Phone call etiquette

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Ok, so there is this guy at the bar that I'm interested in...and he tells me that he's interested in me (and acts like it too...so I'm pretty sure he's not lying)...well he also attends the same college I do. So, before winter break he asked for my phone number so that he can call me and that maybe we can hang out sometime over break. Cool...I gave him my number and he never called. Ok I'm didn't stress at all about it. I didn't think anything about it. Sure I would have liked him to call, but he didn't...no big deal. So, I saw him last night at the bar which is the first time I saw him since giving him my number. And now I feel bad cuz I think I sorta forced him not to call. see...the night I gave him my number Erin and I were sayin about how we hate it when guys call like 900x a week....sorta is like borderline staker. So...he told me that he didn't call for 2 reasons...1 was that he worked a ton over break (which I knew was true cuz I saw one of his roommates over break and he told me that the dude was workin a lot) and 2 was that he didn't want to come off as stalker-ish. So, I informed him that there IS a happy medium between not calling and seeming like an asshole and calling too much and coming off like a stalker. Then I felt bad cuz he didn't call and I basically called him an asshole.

What do you guys think is proper phoning etiquette...like how many times do you call before she calls you back, or how many days in between calling her after you get her number (and this is all based on the fact that you like her and you know she likes you...none of this "I'm not sure if he/she likes me stuff")


*edit* after re-reading this I just realized that I'm not very smooth with guys I like and ultimately thats probably why I'm still single. I gotta work on that.:o

Let me start by saying even my home phone rings some 20times aday and thats when i'm here to notice its ringing. For me phone calls are a big part of my job, when working i can take anywhere between 50 and 100 calls/day which tends to be a bit much.I also have some 200hours on my cell phone. So basically this means i dont like spending shit loads of time on the phone. I guess I have my moments some weeks are the shits for phone calls, and other weeks I just feel like calling (follow me?). But this doesn't mean if a girl calls i wont make time for her, it just means i'm not likely to call her alot that week.

On the topic of how many calls aday, it depends on why you are callling. One thing i've noticed is some of my mates used to call alot and not bother to ask if it was a good time. And because of this i typically ask if its a good time to talk (i dont like putting people off because i caught them at a bad time cause i know how it feels). There is no set number, if there is a reason to call her then its a good reason in my mind and it doesn't mean you have to spend an hour or more on the phone. Sometimes a nice 5minute convo is all thats needed and other times you're just calling to hear her voice because you are blue and then some calls are just those ones where it goes on for hours. Different people treat the phone differently some people dont call alot (me being one of them) and so I've never felt like i've called a girl too much and maybe i dont call often enough? i dunno??

As for the girls responsibilities she has to pick up the phone, if she doesn't take the call and you get the machine she should be the one getting in contact with you. If after awhile she doesn't give you a ring then its hard to tell whats going through her mind. If shes really happy to get a call from you then most likely she's just not the type of girl to call a guy alot. Now if you get the brush off or the machine more then normal then most likely the girl doesn't like you and this is when you stop calling her.

Denise it sounds like you really put your foot in your mouth on this one, way to be insensative! See your first mistake was not understanding where he is coming from, from the sounds of it he really did want to call and well maybe he feels bad for not calling after all this time and just figured you would have been snatched up by now- thus he didn't call you. The ball is in your court on this one, since you've gone and shoved the whole thing in his face.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

but see here's the issue. I CAN'T call him. I don't have his phone number. Had he called me at least once...then I would have and since I am interested in him, I would have called him back. Erin and the rest of the guys we were hanging out with agreed that if a guy says he's gonna call and then doesn't it is sorta asshole-ish especially if you're interested in the girl. I hate the phone just as much as the next person. But I seriously would have called him back. I did apologize to him though before I left for basically calling him an asshole...just not saying "Hey Dave you're an asshole for not calling me". I made it way more general. (the a guy that doesn't call at all is an asshole...you get the idea)

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
but see here's the issue. I CAN'T call him. I don't have his phone number. Had he called me at least once...then I would have and since I am interested in him, I would have called him back. Erin and the rest of the guys we were hanging out with agreed that if a guy says he's gonna call and then doesn't it is sorta asshole-ish especially if you're interested in the girl. I hate the phone just as much as the next person. But I seriously would have called him back. I did apologize to him though before I left for basically calling him an asshole...just not saying "Hey Dave you're an asshole for not calling me". I made it way more general. (the a guy that doesn't call at all is an asshole...you get the idea)

ya well i dont think hes gonna be calling you after all that... all that would scare me away.

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by mt.biker
Sometimes a nice 5minute convo is all thats needed

Yep! That's me!

I hate the phone just as much as the next person.

Hey Denise, you and I are a dime a dozen. I don't know any two people that are as "phoneaphobic" as we are!

I think you screwed the pooch on that one.

As for calling, it's really hard to say. Some people think you call too much if it's once a week, others think 3 times a day isn't enough. Also as Rob mentioned the whole blow off deal. I've heard too many girls complain about "This guy won't stop calling me even though I don't call him back, won't he just get the message?" It's hard to tell when to get the message and when not to, because I've also heard girls complain that the guy hasn't called back even though she never returned his calls.

Now I don't do this, cuz I don't meet girls. But if I were to meet a girl and get her number and tell her I'd call her, I'd probably call her within a day or two if I had a reason to call, such as asking her to do something. I try not to call unless I have a reason, though. Some people like to just chat on the phone, and I do, but lots of people don't want to be called just to chat. I'd rather not piss off those people who don't want to chat until I know they like to just chat on the phone.

This probably sounds like I'm rambling....I've got work to do.

b

Mmkay, on this subject: I find it strange that he didn't call AT ALL just b/c you said you didn't like it when people called 500+ times per day. B/c calling ONCE is SO not stalker material. I just find this odd.

But, the way I was raised is that girls just DO NOT call boys. In my home, when I picked up the phone I was always asked who I was calling, & if it was a male name, my dad would smack my hand & say "No, you're not." It was made clear that girls who call boys are desperate & turned into stalker type split tail whores down the line. It wasn't put to me like that of course, just in a roundabout way. So, even if I have a male's number, he is a VERY special person if I dial it.

But I agree very much, for HIM not to call YOU at least once, and then use the reason, "well, I didn't want to seem like a stalker", that IS being an ass. Plain & simple.

As for how many times to call....I don't think there's a number, but I agree w/what Rob said. There needs to be a reason for the call. If he or she is just calling to tell you what they had for lunch, that can wait. Unless of course, whatever they ate induces explosive vaumiting & they're on their way to the hospital.

For me personally, most of who I talk to knows my schedule. They know I work from 8-5 Mon.-Fri. and not even to call then b/c I can't answer. Then for the weekends, or afterwards, I just think it's unnecessary to do the repetitive calling, 1 right after the other. When guys do that, it scares me. I'll save their numbers in my phone to show up as IGNORE!!! when they call if they do. Just use your head people.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by GirlRacer

But I agree very much, for HIM not to call YOU at least once, and then use the reason, "well, I didn't want to seem like a stalker", that IS being an ass. Plain & simple.

Thank you Quin. I knew another girl would understand where I was coming from with that one. Sure I felt bad about saying it....but....

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
Thank you Quin. I knew another girl would understand where I was coming from with that one. Sure I felt bad about saying it....but....

see the thing is why did you even bother to say anything? If you really wanted to talk to him you could have asked for his number or given him a better reason to call you... instead of doing what you did. Not everyone is able to ask a guy for his number so maybe thats not your cup of tea, but whatever.. i think its kinda ****ed up now

Haha, why are you people telling her that she screwed up. The guy wasn't interested enough to call. Simple as that. Don't waste your time on this guy.

In a related topic , people worry about when they should call etc. I've come to find out that when you call isn't shit, just call whenever the **** you want and if things happen they happen.

[pdiggitydogg]

phone call ediquette...hmm...well the last time I got a girls phone number and called her, a few days later I find out shes married and now I cant get rid of her...so dont ask me

well I usually wait at least two days before calling back
I mean that way i can see if I really do like the girl
and if i get the machine? Ill wait another 2 days before calling back, if I dont get a call, then the number is in the trash because obviously they arn't worth the time

Ok, silly question, but if you're a boy...what up w/that avatar?

Originally posted by pdiggitydogg
phone call ediquette...hmm...well the last time I got a girls phone number and called her, a few days later I find out shes married and now I cant get rid of her...so dont ask me

LOL

because most of the avitars here are pretty much dumb looking and well i know that game, it was final fantasy and well it looked good at the time.

i need to just post whore before I can use my own avitar

I think everything went well and you gave him your #, but him not calling I understand he was busy but he should have at least called to say hi to sound like less of an a$$hole since he never even tried to call.But I think if I was in that situation I would have not giving him my # and said if its meant to be then I'll see you again but in certain circumstances I would.Because you might just run into him elsewhere and get a feel of him.Because its hard to tell in those few minutes when you get #, what a guy is really all about.So all in all I don't think he is really serious about calling you so just don't even worry about him...you can find some other guy

When I get a girls number it usually takes me a couple days to call her back. Typically because I have absolutely nothing interesting to say or suggest. But usually on the 3rd day I'll think of somewhere to go, or something to do. Plus if I call on that 3rd day and no one picks up I might call once more later that day or the next day. Yet if no one still picks up I don't want to call because if she has caller ID I'll seem like a stalker.

Another thing is, if I call a girl all the time, and she doesn't call me or at least say CALL ME AT BLAH BLAH OCLOCK TOMMOROW, or something letting me know that she enjoys it I'll eventually stop calling.

Rule of thumb for you girls, guys like to know when they are on the right track. We've all been lured to things that have no real point in it so we are pretty touchy on thoughts of perhaps girl is leading to no where.

So geez call us out of the blue every now and then, or at least try to make it seem like you want us to call back soon. Girls should call just like guys should, its pretty outdated to put phone calls and all the decision making on guys in that issue. Its the year 2003!!