Just need to vent.

I tried posting this a few min ago and it cleared on me. lets try again.

First off, im an idiot! I am in love with my ex gf who i would do anything for and would love to have back in my life beside me. We dated for alittle over a year, with the last few months being on and off.

Well she would date a little and i mostly looked (i have a hard time finding girls for some reason). Well recently she got a guy and something sparked in me (jealousy) and I told her I wanted her back. Well they broke up pretty quickly after for their own reasons.

So she was single again and she and I were hanging out. Well something happened (feelings wise) and I just didnt feel what i needed. I told her i wanted to focus on school. At the time it sounded good but it was a cop out!

Then she met this current guy. She is 19 and he is 29. Well I was not happy with that. But something came over me this time that wasnt jealousy, but love. And i know the differance because of the way my heart and mind felt. I was able to use the L word and stuff.

Well I told her and immediatly she thought it was just cus she had a guy. I tried to assure her that was not it. Well with girls its an action thing, not verbal. And I dont blame her for thinking it, i would too. Well he owns his own business and crap so no shortage of $. She isnt in school this term so she has spair time. So they are together all the time. Well he found out who i was and i was calling her and he didnt like it. Suprise suprise.

So she said if i could not call her, but her call me. So our communication has dropped like 90%, which BLOWS! I miss this girl so much and I hate that I cant be with her, or evern talk and see her.

They went out of town together last weekend. Then I hear he is taking her for a cruise for her birthday. They have known each other for like alittle over a month. Things are moving super fast. He thinks his clock is winding down and he has to find his bride like yesterday.

Well I have obviously voiced my thoughts and stuff to her. I dont know whats going to happen. I really beleive in my heart she and I have a chance. Just the more this guy is around. The more i feel her and I being separated even as friends.

Sorry for the length, just needed to vent. Hurt my hand on the punching bag outside lol.