My college crossroads

[Wren57]

I'm somewhat torn right now. All of my life I have had good values and high standards thanks to a loving traditional southern family. This premature maturity has caused lots of problems. I think more like an adult than a lot of adults I know, and treat situations with a seriousness that most college students just don't have. I'm stuck at a crossroads where I need to make a decision on what direction I want to take for the rest of my college life.

1) Stay the way I am now. Keep high standards, strong values and morals, and continue to respect women. This is the way I am now. It has caused a divide between myself and Vi who doesn't exactly share the values I have. I won't be having sex with anyone any time soon because I respect women and myself too much to have sex with someone I am not dating, I wasn't raised like that. I would be an adult stuck in a heavy party college.

2) Immature; lose some of my values, drop my morals and lower my standards. I find it fascinating that I can even consider this when I put it as simply as I just did. But, I would be able to handle Vi's flaws easier, keeping a better relationship with her. Also I would "fit in" more here, be able to hookup with girls I know, and live a simpler college life.

Which option fits me best? Right now, I simply do not know. I want to maintain my high morals and values, but at the same time I don't want to be critical of Vi's actions simply because I choose to not engage in similar activities. I don't want to spend the next 3 years of my college life as a loner, but I don't want to just have sex with someone either. I think what I need right now is a steady GF, a girl who is not just a sex object, but my best friend. That is what I had, and I feel like I've gone backwards by not having one now. Sure they aren't hard to find, but I'm a laid back kinda guy and don't like to actively pursue women, it's just not my style, and has caused me to make mistakes in the past, so I really should learn from them. Someone help... Thanks ya'll.

[Rob]

Dude...I am gonna come to Tuscalossa and smack the living shit out of you......you're what? 18? 19? Go out, have fun, get laid....don't worry about shit. You have your whole life ahead of you.....enjoy it.....you don't need a girl friend or a life partner right now...f@ck that. What you need is to meet a bunch of girls and see what all is out there. Hang with your friends...be confident and outgoing and dry your damn tears.......

[KwikR6]

Are you gay?
You go to college once.
Have fun!
Doesn't mean to go and fuck every woman in front of you. But live a little...

[Wren57]

Yeah guys, its 2am and im fucked up and I just called my mom. She is so cool. She put everything into perspective...

Wren, the biggest mistake you could make is to be anyone but yourself. If number 1 is who you are, then you shouldnt ever change that, especially not for a girl.

Vi is the way she is, maybe you need to start excepting the fact you two might never be and get over her. You think too much and this is why you're going in circles on the issue. Always trying to find whats wrong and fix it. Just maybe though, nothing is wrong and you two just need to go your own ways.

Dont lower your standards, dont sleep around or for that matter do anything thats not really you. In time all these things that seemed difficult about college will be something you laugh about when you're the youngest CEO of the company. Trust me, being mature sooner is not something you want to hide from, it will take you many places.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

I'm with Biker on this one....dude totally be yourself and if you are mature and carry high morals and standards for yourself, then be that person. don't let what people around you are doing affect your decision making skills. I do think that you should let your "hair" down and live a little. I'm not sayin to go sleep around and what not, but I think that gettin out and going to some parties and stuff does any person some good. It gets them to relax and have a lil fun and forget about the everyday things that bother them.

If your ex's actions bother you that much, then maybe you should cut your ties with her completely. Sure it sounds a lot easier than it is, but I think that you stressin over what she's doing and not doing is making you not be able to have a good time in college. We all define who we're going to be as an adult in college (and for those that aren't in college, that age range). So you really need to think about who you want to be as an adult and what goals you want to accomplish as an adult and start working towards them.

[Wren57]

Yeah, I cut all ties to her last night. Every other time we stopped talking for a while it had ended on a bad note. Last night I called and said it was completely over, but that I wanted to end on a good note. We talked things out for a while, then wished each other the best and said goodbye. Don't worry about me partying, I am out ALL the time partying, just not having sex. Shit, last night I had captn mo, Jaeger, funneled some beer then called my mom at 2am. I party a lot and have lots of friends, so I'm not lacking in that area at all.


for those interested, I'm keeping an online journal type thing. Here is what I entered today after my crossroads thing:

It is so pretty here it is difficult to be anything other than extremely happy. Ended some things last night, did my absolute best to try to end positively. I ended up getting trashed and called my mom around 2am to talk to her about things. She really is so great, I need to remember that and do everything I can to show her the same love she has always shown me. She helped me figure everything out, as she always has. I've decided which of my two choices I shall take. I can do nothing less than to accept option 1. I will absolutely under no circumstances lower myself as a person for any reason whatsoever. I will be true to myself, my family, and my beliefs. My morals, values and goals will not fall victim to mere temptation, my mind is too strong for that. Rob helped me out a bit too with some good advice.

"Dont lower your standards, dont sleep around or for that matter do anything thats not really you. In time all these things that seemed difficult about college will be something you laugh about when you're the youngest CEO of the company. Trust me, being mature sooner is not something you want to hide from, it will take you many places."

I really take this to heart, Rob is a good guy who I've known for a few years now. He seems to take everything in stride and has always wound up on the better end of the stick, something I can learn from. Another friend, Jon, is going through the exact same situation right now, it is ironic how he and I agree on everything from politics to women to sports. As he says "It is amazing how sometimes even politics make more sense than women." Oh well, can't worry about it or it'll eat you up. "Life is too short to be anything but happy." -Jill . Very, very true. From now on, if something is making me unhappy or someone I care about unhappy, I will fix it asap, or realize it isn't fixable and move past it. I'm not gonna try to be anyone that I am not, not going to try to impress anyone, because I don't need to. I'm gonna sit back, enjoy my life, soak up the sights and sounds and wait for her (whomever she may be) to come to me. When someone has their internal life together and solidified, it shows on the outside, and it is about damn time I got mine back together. Thanks everyone for everything.

[GT40FIED]

Again Rob (Biker, that is) has shown us the way. Who cares about what you think you should be while you're in college if it's not who you really are? When I came to college I was the same old person I ever was. Granted, I don't see sex outside of a relationship as disrespectful to woman so long as you don't treat it in a degrading manor. But lowering your standards will only serve to confuse you and belittle all of those values your parents spent years instilling in you. I find it kind of funny that someone who actually HAS morals and values sees those attributes as a flaw. Just because you're in college doesn't mean you have to buy into all that bullshit that you should just toss away everything you believe and party and have meaningless indiscriminant sex. Some people just watch too much "Animal House". Just be who you are and fuck everyone else (though in this case not literally). If someone can't accept you for you then you don't need them around.

[Wren57]

Originally posted by GT40FIED
I find it kind of funny that someone who actually HAS morals and values sees those attributes as a flaw.

Good post dude, thanks for the support. I don't understand this one sentence tho...

[GT40FIED]

Well...you seem to be struggling with whether or not those morals and values are burdens or not. There are so many people out there running around with NO morals or values and here you are questioning whether or not yours are holding you back. Trust me man...you're much better off having them than abondoning them for some ideal college life that isn't who you really are. It just gave me a little laugh to think that someone who actually had such attributes to see them as a potential flaw.

I think that people shouldn't change because of what others had done to them. It's good to change for the better bt not for the worse. Changing your love life and the way you want it because somebody hurt you is not good. Changing your love life to respect yourself and o ther women is good. Just be who you want to be.
Just reading your posts you seem like #1...definately not #2...
What do you want to be?

One more thing, just because you're young...doesn't mean you have to live a certain lifestyle. Age is nothing but a number...how old you are...not a maturity bracket for the way to live your life...if you wanna screw around...then do so because you want to...not because you're young.