.:HSTuners::

*KwikR6* · 11-16-2005, 11:39 PM

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God that you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it were a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

*pdiggitydogg* · 11-16-2005, 11:48 PM

All of these are long overdue

Fatal070 · 11-17-2005, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pdiggitydogg

All of these are long overdue

Agreed

GT40FIED · 11-17-2005, 02:41 AM

Are those from Real Time With Bill Maher by any chance?

*ChrisCantSkate* · 11-17-2005, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pdiggitydogg

All of these are long overdue

+1

ebpda9 · 11-17-2005, 12:53 PM

awesome

CD5Passion · 11-17-2005, 01:15 PM

all are good except for the eyebrows thing...have you ever seen a woman with undone eyebrows?

MissJDM · 11-17-2005, 01:57 PM

I enjoyed the eyebrow thing. Have you seen the girls that overpluck and then have to draw 'em in? When it is drawn, it's usually a thick black or a reddish color.

wax

mavaaoife · 11-17-2005, 02:31 PM

funneh

*AzCivic* · 11-17-2005, 06:34 PM

ahahahahahah

nonovurbizniz · 11-19-2005, 11:09 AM

My wife's neice said to her one time (after she over plucked) why do you look angry aunty?

It was funny they were just two upward slashes like
\ /
OO
~

She's way hotter than that though... lol.

*KwikR6* · 11-19-2005, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by nonovurbizniz
My wife's neice said to her one time (after she over plucked) why do you look angry aunty?

It was funny they were just two upward slashes like
\ /
OO
~

She's way hotter than that though... lol.

By the looks of that picture. I'd do her.! hahahahah

11-16-2005, 11:39 PM	#1
KwikR6 Mind Blowing Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Cloud 69 Age: 44 Posts: 8,871	New Rules!!!! New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God that you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it were a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. __________________ I JDM. I My Honda The epitome of stupidity is expressed so fluidly with the shity lyric theory you try to spit at me. I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER!!!

11-17-2005, 02:41 AM	#4
GT40FIED Best...mod...ever Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: At the end of the longest line Age: 43 Posts: 7,451	Are those from Real Time With Bill Maher by any chance? __________________ 1984 1/2 Mustang GT350 #842, Faster than you...nuff said Anna Fan Club President/Dictator Someday, in the event that mankind actually figures out what it is that this world actually revoles around, thousands of people are going to be shocked and perplexed that it was not them. Sometimes this includes me. "If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever." - George Orwell Welcome to the new Amerika

11-17-2005, 12:53 PM	#6
ebpda9 Repost Wagon Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: over here Age: 44 Posts: 17,266	awesome __________________

11-17-2005, 01:15 PM	#7
CD5Passion Registered User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Santa Barbara, California Age: 38 Posts: 5,446	all are good except for the eyebrows thing...have you ever seen a woman with undone eyebrows? __________________

11-17-2005, 01:57 PM	#8
MissJDM Registered User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: West Coast Age: 38 Posts: 2,244	I enjoyed the eyebrow thing. Have you seen the girls that overpluck and then have to draw 'em in? When it is drawn, it's usually a thick black or a reddish color. wax __________________ you say it best when you say nothing at all

11-16-2005, 11:48 PM	#2
pdiggitydogg Yahoo Watashi wa kattaze! Join Date: May 2002 Location: Meanwhile, up in The D... Age: 41 Posts: 10,579	All of these are long overdue

11-17-2005, 02:31 PM	#9
mavaaoife Registered User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Atlanta, Ga. Age: 40 Posts: 1,486	funneh __________________ 1994 Supra TT Auto-THE WORLDS MOST CURSED SUPRA!!! www.atlsupras.com Http://www.myspace.com/tehren84

11-17-2005, 06:34 PM	#10
AzCivic Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Az Age: 43 Posts: 3,804	ahahahahahah

11-19-2005, 11:09 AM	#11
nonovurbizniz Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: ECUSA Age: 47 Posts: 2,693	My wife's neice said to her one time (after she over plucked) why do you look angry aunty? It was funny they were just two upward slashes like \ / OO ~ She's way hotter than that though... lol. __________________ I am an A$$hole... take anything I say to heart at YOUR OWN RISK...

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