Women, crying, & stuff

[Addict]

I'm not going to complain about women crying. It's a hormonal thing I'll never understand. But why is it that I tend to cave in when a woman cries? I can't take that shit for some reason. Always makes me feel bad.

If you're wondering, its in relation to me potentially taking another job. The job says "80-100% travel" (leave sunday night; return Thursday) and that has her upset. Even though the job is at least a 30% increase in pay, has great benefits (3 weeks vacation, 6 paid holidays + 6 "personal holidays"(wtf), good 401k, medical/dental/vision, etc), is in a great line of work (security & privacy) and for a company EVERYONE knows (resume builder right thurr). I've talked to a guy that has worked for them for about 5-6 years and he says its not 100% travel. More like 50-60%.

So yeah. I'd hate to miss this opp. but I can't take that crying shit. Plus I'm always a person who likes to make sure others are happy. I mean I just don't like to see others unhappy ya know?

I dunno what I'm going to do about this.....

[Robert]

Your wife probably values the time she spends with you more then the money/bennifits you gain from this new position.

There is no harm trying it out and leaving if you two can't handle the time appart.

I will tell you from personal experience that travelling alot is EXTREEMLY hard on a relationship; particularly a new one. Keep that in mind.

[GT40FIED]

Next time she starts up, tell her you'll give her something to cry about. Chicks love that.

[thermal]

Originally Posted by Addict

I'm not going to complain about women crying. It's a hormonal thing I'll never understand. But why is it that I tend to cave in when a woman cries? I can't take that shit for some reason. Always makes me feel bad.

I'm the same way.... No matter how right I am in an argument, whenever she cried, I lose..........

[Addict]

Originally Posted by Robert

Your wife probably values the time she spends with you more then the money/bennifits you gain from this new position.

Its not just the money, its the prestige so to speak. Being with this company kind of puts you up among the elite. Especially in the security/privacy sector. I.T. security by the way. Not rent-a-cop security.

There is no harm trying it out and leaving if you two can't handle the time appart.

I will tell you from personal experience that travelling alot is EXTREEMLY hard on a relationship; particularly a new one. Keep that in mind.

Well that was my response actually. But she's afraid if I did leave I wouldn't be able to find another job. Which I doubt would be the case. Then again who can predict the future?

As my mom says, you won't get anywhere if you're afraid of what you don't know.

Originally Posted by GT40FIED

Next time she starts up, tell her you'll give her something to cry about. Chicks love that.

Yeah. I tried. She called the cops.... Didn't see that episode I take it?

[Addict]

Originally Posted by thermal

I'm the same way.... No matter how right I am in an argument, whenever she cried, I lose..........

Yep. I just can't take that shit. I guess it would be different if it was some girl I just met. But we've been together for 9 years and married for 1 year.

[KwikR6]

that sucks dude...i dunno....She just loves you...wants to bone you more maybe?

[Wren57]

Just tell her this is a chance of a lifetime to join the elite in your career field... she will eventually understand your desire to be the best of the best in what you do; thats what being a man is all about. Give it a little time and talk to her about it again, telling her how important it is to you as a man to reach the pinnacle, and that her support is really essential to your success.

[Addict]

Originally Posted by Wren57

Just tell her this is a chance of a lifetime to join the elite in your career field... she will eventually understand your desire to be the best of the best in what you do; thats what being a man is all about. Give it a little time and talk to her about it again, telling her how important it is to you as a man to reach the pinnacle, and that her support is really essential to your success.

Yeah it would be what I consider elite with a company everyone knows. Which, if it didn't work out, could come in handy getting a job elsewhere.

I'm hoping for the best tonight. We'll see how it goes. Of course she just called and said she's going to be late (visiting a friend in the hospital[just had a baby]). Ugh.

[Robert]

this may seem really important however, your wife and your marriage are far more important then a job.

[Racing Rice]

You kinda know my feelings on the whole thing, but... You know what we say, women don't think logically. They think emotionally. You also have to think about it from a security stand point from her side. With you there she feels safe, and comfortable.. It's what she knows and is use to. Jess use to be the same way when I went somewhere. It was a big thing for her, for all the good that did.

IMO, though relationships and family are more important then work and money. I can completely understand where you are coming from though. Good luck on your decision and dealer with her.

[HondaImpaler]

Tell her that if she really loves you she should let you sleep with other women. Because that would make you happy, and who wouldn't want their spouse to be happy?

[Addict]

Originally Posted by HondaImpaler

Tell her that if she really loves you she should let you sleep with other women. Because that would make you happy, and who wouldn't want their spouse to be happy?

Yeah. I can't even get her to go in on a 3 way with me....

[KwikR6]

Tell her...either 3 way or job? hahah

[Addict]

Well she took it BAD. To summarize the conversation, she is sleeping at her parent's house tonight and doesn't see how the marriage will work. She also briefly mentioned the "D" word.

Sheesh. You would've thought I had cheated on her or something. I guess she doesn't really see that I'm trying to do this for US, not me.

I'm leaving work early to go talk to her.

[Racing Rice]

I like her man.. but you need to slap her around a little me thinks..

Seriously man, good luck.. The drama that some women can brew up is rediculous!!!

[Robert]

Originally Posted by Addict

Well she took it BAD. To summarize the conversation, she is sleeping at her parent's house tonight and doesn't see how the marriage will work. She also briefly mentioned the "D" word.

Sheesh. You would've thought I had cheated on her or something. I guess she doesn't really see that I'm trying to do this for US, not me.

I'm leaving work early to go talk to her.

Wow you have it bad, my wife has been very supportive of our move and all the time restrictions that will come from that.

[Wren57]

If it is something you really want, and she won't even let you try it, I say dump her... whatever you do, do NOT let her stay at her parents for an extended period of time while all her crap is in your house... because then she is just recovering/getting over you in familiar surroundings while you still have to see her crap every day and be reminded of her.

When do you have to let the higher-ups know your decision?

[Addict]

Originally Posted by Wren57

If it is something you really want, and she won't even let you try it, I say dump her... whatever you do, do NOT let her stay at her parents for an extended period of time while all her crap is in your house... because then she is just recovering/getting over you in familiar surroundings while you still have to see her crap every day and be reminded of her.

When do you have to let the higher-ups know your decision?

We're married man.... There's no dumping her.

Yeah her parents aren't the best influence anyway. They don't really understand hard work.

[GT40FIED]

Holy shit man...no offense, but it sounds like your wife might have some issues. I mean...if the thought of you being out of town for a few days a week for a job you obviously want sends her running to her parent's house, maybe she's just a wee bit codependent. You need to ask just what it is about this whole thing that she can't handle. Then, every time she tries to answer, rabbit punch her in the head. Aversion therapy works.

[KwikR6]

That's hard shit man. I hope all works out well for you.

[Addict]

So basically after some talking and rationalizing, I'm not taking the job. I think I was looking at it for the wrong reason; money. The field interests me, but the travel did bother me somewhat. It was just overshadowed by the money.....

[KwikR6]

Right on. That's a good decision. As long as your happy.

[Robert]

Originally Posted by Addict

So basically after some talking and rationalizing, I'm not taking the job. I think I was looking at it for the wrong reason; money. The field interests me, but the travel did bother me somewhat. It was just overshadowed by the money.....

Sounds reasonable.

[HondaImpaler]

There's more than enough jobs out there.

[Addict]

Originally Posted by HondaImpaler

There's more than enough jobs out there.

That's what people say. Unfortunately in Dayton, the tech industry really isn't that big. But I did apply to a few last night... ehm about 7 Got trigger happy.

[KwikR6]

Keeping your doors open at least though.

[Addict]

So yeah... Things have changed. It turns out I wasn't ok with the decision.

I woke up on Monday with the worst possible feeling ever. Resentment. It was a horrible feeling to have towards someone I care so much for. I harbor some resent from two events that happened earlier in our relationship. I didn't join the Air Force because of her and I didn't go into the reserves because of her. I regret both of those decisions and think about them all the time. I didn't want to hold on to this as well. I was literally angry throughout the day.

So after some thought, I decided to call the recruiter and ask if the offer was still available. After explaining my reason for not taking the offer , he had to talk with his boss (who in turn is someone I'd be dealing with). Finally today I got to talk to his boss about it. She was understanding about the decision and I was offered the position again (after some further discussion).

So tomorrow I should see an official offer and start date, etc.. As for the wife, I'll be talking to her tonight about the job. I can't stand the thought of having the feeling of resent towards her. Things may be rocky at first, but I think we'll do alright in the end. If not, then I guess I'll worry about it then.

[Grip72]

i never read this thread but i once heard a wise man say "a tear is nature's lubricant"

does that help?

[Addict]

Originally Posted by Grip72

i never read this thread but i once heard a wise man say "a tear is nature's lubricant"

does that help?

Not sure how that applies.... lol

[Grip72]

Originally Posted by Addict

Not sure how that applies.... lol

women crying = tears

you stupid son of a...jk haha..i'm bored

[KwikR6]

dude...ok. the resentment thing. Been there. done that. You ultimately need to be happy.

[Robert]

I think you and your wife need to get on the same page, get your priorities straight. When you married her you commited to working things out.

Being angry with her over her wanting you to be around is a little different, maybe even childish. You should figure out whats important in your life and then do that.

If your wife ends up not being that important consider where your relationship would be if you did everything you wanted. Then consider if she wasn't willing to wait around for you.

Sounds to me like you two need to do some serious talking and figure out what you both want in life and where you are willing to comprosmise.

I personally did this before I got married; though its never to late.

[Addict]

Originally Posted by Robert

I think you and your wife need to get on the same page, get your priorities straight. When you married her you commited to working things out.

Working things out, compromising, and supporting each other.

Being angry with her over her wanting you to be around is a little different, maybe even childish. You should figure out whats important in your life and then do that.

I'm not mad at her for wanting to spend time with me. Its the fact that she doesn't even want to think about me doing anything that will take time away from her. She wasn't even willing to try this out.

If your wife ends up not being that important consider where your relationship would be if you did everything you wanted. Then consider if she wasn't willing to wait around for you.

If I did everything I wanted, I'd be im the military and who knows where. Its not that she's not important. I love her a lot. Its the fact that she isn't willing to try anything different. She's afraid of change. The same reason she's been at her job for the past 6 years or so. I've tried for the past year or so to try & get her to look at a different job or start her own business. I'm willing to help her the whole way. She just won't make an effort to do any of that. She says she wants a different job, but yet she fails to do anything about it.

Sounds to me like you two need to do some serious talking and figure out what you both want in life and where you are willing to comprosmise.

I personally did this before I got married; though its never to late.

Yeah we will be doing some talking. I know what I want out of life. I'd like her to be a apart of everything too. I just can't sit back and let her stop me from progressing in my career. Especially when it ultimately helps us out. This would free up some money for a house which is a huge goal of ours. It would also help us pay down some of our bills.

Its going to be tough tonight. We've been together for 9 years. Married for one of those and living together for one of those. Even after all that time, getting married changes things.

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by Addict

Even after all that time, getting married changes things.

Yeah, now you can't just tell her to get lost without it costing you an assload..

[Robert]

Addict - if you were in the military you'd be making less money, so that rather contradicts your point. And you'd probably be in Iraq.

I understand where you are coming from and you sound as though you are questioning your commitement. I would weigh heavily the short term gains of changing things to the importance of having this woman as your wife.

This is something the two of you will have to work out. YOu got into this marriage with full knownledge of how she is, dont expect her to change because it would be best for you. She souds comfortable/happy with the situation she's in. If she wont change it on her own and/or ask for your help; no work on your end will change that.

The things that actually matter in life cannot be purchased.

[Robert]

Originally Posted by Racing Rice

Yeah, now you can't just tell her to get lost without it costing you an assload..

Well you're free now so get over it.....

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by Robert

Well you're free now so get over it.....

Get over what? It's the fucking truth.. So get over it. And technically I'm not free yet.. So fuck off.

[Addict]

Originally Posted by Robert

Addict - if you were in the military you'd be making less money, so that rather contradicts your point. And you'd probably be in Iraq.

And I'd be happy with that. It would be an honor to serve. And chances are that by now, I'd be making a decent salary. That was 8 years ago.

I understand where you are coming from and you sound as though you are questioning your commitement. I would weigh heavily the short term gains of changing things to the importance of having this woman as your wife.

Yeah I do have to weigh my options. And honestly I started doubting my choice last night. Part of the reason for taking the job was the lack of tech jobs around here (unless you want help desk). Then I came home and there's a message on my answering machine about a Senior Network Admin job. Talk about bad timing. *ugh*

This is something the two of you will have to work out. YOu got into this marriage with full knownledge of how she is, dont expect her to change because it would be best for you. She souds comfortable/happy with the situation she's in. If she wont change it on her own and/or ask for your help; no work on your end will change that.

You're right. We've been together for 9 years. You'd think I know how she is by now. To compound things, when I came home last night she was looking over a job application. Why the hell couldn't she have gotten motivated 6 months ago?

Timing on the second job opp. and her finally seeking a new job just sucks. Plus we finally had a decent talk about things. I've already accepted the job with IBM. I would feel like such a tool if I declined it now. I haven't given my notice at my current job though.

Plus she's been crying all damn night and this morning. But not like the "I hate you for doing...blah blah". She was genuinely upset. That shit gets to me easily.

The things that actually matter in life cannot be purchased.

Yes they can. You need a dwelling. That costs money. You need food. That costs money. You need love. And let's face it, that's costs money. Either in the form of keeping the wifey content or in RR's case, getting a hooker.

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by Addict

...or in RR's case, getting a hooker.

Hey listen you ass.. You know I don't have to pay for sex.. I have a Myspace account.