.:HSTuners::::Hondas Wanted:: |
03-14-2003, 12:04 PM
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#1 |
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Taking a shower.
Maybe this is a repost but it's pretty funny. Someone just sent it to me.
How to Shower Like a Woman ************************** 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups. 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Complain because your husband had been eating your ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 11. Rinse conditioner off hair. 12. Shave armpits and legs. 13. Turn off shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 16. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs. 17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 18. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man ************************ 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Wash your face. 6. Wash your armpits. 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 11. Shampoo your hair. 12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 14. Pee. 15. Rinse off and get out of shower. 16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 17. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 18. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 20. Throw wet towel on bed. |
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03-14-2003, 12:10 PM
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#2 |
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I just need to say that the part about the guys is way funnier.
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03-14-2003, 12:11 PM
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: McKinleyville CA.
Age: 60
Posts: 205
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lmfao
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03-14-2003, 12:31 PM
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Insomniac Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: OR
Age: 44
Posts: 11,142
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Re: Taking a shower.
Quote:
Hehe those are too funny 
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03-14-2003, 12:44 PM
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I've seen a lot of this stuff happen.
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03-14-2003, 12:45 PM
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Repost Wagon
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: over here
Age: 44
Posts: 17,266
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lofl
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03-14-2003, 01:46 PM
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#7 |
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Oh my gawwwwwdddd the guy part is so true.
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03-14-2003, 02:11 PM
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#8 |
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LMAO
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03-14-2003, 02:12 PM
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Yahoo Watashi wa kattaze!
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Meanwhile, up in The D...
Age: 42
Posts: 10,579
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lol didnt we have this up a few months ago? its still good though
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03-14-2003, 02:36 PM
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4th Gear
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: York, Pa
Age: 45
Posts: 952
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Quote:
Yeah we did, but still makes me laugh! 
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave -- but there's no need to be in the passing lane. -- Robert Orben |
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03-14-2003, 02:52 PM
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#11 |
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Ok, do any of you guys/girls do anything weird in the shower? Anyone ever fall asleep in there?
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03-14-2003, 04:08 PM
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#12 |
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I was doin naughty
 things in the shower with my gurl at the time and it was kinda slippery an we both fell.... no one was hurt but it almost ruined the mood...... |
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03-14-2003, 04:29 PM
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#13 |
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ive seen it before but it still makes me smile
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03-14-2003, 08:45 PM
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#14 | |||
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northwest
Age: 39
Posts: 3,993
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LOL that is absolutely hillarious!
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03-15-2003, 12:01 AM
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3rd Gear
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: columbus,ms
Age: 42
Posts: 393
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seen it before but some parts r true or r they
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03-15-2003, 12:18 AM
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LMFAO!
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03-15-2003, 10:22 AM
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#17 |
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My room mate who smells like butt odor should read that...
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03-15-2003, 10:48 AM
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#18 | |
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Re: Taking a shower.
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I don't think I'd ever do this, I'm not really that shy... my husband (given that I had one) would probablynot see any covered areas after a shower till I got my night clothes on. Given that I chose to wear clothes. lol  |
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03-15-2003, 10:53 AM
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#19 |
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03-15-2003, 10:55 AM
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Why the crying face?
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03-15-2003, 10:58 AM
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03-15-2003, 11:02 AM
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#22 | |
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Quote:
If I had a room mate who smelled bad I would take him/her outside and hose him/her off. This probably wouldn't go over so well with a female room mate, so maybe buy her some bath supplies. I laughed a good one when reading the male's version.. haha good stuff |
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03-17-2003, 10:09 AM
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#23 | |
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Quote:
Yeah, I hear you on that. That is always fun but it can be very dangerous too. |
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03-17-2003, 10:23 AM
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Sure. Hasn't everyone? |
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03-17-2003, 10:56 AM
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#25 | |
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Quote:
I don't know but I know that I have fallen asleep in there before. Hey, did you go on Sat? I had some difficulties in NYC and I never got there because I was so pissed off with the drive at that point. |
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03-17-2003, 11:00 AM
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#26 |
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Nah, no one else could come this weekend and I didn't feel like making the drive myself. They should be back around later on this spring and summer. And probably closer too.
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03-17-2003, 11:08 AM
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#27 |
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We made it as far as the George Washington Bridge and then after turning around a bunch of times (Because MAPQUEST BLOWS), we decided to just head back. The directions we got made no sense what so ever. What it said on the directions was not at all what it actually said on signs in terms on interstates and routes.
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03-17-2003, 11:10 AM
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#28 |
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Yeah, sometimes MapQuest is just WAY off. You belong to AAA? They will give you free directions and a map to anywhere you wanna go.
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03-17-2003, 12:09 PM
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#29 | |
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Quote:
Yeah, that's what someone told me. I don't have AAA but next time I go somewhere, I'm going to ask someone that has it to get directions for me. One time I went up to VT with a friend that got AAA directions but he's dyslexic and he apparently wrote them down all wrong. That sucked. |
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03-17-2003, 12:27 PM
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#30 |
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They'll give you a whole package of stuff though. Maps and stuff that tehy make up for you special. I think they do it for non members for a nominal fee as well.
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03-17-2003, 12:40 PM
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#31 |
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I was so shocked at the fact that MapQuest failed me though. I have never had an issue with it before. I'll never trust that shat again.
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03-17-2003, 12:54 PM
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#32 |
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Yeah, when you try to go long distances they can get a little iffy
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03-17-2003, 01:22 PM
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#33 |
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I'm going to wipe my ass with those directions. Seriously. It took us long enough to actually get into NY only to get f*cked by those directions. Oh well, it turned out to be a fun night anyway.
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03-17-2003, 01:28 PM
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#34 |
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That's all that matters then.
BTW, love the Jack Handey quote. Another one of his I always liked: The other crows seem to be calling my name thought Caw. |
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03-17-2003, 01:36 PM
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#35 | |
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Quote:
rofl |
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03-17-2003, 01:46 PM
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#36 |
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You like Jack Handey? Here are some more for you...
If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something. When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me. To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks." If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you. If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic. Ok, I could go on for awhile but I'm just going to stop at this point. |
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03-17-2003, 01:52 PM
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#37 | |
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Quote:
No dude, I'm really going to though. Me and my friend that were put through hell with those directions are going to. We promised one another. I've been crumpling the paper over and over again to soften it up so I don't hurt myself. |
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03-17-2003, 01:53 PM
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#38 | |
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lol. Your too funny.  |
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03-17-2003, 02:01 PM
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#39 | |
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Quote:
Thanks. I'm not really sure if you're familiar with over here but we drove around like assholes. Back and forth, back and forth in BUMPER to BUMPER traffic for hours because of what it said on those toilet paper directions. And I REALLY wanted to check out this car show. We had to get off the damn highway 3 times just to make bathroom stops from going back and forth on the Whitestone and George Washington bridges. In no way, shape or form did they make any sense. I should somehow find a mailing address for MapQuest and mail them "my thoughts". |
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03-17-2003, 02:06 PM
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#40 | |
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Those are all great. I've heard most of them.
Forgot about this one: Quote:
That's one of my favorites. Isn't there one about a kid in DisneyLand too? Also love the God crying one. Thanks, needed the laugh today. |
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