Ok gentlemen

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I need an explaination....or something. Thought that maybe you boys would be able to help me out.


The guy that I have been hanging out with got out of a 3 or so yr relationship about 7 months ago. We're not serious and we both still consider ourselves single, but we talk everyday and we see each other at least 3 times a week. Sometimes more....just depends. Well he called me this morning on his way to work, so that he wouldn't fall asleep while driving and he informs me about this "list" he has. He decided that when he and his ex broke up, that while he was single, he was going to produce this list of types of girls that he wanted to "bang"...and separately there are about 10 or so girls that he would be banging. (I hate using that word....but that's what he used, so that's what i'm using). Now granted that some of the girls could fall into more than 1 group.

Now I have never heard of such a thing, and I hang out with mostly guys, and I just figured that something like this would come up in some of the conversations I've had with them...but it hasn't. Is this normal? I don't know why, but it bothers me.....I guess maybe because he and I have been "together" and I guess now that I know that he's potentially hookin up with other girls.....yah you know where I'm going with this.

Can anyone explain the whole wanting to be with different types of girls thing to me???

[BlackWolf]

Well, to me it sounds like he's exploring his sexual tastes, trying a different flavors at the ice cream store if you will, with the breakup as his primary motivation. There's really not much guys won't tell you if you hang out with them often enough and believe me, I used to work at an auto shop and was always a tomboy, so I've hung out with the guys alot and heard alot I shouldn't have had with the promise not to tell the rest of my "species" but this is not really a new one. It may be a good thing but just remind him to be careful out there. We really don't want IT falling off......

EDIT: Oops, sorry, forgot to add this part. If you were with this guy and plan to still be, let him know of your concern. He shouldn't make you uncomfortable if he still wants to have the benefits plan with you. He needs to know because this will affect your relationship with him.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

yah my biggest concern with his sexcapade is my health....the ironic thing is, I asked him where I fit into his list and he says that I don't. He said that those girls will be one night stand types of deals...and I'm definitely not that. So I don't know that I really want to be doing things with him while he's conquering his list. ugh....this is just a reminder why I stayed single I guess.....

I'd say at least he's being honest with you and thats where the good part of this stops.

If you're smart you wont start a relationship with a guy who's got a list of chicks he wants to sleep with and still acts somewhat bf/gf with you.

YOU two are seeing eachother enough to say you're courting and for a man to court you he cant be chasing other ass. Watch yourself with this guy and I would be very careful if you decided to start a more serious relationship aka sleeping with him, you might just be on the list and he didnt want you to know.

As for the list, my towns to big to have a list... kidding. NEver heard of such a think, guy sounds funny, but he's your friend.

[ShagginJet]

I actually like the idea. Everyone has a list, whether you have it on paper or it's just in your head. Everyone has their type, what they're looking for, and making a "hit" list is just the next step. All he did was take his thoughts and put them on paper.

Do it yourself and see how yours comes out, then maybe you won't feel bad. Since you two are sleeping with one another and you don't consider yourself b/f & g/f then there really isn't much you can say. You've choosen to have this sort of relationship with him, if he wanted to be serious then he would. Knowing that he's coming out of a 3 year deal i'd assume he might be fuxored in the head, i suggest you tread lightly on this one.

I totally missed the part where they were sleeping together.... be careful! Next thing you know condom breaks and you have whatever the last girl he slept with had, not to mention if you go down on him you might as well be going down on the other girls too.

[ShagginJet]

Originally posted by biker's back
you might as well be going down on the other girls too.

^ Which we don't mind, we'll even volunteer to watch the video when you're done getting it processed....

[BlackWolf]

.....well, we can see where your mind is this morning......

[ShagginJet]

this morning... or 2004?

[Daviso27]

i have been with my future wife for 5 years....But If we ever break up...it could happen...I also have a list tucked away under my cigar box in my sock drawer....

It reads:

1. A Real big heavy-set Swedish girl.
2. A real skinny asian girl.
3. A freckled filled redhead
4. A Real Pale skinned. blonde girl, w/a black girls ass.
5. A real haitian girl
6. A real french girl
7. A real Raver girl
8. This girl that works at the Dairy Queen
9. A Real mother...then I could be called "The MoFo"
10. 2 real crackheaded girls


This is only a list...If the day comes where I find myself single...I will explore and fufill my wants and needs...A relationship as long as the mine and the one your maybe b/f had, involves him fufilling the womans needs and comforting the other person and makin the other person happy. It is not that he is shallow or an a-hole...I think he really likes you or trusts you enough to give you the low-down on his fantasy list. Relationships are great, but they are hard work...When someone breaks up from a long relationship...The good times are usually hidden by the bad times...I truly believe, once this guy checks off his entire list...he will be the best b/f ever, why, because he would have explored his wants and is ready for his soulmate...maybe Im wrong, and maybe I am.

[ShagginJet]

^ Good point Daviso. Maybe it's time for me to make my list, get my sexual needs and fantasies out of the way... hrmm.

[CD5Passion]

^ I dont know if i can agree with all that. I'd be careful with this guy, of course it may just be a thing he is doing to get his mind off this ex, an escape rather. maybe if I personally knew the guy I'd be able to give you a better answer, but my advice would be to very careful, shit spreads way too easily nowadays.

[Rob]

O.K. D...well, I saw this post after I got your PM so now I understand....

Anyway, I've been where this guys is now. If you can believe it, I wasn't always as "flirty" as I am now. When I got married I really hadn't experienced life...so-to-speak...so, when I got divorced I decided that I wanted to be with several different types of females just to see what was out there...I guess the old term of "sowing your wild oats" or whatever applied. That's most likely what this guy is doing. He was probably locked down in this prior relationship and either wasn't happy or didn't get treated right and now that he is technically single, like Johnae was saying, he probably just wants to explore his sexual tastes.

Now, my advice to you....don't be this guy's "friend with benefits"...you are better than that and you deserve better than what he is giving you. As far as pursuing a relationship with him....this guy is older than you and should be past the shit that he is pulling. I would say drop it and stay single for now until you find the guy that is right for you............................................... ...............................like me!

[mylittlecivic]

there is only one for me

[DsBlu01CivEX]

yah I am being careful....I've been thinking about it a lot today (I found out all this at like 7:30 this morning....ugh thats way too early for most things other than sleep). And even though I'm not so sure that I want to be in a full blown relationship with this guy, I think I'm gonna tell him we're not going to be "intimate" until he's done with his list. I just am not that type of girl......I know we both still consider ourselves single and what not....but I know if I'm sleeping with him, I'm not gonna be out sleeping with someone else. The whole disease thing scares the hell out of me.


Daviso...you hit the nail on the head. That is exactly how he explained all of it to me. In pretty much those words.....that was rather scary reading your post!!!!!!

And yes he is very honest with me....and I nkow someone earlier said that I might be one of the girls to check off the list.....I'm not, I asked. And he's never lied to me yet....about anything. So I'm pretty sure that I can trust him about that.

Well remember D if you want him tell him you want him in a full relationship. What you two are/were doing is what leads to the most complications. Someone always holds the relationship to mean more (you) and someone truly acts like they are single(him).

I hope you're doing ok emotionally and physically.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

i'm doin fine.....and we both know where we stand as far as our relationship (or lack there of) is concerned. We're just sorta playin it by ear....if something more comes out of it, then it does, if it doesn't, then it doesn't. Like I think I said earlier....i'm not even 100% sure that I want it to progress into anything more....

any update on this?

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I'm the only one stayin in his bed...so i guess the list isn't that important to him. I'm still playin it chill though. No need to rush anything at all.

how can you sleep with him and keep it just that?

[Rob]

Originally posted by biker's back
how can you sleep with him and keep it just that?

It's called "friends with benefits" and many people practice it..........

[ShagginJet]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
I'm the only one stayin in his bed...so i guess the list isn't that important to him. I'm still playin it chill though. No need to rush anything at all.

Staying in his bed.....?

So if another girl comes over, get's some and leave, did she stay? Are you the only staying in his car too, what about the possible girls bed?

I don't mean to be an ass, but you need to be ok with these thoughts otherwise if something happens you may feel more hurt then you expected. You also need to think of the other possibilities and how you'd feel about things if you found out something different. I personally would keep myself detached and aware, same as anyone should do in this situation.

Friends w/ Benefits might be a little to crude, sounds like it's a little beyond that but just not a relationship.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I used to think that I wouldn't be one of those people that could practice friends with benefits....but apparently I can. So I do. we're careful, and we respect each other enough to be honest with one another if anything would happen with someone else.

[Rob]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
I used to think that I wouldn't be one of those people that could practice friends with benefits....but apparently I can.

There is nothing wrong with being "friends with benefits"...it's a comfort zone...so to speak...it can either grow into more or dwindle off into nothing...as long as you are careful with your feelings with each other, then no one with get hurt........it's when emotions develop on one side and not the other do problems occur.........

[Racing Rice]

Originally posted by AccordinStyle

Now, my advice to you....don't be this guy's "friend with benefits"...you are better than that and you deserve better than what he is giving you.

Werd! I couldnt have said it any better myself.

how can you sleep with him and keep it just that?

I understand what your saying and I agree.. Maybe its just the type of person I am, but to me sex with "no strings attached" just isnt something I think I could do. Damn this sensitivity crap!

[ShagginJet]

^ Just becuase you're having sex with someone and it's a "no strings attached" situation doesn't mean that there aren't feelings invloved. You just have to know how to control those feelings, to realize what's going on and make yourself ok with it, if that's possible.

[Racing Rice]

Originally posted by ShagginJet
You just have to know how to control those feelings, to realize what's going on and make yourself ok with it, if that's possible.

Thats my point though.. You have to beable to think nothing of it, and just do it for the pleasure of doing it.. A lot of people think they are okay with it, but later realize the mistake that they made..

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
I used to think that I wouldn't be one of those people that could practice friends with benefits....but apparently I can. So I do. we're careful, and we respect each other enough to be honest with one another if anything would happen with someone else.

I remember when she was one of those people and I also remember her giving me crap for considering the whole friends with benefits thing at one time. I didn't go through with it and realized I couldn't be one of those people. Hmm, funny how things work out isn't it?

I still love ya D, even though I don't agree with everything you do.

[Rob]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
Hmm, funny how things work out isn't it?

I still love ya D, even though I don't agree with everything you do.

sometimes shit just happens....don't hold it against her Erin......

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
I remember when she was one of those people and I also remember her giving me crap for considering the whole friends with benefits thing at one time. I didn't go through with it and realized I couldn't be one of those people. Hmm, funny how things work out isn't it?

I still love ya D, even though I don't agree with everything you do.

It's very hard to practice what you preach.

[ShagginJet]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
I remember when she was one of those people and I also remember her giving me crap for considering the whole friends with benefits thing at one time.

It's easy to say but harder to do. D as i say, not as i do.

I've always been able to see the solution, it's just a matter of reaching it.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Who were you considering the friends with benefits with????? I don't recall this. And I'm not sayin there isn't more between him and I, but at this point, we're just friends. I wouldn't be capable of sleeping with another guy while I'm sleeping with him, but if a guy asked me out on a date or something or for my phone number, I'd do both. And I'd be honest with Matt about it. And he'd be the same way with me. He tells me about the girls that he meets at the club, and I'd tell him about the guys that I meet (if I ever met any! )

D you two are the friends with benifits... friends and sex... hence the benifits

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I meant who was Erin considering being friends with benefits with.....I know who I'm friends with benefits with....I'm not that slow. My car might be, but not me....

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
Who were you considering the friends with benefits with?????

Well I may not have considered it, but the subject came up between John T. and I. Remember? Around last summer sometime?

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Yah after Saturday night, my memory was jogged.....