Well, it finally happened.

[Racing Rice]

I get to be on the receiving end of one of these threads. This is just a fvcked up day.

My wife and I have been together for 9 years now (married almost 4). Around Christmas time my wife began acting really weird. I knew something was going on, but of course no one ever admits anything when they are guilty. It's been going on like this since then.

We have cell phones through the family plan on my parents plan. Well my mom called me (at work) today and told me that she thinks she knows what the problem is. She gives me a number for some Nextel phone that my wife has been calling, and it had been calling her. My mom called the number and she said some guy answered the phone.

I called my wife to see what she said. Of course, at first she denied it. Then she said "We've just been talking." They ALL say that!!! So needless to say I'm a little pi$$ed right now. Work isn't going to smooth, and it is going to be a REALLY long day. Chances are we are going to get into a big fight tonight, and I'll be alone really soon.

I'd love to hope that they have just "been talking" but damn you know how hard that is to believe. I seriously doubt that we be able to work it out, because I honestly don't think that she wants to. She's isn't wo"MAN" enough to face the music and try to make things work.

All of this because she is mad because I don't want kids (right now) and she thinks she needs them. WTF!!!! Some women are FVCKING crazy!!! I give her everything including my heart and this is the kinda of SH!T I get! Thank you VERY Fvcking much.

There you have it.. Sorry for the long rant.. I'm some what breathless right now. I'm not upset because she is talking to someone, I'm mad because she keeps lying about it. I've never cheated on anyone. My man urges say it would be nice to get a little strange every now and again, but my heart just doesn't make it possible.

Everyone, I am living proof that nice guys DO FINISH LAST! I think I need some revenge sex now.

[Racing Rice]

Sorry for the crappy grammar and language. I can't think straight. My mind is going 1Mil miles per hour.

[pdiggitydogg]

Man, sorry to hear about this... I always thought everything was going smooth in your married world, but I guess not.
Talk about shit though, her going around behind your back.
I dont know what I can say about this...because I generally like to think worst case scenario... But I hope you guys can work it out...

[Grip72]

holy crap man..i read that and I feel so bad for you. "just talking" hmmm..i feel you man. best of luck~~

[Racing Rice]

Heh, thanks guys. I don't know what to do and I'm not really looking for answers. I'm just going to let things work themselves out. If it's meant to be then fine..

Pdiggs, the worse part about it is I thought we had a great marriage. Atleast until this whole thing started.

Honesty and communication are two of the biggest factors in keeping a marriage together, but when the communication is all lies it makes finding a resolution impossible. I guess we will see.

How do you be single? I don't remember what that is like, or what you do. Damn, if this doesn't work out this is going to be SOOOO strange.

Lesson learned, always trust your first instinct. I knew better then to get married.. I always told myself I didn't want to.

[pdiggitydogg]

eh, Im in a strange relationship right now...Girl is clingly.
I thought I got rid of her, but she came back with "i found out i have cancer - dont let me be alone" stuff and as we all know, Im too nice and took her back. Agh, its stupid. More often than not, Id rather just do the same old things I was doing anymore...

Who knows though man, maybe it is just talk and it will all work out in the end

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by pdiggitydogg

eh, Im in a strange relationship right now...Girl is clingly.
I thought I got rid of her, but she came back with "i found out i have cancer - dont let me be alone" stuff and as we all know, Im too nice and took her back. Agh, its stupid. More often than not, Id rather just do the same old things I was doing anymore...

Who knows though man, maybe it is just talk and it will all work out in the end

Wow, I've never heard that line before!? So chicks these days are playing the terminal illness card? Yikes! These games have risen to a new level. Now I'm definately scared.

It sounds like you have my kind of luck. Good luck to the both of us I suppose.

[pdiggitydogg]

lol yeah I know
it seems this chick has like the shittiest life of all time
Her parents gave her up when she was 4
Her adoptive father hates her
Her twin died when they were 17 (brain tumor apparently)
She was raped by a college professor
Her Talon was a victim of crankwalk (ok probably true)
She discovers she has ovarian cancer...so all the duct work comes out = no kids
She bought a GTP for 19k (used!)

I dont know...after writing that all down...its probably all a big fat lie

[Racing Rice]

Sounds like a real Drama queen. I dated a girl like that. I don't doubt that she does have problems in her life, but when you use them to your advantage to make people feel sorry for you then it becomes a real problem.

You get stuck feeling sorry for her and think that you could help make life better for her. From my experiences though YOU CAN NOT! They don't want to make life better. They would prefer to keep use these problems as excuses instead of motivation. My suggestion is don't let yourself get to emotionally attached.

[GT40FIED]

Shit Jeremy...I can't even imagine what's going through your head. Well...actually I can because my last girlfriend cheated on me. But shit man...we weren't together for anything even close to as long. In my estimation, people of our generation just aren't brought up to stay married. I know people always say the divorce rate is 50%...but I'd say in a few years it's going to go a lot higher. I'm only 24 and I already know too many people who've been fucked over.

Any time you start to suspect anything funny going on, it's usually not much of a leap to bad things (assuming you're a rational person). As they say, "if there's any doubt there is no doubt". Shit man...I can't even imagine being at work at a time like that. Just think of it this way...as long as you're there, you're not at home and shit isn't blowing up.

[Racing Rice]

Welp she didn't even have the guts to sit down and talk about this. When I got home from work she had left a note saying that "she needs time to herself, and that she isn't happy anymore but she doesn't know why." Then she did the whole, "You haven't done anything wrong, so don't think that you have. It's me not you."

So here I sit in an empty house. Waiting for her to determine my future. The shitty part is the fact that she just can't be honest with me. Just when you think you know someone, you have no idea. So for the first time in 9 years, I'm officially alone. It is somewhat of an erie feeling really. I don't know what to do with myself. Hell I've already cleaned the house. I'll probably head off to workout soon.

[pdiggitydogg]

Damn man, thats some crap there...
I am really surprised that she's doing what she is...then came up with "its me not you" and LEFT! Seriously, thats some weak shit
Shes being really selfish man...and juvenile to boot

[Robert]

Thats a real surprise to me, I'm speachless. You two seemed to have the perfect marriage.

Whatever comes of it, be true to yourself and try not to blow up with her. It will do no good and only strain you more. If you part ways walk away as equals.

Keep us posted.

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by pdiggitydogg

Shes being really selfish man...and juvenile to boot

Funny, those were the same things that came to my mind.


Damn this sucks.. I never could have imagined being alone after all of these years hurting so bad.

[GT40FIED]

You've realized my worst nightmare...sitting alone in a house in Ohio.

I'm with everyone else...this is a huge fucking suprise. I mean...I don't ever assume anyone's marriage is perfect, but your's seemed to be one of the least troubled. Then for her to run away from the problem is just total bullshit. She's going to have to face you sooner or later. I have other thoughts as well...but it's nothing you need to be twisting your mullet over.

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by GT40FIED

You've realized my worst nightmare...sitting alone in a house in Ohio.

To make it even worse, it is snowing like crazy and cold as hell.. I think hell finally froze over today.

[ebpda9]

damn man, that really sucks.

[Racing Rice]

Well, she came home this morning.

We had a long talk. I think I believe her that she has just been talking to this guy. Apparently, he is married also and they have been having problems. I dunno. I think she is depressed. She has all of the symptoms, and has had them for 3 months now. The only problem is, she doesn't think she is depressed so she refuses to see a docter. I don't know what to do. I think if we can get that taken care of, then things may start getting back to normal.

If I could just get her to understand the "help me, help you" theory I'll be in good shape.

[pdiggitydogg]

I have about 30 anti-depressant pills you can have, if you want to drug her secretly
Theyre from when I went in for rage-a-hol help, and they decided I was depressd

[Racing Rice]

Dude, that is very tempting.

[ebpda9]

tell her you are pregnant and she has to stick around .

why don't you try to go to some therapy toghether ?

[JDMFantasy2k]

hmm i seem to have overcome a similar situation.

About a month ago my girl had been acting weird as well. Turns out she had started talking to her friend and found out she had feelings for him. So we talked it out and went on vacation to florida which really made things better. My girl was also having the winter depression thing going on.

So maybe you guys need like a mini honeymoon and some warm weather to break her out of the duldrums and you guys can realize what you have and make it work.

good luck man. women are fucked up

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by hondaman-iac

why don't you try to go to some therapy toghether ?

That would go over about as well as telling her she is depressed.

So maybe you guys need like a mini honeymoon and some warm weather to break her out of the duldrums and you guys can realize what you have and make it work.

I'd love to do that. I'll have to see what I can do. I can't get her to leave the dogs anywhere though, so it makes that a little more difficult.

[CD5Passion]

wow i really hope this all works out for you. I hate how when you think a girl can be so mature, they turn around do something so childish. my last girlfriend and I broke up because of a situation like that. She refused to work anything out and just left, of course after she started talking to her first boyfriend again..mother fucker...

anyways, maybe you should talk to her about possibly going to marriage counseling or something? idk you just need to get her to open up or something.

I know when I finally get married, I refuse to be another statistic. To me divorce is not a option (unless of course it is absolutly the only thing). Last time i checked the vows say "through better or for worst"..stupid women

[Racing Rice]

Originally Posted by CD5Passion

I know when I finally get married, I refuse to be another statistic. To me divorce is not a option (unless of course it is absolutly the only thing). Last time i checked the vows say "through better or for worst"..stupid women

I agree 100%.. I do not want to get a divorce unless there is just no way to bring it back. I will do everything in my power to make this relationship work.

[JDMFantasy2k]

Originally Posted by Racing Rice

I agree 100%.. I do not want to get a divorce unless there is just no way to bring it back. I will do everything in my power to make this relationship work.

good man

i think my relationship just took a giant shit tongiht, i'll post later with juicy details

[Mischief]

Originally Posted by JDMFantasy2k

good man

i think my relationship just took a giant shit tongiht, i'll post later with juicy details

heh bro your relationship sounds alot like the one I have with my ex.. we're good for a bit then something happens, then we're good again a day or two later until the next thing

[Robert]

You're more trusting then I would be. FOr someone to have hidden a relationship from me for a few months, then tell me it was only talk; I would be stretching myself a great deal to start believing a liar.

I would see help, I dont believe in divorce either and would get her tested and see a marriage counceler on this one.

[JDMFantasy2k]

it's just sad cause we'll fight over the stupidist shit ya know? Like florida got off to a rough start cause we fought in the airport but then the rest of the trip was great and we grew really close.

Today was her birthday and i wanted to make it really special ( i hadn't bought her anything until yesterday cause i didn't know if we'd make it to her b-day). So I left her messages on her myspace, and on AIM, and then i called her up and sung her happy birthday while playing it on my keyboard. Then she came over and i gave her 2 cards (one funny, one serious) a $25 gift certificate to get her nails done and a necklace from gordon's jewelers.. (looks like this http://cgi.ebay.com/NICE-NEW-MULTI-S...QQcmdZViewItem but i payed much more)

So i give it to her and i'm like make sure you like it, otherwise we'll return it. Naturally she pretends to like it untill finally i beat it out of her that she hates it. OK fine, i want you to be happy, we'll get you something you want. So we go to exchange it and she doesn't like anything in the store, so we return it. We go through every jewelery store in the mall and she doesn't find anything she likes. So i'm like i don't know what you want me to do then. She had wanted a tiffanys necklace but being unemployed i don't have that kinda cash right now and i told her i'd even get it for her eventually if she'd just wait. She said no and that she wanted something for her b-day. SO i'm like wtf am i supposed to do.

Then we get in this big fight about how i think she's so materialistic and it's all about her because she should be happy even if i didn't get her shit (like i really wouldn't care if she didn't get me shit for my B-day long as i get laid) but she's so immature and has to be a "princess". And i did everything i could, so i'm like fine i'm taking you home. Naturally i was pissed and made it home in like 10 minutes and the she left. What a fucking waste. i need another beer, blah.

[Mischief]

Originally Posted by JDMFantasy2k

SO i'm like wtf am i supposed to do.

punch her in the vag

[JDMFantasy2k]

nah i mean i love the girl, but she has some serious issues she needs to work out, and it's just fucking us both up. I really tried but there's only so much i can do, then she gets bent when i don't know what to do. fuck girls

[GT40FIED]

Originally Posted by Robert

You're more trusting then I would be. FOr someone to have hidden a relationship from me for a few months, then tell me it was only talk; I would be stretching myself a great deal to start believing a liar.

I would see help, I dont believe in divorce either and would get her tested and see a marriage counceler on this one.

Loathe as I am to say it, I agree with Rob. Not to totally shit on your happy ending Jeremy, but there are a lot of holes you didn't fill there. Like why is your wife talking to this guy and not telling you? I don't really see how her telling you about a new male friend would hurt things unless there's a reason he needs to be a secret. You also need to remember what happens when two people who are unhappy get together and start comiserating.

You don't need my advice, but I think you really need to convince your wife to see someone. If she doesn't want to, tough shit. There's no way you'll be able to trust her otherwise if she doesn't. Trust me...I've been down this road before. Nobody wants to accept their own faults, but if things continue the way they've been going then you're going to be the one who becomes the reason she's unhappy.

[Robert]

Originally Posted by GT40FIED

Loathe as I am to say it, I agree with Rob. Not to totally shit on your happy ending Jeremy, but there are a lot of holes you didn't fill there. Like why is your wife talking to this guy and not telling you? I don't really see how her telling you about a new male friend would hurt things unless there's a reason he needs to be a secret. You also need to remember what happens when two people who are unhappy get together and start comiserating.

You don't need my advice, but I think you really need to convince your wife to see someone. If she doesn't want to, tough shit. There's no way you'll be able to trust her otherwise if she doesn't. Trust me...I've been down this road before. Nobody wants to accept their own faults, but if things continue the way they've been going then you're going to be the one who becomes the reason she's unhappy.

This is a first.

To add to the holes.

Where was she last night?
If it was only talk why did she flea the relatioship for an evening to 'stort out her problems' she should come to you to talk?

[Robert]

Ok I'm dieing waiting to know whats going on...

[Racing Rice]

She says she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to get mad. I dunno, I mean, we all do something like that every now and again. Who really knows. We've been together for nine years and she's never really given me a reason not to believe her in the past.

It's one of those things were you don't want to go over board when in reality nothing is happening, but then again can one really be sure what is happening?


As for, where she was the night that she left. She said she stayed at a hotel trying to sort things out.

Honestly, it is hard as hell not to jump to conclusions. I think as humans once trust has been compromised we tend to focus on the negatives whether they exist or not. Like I said before, I'm going to do everything in my power to make this work. If I fail, atleast I can say I was the bigger person in this relationship and atleast keep my head held high. Not that it was ease the pain of the whole ordeal, but atleast hopefully later it will help me retain some sort of self comfort.

So for now, I'm just taking life day by day and trying to make the best out of what I still have. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, but I'm just going to try to make the best out of today and not worry about it. Yes, you could probably call me a fool but that is just how I am.

If for some reason this relationship does fail. Atleast some woman will get a good man sooner or later. I just have to hope that I can get a good woman.

[GT40FIED]

I wouldn't call you a fool, I'd call you cautious....which is exactly what you should be. I've found, however, that once trust is breached in a relationship, it's incredibly hard if not impossible to get it back totally. Even if she comes around this time, what are you going to think the next time she starts acting strangely? Or the time after that. And for what it's worth, while she might have stayed at a hotel, a credit card receipt doesn't tell you that she was alone. Again, I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but no one hides a friend...even a confidant...from a spouse unless they have good reason to. I think I can safely say you're not a violent person or even a person with a temper Jeremy...so why did she need to feel like she had to run away? A rational person would've stayed to talk things over.

I don't know...maybe it's my distrust of women speaking, but this whole thing just stinks to me. I have good reason to distrust women, but maybe you don't. Go with your gut, don't be easily fooled, and try to get to the bottom of this with as little fanfare as possible.

[Robert]

Originally Posted by GT40FIED

I wouldn't call you a fool, I'd call you cautious....which is exactly what you should be. I've found, however, that once trust is breached in a relationship, it's incredibly hard if not impossible to get it back totally. Even if she comes around this time, what are you going to think the next time she starts acting strangely? Or the time after that. And for what it's worth, while she might have stayed at a hotel, a credit card receipt doesn't tell you that she was alone. Again, I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but no one hides a friend...even a confidant...from a spouse unless they have good reason to. I think I can safely say you're not a violent person or even a person with a temper Jeremy...so why did she need to feel like she had to run away? A rational person would've stayed to talk things over.

I don't know...maybe it's my distrust of women speaking, but this whole thing just stinks to me. I have good reason to distrust women, but maybe you don't. Go with your gut, don't be easily fooled, and try to get to the bottom of this with as little fanfare as possible.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Should Nikki pull something like this on me they Jeremy I would be doing the same thing. Though I dont believe the bit about hidding it to stop you from getting mad, unless you have displayed rage around her having men friends before.

[Racing Rice]

I know where both of you are coming from. I've been here before and it sucks, but the last time I wasn't married.

Just think about it this way. I'd really like to be 100% positive that something is indeed going on, before I do anything that I can or will regret later. I am being cautious, and I'm not going to just forget that all of this has happened. I've always been the kind of person to get one the benefit of the doubt. Sure it has come back to bite me in the ass, but I've also been wrong before as well. Sooner or later the truth will uncover itself, and when it does I'll be ready for it.

It's easy to sit and say I would do this or I would do that until you're actually faced with the situation, because a lot of times reality isn't as clear cut as it is when you play the situation in your head. It is better to have tried and failed, then to have never tried at all.

I'll try to keep you guys updated if anything new happens. Now, I wait strategically.

[nonovurbizniz]

Originally Posted by Racing Rice

I agree 100%.. I do not want to get a divorce unless there is just no way to bring it back. I will do everything in my power to make this relationship work.

Trying to avoid being one statistic makes you another...

I'm not trying to fan the flames or anything... but if you ask me even talking to some guy married or not CROSSES THE LINE... she LIED and hid stuff from you...

I went through similar problems with my wife a couple months ago only she spent money (a LOT) w/o telling me and lyed about it...

Same thing she won't confront much less admit she has problems and it's making our lives SUCK...

We have 2 kids already so it makes it MUCH worse splitting up but at this point I really don't see any other option...

In my case we could stay married as long as I shut up and let her be whoever she is... but that's not good for the family... and me constantly trying to get her to do things she's NOT going to do is not good for the family... frankly splitting up provides the best family situation (at least that's how I see it now)... of course financially I CAN NOT afford to move out... so we're still together for now.

Now I don't know any details about your situation other than what I just read... and I'll say the same thing to you as I said to my wife...

" You LIED... it doesn't matter what it was about, you lied... I didn't KNOW you lied when you did... how can I EVER trust you?"

Seriously... anyone willing to cross the line and break the trust of marriage is NOT ready for marriage.

Chances are if you try to make it work your just gunna end up being the nice guy that finished WAY WAY WAY last... instead of just last.

Do you want to deal with being single now and getting divorced now or when you've already built up savings have joint assetts... make more money... are older or god forbid have kids together???

I'm not saying drop out the first chance you get... but if my wife was having regular secret conversations (whether or not they were sexual or led anywhere) I'd be out the door in under a second.

If SHE wanted to work things out it would take a LOT of convincing for me to EVER even CONSIDER getting back together... and frankly I don't think I would even if I believed her.

Really not trying to incite you just sharing my opinions on my similar-ish situation.

[V8killimports]

First thing first you need to go to marriage counseling with your wife. If there are issues and she really does want to work things out she will do ANYTHING to do it.. if she doesn't want to go to marriage counseling the next step I would take is getting a lawyer because she obviously doesn't want to work things out. Regardless of all of this I would also hire a PI to see what exactly she is up to from day to day. Some people say this is distrustful, but she has lost your trust as it is and has no reason to be trusted.

I would not hesitate on doing any of this either. I would suggest maggiage counseling in the next day or so. Also visit this site.. www.marriagebuilders.com and check out their forums. They have lots of good information and people to ask questions and should have some great advice.