Some people just don't get it (me)

[ebpda9]

well here is how the story goes: i met this girl few years ago, and we stayed best friends for a while then i kind of fell for her. i had a talk with her last year about us being togheter, but her situation with the parents wasn't so great and we decided to stay best friends, because she knew that we might argue about her situation with her dad. So this year she moved out to college, still in cleveland and she lives in a dorm. She came few times over at my place for few times (nothing happened), and then i started falling again for her. This sunday i went to her dorm to visit her and everything was ok, then we went out for a ride in the park where i kind of felt we were closer than just best friends, but on monday she seemed to be so cold with me, and again today when i called her. i don't know but this time is a bit different, i'm starting to lose sleep over this issue, and even worse i can't focus on anything. i'd talk to her again, but i'm afraid she is gonna see me like a "desperado", or i did not get the message last year. i really don't know what to think, and i don't have the experience of reading girls. if you can't help me that's ok. i just wanted to get this off my chest.

for starters you can't read girls they dont even know what they're thinking.

who cares what she thinks and go for it!

[ebpda9]

see she is still my best friend and i don't wanna blow it all out. i'd rather lose my sleep for a few weeks rather than not talking to her at all. i know i'm a weirdo, but i might follow your advice tomorrow when i need to look something up on her computer

Originally posted by hondaman-iac
see she is still my best friend and i don't wanna blow it all out. i'd rather lose my sleep for a few weeks rather than not talking to her at all. i know i'm a weirdo, but i might follow your advice tomorrow when i need to look something up on her computer

dude, well if you really have such a great friendship wont your relationship just get stronger. nows the time to be the man dude! Go ask her out or talk to her about what she wants in life.. just somethign to get the ball rolling so to speak

It's really hard once you get in that friend zone. I don't care what anyone says. A guy and a girl will never "just be friends". I mean, you totally can be but there will always be chemistry somewhere. We're only human. I've had guy friends that fell for me. There were 2 that I did end up dating and we're no longer friends anymore. I'm not trying to bring you down. I'm really not but everything changes once you cross that line. From the way that you said she was acting, I think that she has feelings for you as well. As to why she was acting cold, either she is playing hard to get or she is trying to make you think that she doesn't need you or she is trying to push you away because of her feelings because they might scare her. I think that you should talk to her about. Stress that you want no games and total honesty. No fronts. If you put up with bullshit now, then you'll be putting up with it further down the road. Whatever happens, please remember to take things slow and COMMUNICATE. It would be a very important decision on both of your parts and there's going to be a lot of feelings that are going to be involved. Good luck with everything.

[ebpda9]

thanks for the advice missy. see what i'm afraid off is that if we bnlow out the relationship the fingers will be pointed at me, and i'm a bit sick of having fingers pointing at me (not for this reason anyhow). that's my dillema. i really don't want to blow it all off, plus i don't think i'm mr perfect. i'll try and talk to her.

You're welcome. No one should be pointing anything at anyone though. I'm sure that you don't want to wake up one day and know that you didn't at least try so give it a shot.

[ebpda9]

Originally posted by msvtec14
You're welcome. No one should be pointing anything at anyone though. I'm sure that you don't want to wake up one day and know that you didn't at least try so give it a shot.

yeah you have a point. the worst it could happen is that she will say no.

I agree with MsVtec on this one. Communication IS the key. The way I see it is that she's giving you the cold shoulder because she doesnt want to hurt you. Seems like she does value you a lot or she wouldn't have stayed friends with you after you confessed your feelings towards her. So, there must be something in the way of you and her, whether it be that she doesnt feel the same way or if she doesnt think it would work out for some reason (her dad). I had a friend like that that I liked. I told her how I felt and she gave the the cold shoulder. She loved me as a friend but didn't care for me more than that. She shut me out for awhile so I wouldnt get the wrong impression. It feels so bad to get led on when there's nothing really there. Communicate. I feel for you. Hopefully this one works out for you more than mine did for me.

[ebpda9]

hopefully it will work out. i just need the courage to approach the subject.

if she means that much to you it shouldn't be an issue

Originally posted by hondaman-iac
well here is how the story goes: i met this girl few years ago, and we stayed best friends for a while then i kind of fell for her. i had a talk with her last year about us being togheter, but her situation with the parents wasn't so great and we decided to stay best friends, because she knew that we might argue about her situation with her dad. So this year she moved out to college, still in cleveland and she lives in a dorm. She came few times over at my place for few times (nothing happened), and then i started falling again for her. This sunday i went to her dorm to visit her and everything was ok, then we went out for a ride in the park where i kind of felt we were closer than just best friends, but on monday she seemed to be so cold with me, and again today when i called her. i don't know but this time is a bit different, i'm starting to lose sleep over this issue, and even worse i can't focus on anything. i'd talk to her again, but i'm afraid she is gonna see me like a "desperado", or i did not get the message last year. i really don't know what to think, and i don't have the experience of reading girls. if you can't help me that's ok. i just wanted to get this off my chest.

wanna know why she is acting like this...cause
girls are ignorant

Originally posted by incubus86


wanna know why she is acting like this...cause
girls are ignorant

respect! amen to that my brotha from anotha motha!

girls are WHACK! i once saw a book explaining the reason woman feel the way they do, well when you open it all the pages are blank! at the back it explained men, it said. I'm hungry feed me. I'm lonely sleep with me. I haven't had enough time with the guys, get me a beer. Night i'm tired!

i was lmao in the book store (this was a long time ago btw) and everyone was looking at me funny... no one gets me!

Originally posted by hondaman-iac
hopefully it will work out. i just need the courage to approach the subject.

This may sound retarded but seriously think about what you want to say and say it out loud. Change the roles up for a minute. You know this girl very well and you know how she thinks. Think about how she is going to take what you say. What will she think? You know? If I were you, I wouldn't lay it on too thick as it might intimidate her. When I crossed that line with one of my friends I totally saw him in a new way. A good way. I was friends with this guy for years. Then what was between us started happening, it was like seeing this totally different side of him. For years I had seen him as Justin. My buddy. Just a friend. Out of nowhere I saw this sweet, sensitive, caring side of him. He started talking about stuff that he'd never dare talk about when we were just friends. It was a big plus that we were friends for so long because it felt like we had been together for years. But then it got all weird because he would act weird when it came to me hanging around other guys friends that we had been friends with for years. People fought. Not good. We're not friends anymore and that really sucks.

dude i'd still say talk to her about it, and if nothing else just find where she is at. You might be getting this cold shoulder because shes scared of the unknown.

my personal rule, is if the girl has been a best friend for more then a year its not likely gonna work out. but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her about it.. so get off your ass and get over there!

btw dude. people never get me,..... even my friends are just starting to get me. I think theres alot of things that go on behind the scenes that people just dont understand.. dude dont worry if she doesn't get where your coming from. If she doesn't feel the same way give her some space and then be friends agian

Originally posted by incubus86


wanna know why she is acting like this...cause
girls are ignorant

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Most girls are ignorant. Not all. Are you in a bad mood today? I don't get offended because I know that I'm not most girls but still. Don't think we're all bad To be honest with you, I totally agree with what you guys say about the majority of girls. They're stupid. I hate a lot of them. There's about 6 or 7 girls here at my work that hate me with every bone in their bodies and I still really don't know why. I think it has something to do with not offering someone to let them open their car door before I opened mine I don't know? I find it amusing. They hate me

I'm not in a bad mood, its just that one time a long time ago, someone told me that. And everyday i wake up i keep it in the back of my mind. I love my ex girlfriend more then life itself and I'd do anything in the world to put a smile on her face, but she is a girl, and she is ignorant.

And i'll disagree with you. You are right, most girls are ignorant all the time, and a select few are very cool to be around, but all girls have that magical bone in there body and can be ignorant. Are you going to tell me that you where never ignorant, miss? Seriously now....think about it. I'm not all religious and I don't know if people have evolved or if there is a god and he put us all here...but if there is a god and he created adam and then made eve from a part of adam, that rib bone....was the male ignorant bone, hence why all girls are ignorant.

Oh, I'm not going to lie. I can be ignorant just like the next person. But not in the ways that you guys are talking about. I don't behave certain ways to mask other feelings or throw people off. If I like someone, I don't sit there and act like I don't unless he is being an @sshole or something. Or if I have a crush on someone and say he has a girlfriend, I'm obviously going to hide it. I'm a straight up person. In terms of when I am ingnorant an example would be if someone is being an @sshole over something stupid. I'll be the bigger @sshole. And you won't win. Like this past weekend my friend refused to stop at Dunkin Donuts because it was on the left hand side of the road and she "didn't feel like" making a left hand turn. I told her that was corny and she called me a b*tch. Then she tried being all buddy-buddy with me and I was just like, "Why are you talking to me if I'm such a b*tch?" and I refused to speak to her the whole way home from RI. You're going to call me a b*tch because I think it's corny that you can't take a left hand turn, I'll show you what a b*tch is. Sorry. I hope I'm not scaring anyone It was really stupid though and I hate stupid drama.

[ebpda9]

hmm i think the ignorance is not the case with her. usually she is very open. it might be that she is very scared of all these new things that will change her daily routine. i don't know. from what she told me she had a bf when she was 16, and during the prom she said that she was with a guy but it lasted very short: not more than 2 weeks.

Melissa is confused. What does she do that she has a daily routine? From a girl's point of view. I'm a pretty busy person. I work a full time job. I have all my car stuff that I'm into. My whole music scene and a lot of different friends. At no point would I ever be scared that a boyfriend would mess that up. So, she's only had that relationship? You said you were 22, right? Assuming that she is the same age, a boyfriend when you're 16 and one when you're 22 is two totally different ball games.

[ebpda9]

Actually she is 19.

19 is young my friend. I'd stay away. If she is anything like an of the girls i know, if she is confused now, she will still be confused in a few years. Girls around here get even worse after they turn 21. Its like there world opens up and they can drink.

thats my opinion.

[ebpda9]

hmm i don't know dude. see i know some 19 years girls, but she does not behave like them. she seems so mature. sometimes i seem to be a kid next to her.

you are going to do what you feel is right, and you should but


heed my warning....
she will change when she reaches 21

What's going to happen when I turn 21? Am I going to grow wings or something? If I could fly, that would be cool. But scary because I'm terrified of heights.

i dunno...but when girls that are in relationships turn 21, they all of a sudden want to be single....

[ebpda9]

i don't know i'll give it a try, and hopefully it will work out beyound 21

GOODLUCK!

Ehhhhhh. I don't know about that. I have an id so I go to bars here and there without a problem. I used to go all the time in the beginning of the summer. Bars are beat. I don't go often anymore. And if I do, it's to have fun with my friends. I'm the baby of the group so they're all 21/22. I don't go there looking for some meaningful relationship because I don't think that I'll ever find that in a bar.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

ok....stefan...I say go with your heart. No matter what we all say in here you gotta go with your heart and your gut. If they're sayin 2 different things go with your gut....I've learned that lesson the hard way. I'd have to agree that it seems to me that she is just uncertain of where things will be going. Seems to me that she is just scared. Talk to her on a low key level. Don't seem pushy, just make it known to her that you are still interested in her more than a friend. See what she has to say and respect her for the answer that she gives. Good luck with everything. You'll have to keep us updated.

[ebpda9]

thanks for the advice denise. if it will be to go with my git i will have to hide in a closet or something. i'm just missing this "quality" i think i'll talk to her on saturday and sunday, and then i'll post the results. hopefully i won't say that i was hidden in a closet

DON'T hide in a closet. Did anyone see The Sweetest Thing? I know it sounds like a total chick flick. BTW no offense to you gals that like chick flicks. They're just not my style. It was actually really good. Really funny too. I learned a lot from that movie. I watched it last night. But anyway, to have anything good in your life you're going to be taking a risk in one way or another.

Originally posted by msvtec14
DON'T hide in a closet. Did anyone see The Sweetest Thing? I know it sounds like a total chick flick. BTW no offense to you gals that like chick flicks. They're just not my style. It was actually really good. Really funny too. I learned a lot from that movie. I watched it last night. But anyway, to have anything good in your life you're going to be taking a risk in one way or another.

yup i saw it, it was a really odd movie. Though your right it does give a message... GIRLS ARE WHACK hehe just joking

[ebpda9]

Originally posted by mt.biker


yup i saw it, it was a really odd movie. Though your right it does give a message... GIRLS ARE WHACK hehe just joking

LMAO.

No, the girls in that movie were definetly really REALLY strange. But I learned something from Cameron Diaz's part because I pretty much do the same thing. I don't want to end up like that, dancing to Usher alone on a crowded dance floor No but seriously, I do have an issue similar to that.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I didn't get to see that movie but I wanted to....it sounds similar to my 2 best friends and I. at least the story line/characters in a way. My problem isn't talkin to the guys I'm interested in...it's telling them that I'm interested in them. It's the whole rejection thing. and so far I haven't found a guy that I feel is worth risking humiliation for.

[ebpda9]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
...It's the whole rejection thing....

same problem here. maybe i wouldn't be too worried about it if it wouldn't be for the rejection.

what do you have to lose people? i dont like it when people hold back their feelings it jsut makes thing more interesting.

Around a girl i'm interested and or dating i say just about all the emotions.... and often some i shouldn't say

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I just can't express my emotions very well...I've never been very good at that.