Need some relationship help!

hey yall.

I am in need of some help. Here is the story:

I was dating this girl for over a year. We had a kick ass relationship for about 7 months... then an old bf ofhers came back (they never had total closure), and some sparks flew. So I tried for awhile to bring her back from the dark side. Well after awhile I was tired of hearing 'I'lll do this and I'll do that'. It was just a bunch of talk. So by the time she came back around and booted the guy (they didnt date or anything). Then she came back and was ready to start over.

Well by this time I was not where I was and had lost my feelings. I told her I didnt have the spark I needed and stuff. There was crying and stuff.. But you cant help the way you feel.

Well we both agreed that it was time to start dating again. I told her it wasnt healthy for her to wait around for me to come around. Well the other night she met a guy. Which I guess in a way is good for her. But for me, I am having a hard time dealing with it.

My love life has been totally sucky lately. Every girl whom I have tried to hook up with as just not worked for one reason or another. I have started to take it as a hint that maybe I am supposed to be with my ex. She is a great girl and has changed her evil ways, and has proven it.

The thing I am trying to battle is. (and right now I have a pain in my stomach). I cant tell if its just jealousy. Or if what I am doing right now (trying to find something differant) is the right thing to do or not. I am trying to figure out if what is infront of me is what I am looking for and I am just to blind to see it. And if I leave this alone if I am making a big mistake?????

I am going to her house to talk to her tonght. I dont have a lot of time on this. I have a small window here and have to think fast on what I want to do.

Any ideas?

(PS - Sorry this is so long )

[DsBlu01CivEX]

definitely talk things over with her. See where she stands at this point in her life. I would also say you might want to let her go on a couple of dates with this new guy (that you may or may not be jealous over) to see where that takes her. she may realize the same thing you are. That the 2 of you are supposed to be together, but she's not gonna know unless she goes out with him. Ya follow? I hope that this isn't too late...and I would write more if it weren't like 1:15 in the am and I need to go to bed. If you still want more advice or what not....let me know. I'll see what I can do to help ya out.

[ebpda9]

hire some bullies and have them kick the guys ass :o jfwy.


don't try to figure out girls or you might end up in a nut house. i bet that when you tried to hook up with another girls you were thinking about your ex, so that's maybe why it didn't work out for you. Maybe you haven't find the right one yet. if u really want to get a girl that you want you should drop that cold shield that nobody can touch you and let them know you are available. as i heard and from experience the second chance relationships don't work.

[Whiteclipse99]

If you truely have feelings for her, then you should be happy for her no matter if she's with you or someone else. I know from experience that it's hard and it hurts to see the one you care about with someone else. But sometimes you have to be with other people to realize that the one you want, you once had all along. I always go by this: "If it's meant to be, it will happen!"

[Rob]

Originally posted by Whiteclipse99
"If it's meant to be, it will happen!"

Very true

If you guys are meant to be together, then you will be. If not, then it wasn't meant to be......

I went to her house last night after work and talked to her about everything. Gave her two opitions.

1) She can try me one more and (with no certainty) and see IF a spark flies again.

2) Tell me no and try this new guy out.

I told her to sleep on it.

Well I woke up this morning and thought. Its not fair for me to (sense she met someone nice... and my feelings arent totally clear) try and stop their thing. I felt that she has more guarentee with this other guy then she does with me and stuff.

I told her to choose him. Do yall agree?

[Rob]

Dude...if I were you, I would just give things time to cool off for a day or two....if she really cares about you and really wants to be with you....you'll know. If you pressure her or force her to make a decision when she's not ready then that will probably just push her away from you. I'm speaking from experience..........

I do agree. And I am going to let it sit for a few days.

But if you are in this positions and you dont know how your feelings are towards the person... Just going on a but feeling.... How do you measure that?

[Rob]

Originally posted by civic3x98
I do agree. And I am going to let it sit for a few days.

But if you are in this positions and you dont know how your feelings are towards the person... Just going on a but feeling.... How do you measure that?

That's a tough one...in my experience what you might think is love might just be lust or a "I want her because I might not be able to have her" feeling......

You've invested a year of your life with this girl so obviously there are still gonna be some kind of feelings....and hopefully on both parts (meaning you AND her). Hmmm....let me ask you this...if you met a girl tomorrow that was really attractive and you had alot in common with, would you still think of your ex or would you want to see what's up with this new girl?

I would now leave it in her hands. If I was in your position and I was 5 months back I would just let her go. If the girl really cared for you she will come back to you. If your pushing yourself back into her life your not doing either of you any favors.

The reality is she left you for another man, if shes done it once she'll do it again. She is playing you and I would stay clear of a girl who dumps you (in a good relationship) for an old relationship. If she goes back with you shes doign what shes always done; she just plays games dude.

There are better girls out there, dont limit your options by focusing just on ONE girl!

Originally posted by AccordinStyle
That's a tough one...in my experience what you might think is love might just be lust or a "I want her because I might not be able to have her" feeling......

You've invested a year of your life with this girl so obviously there are still gonna be some kind of feelings....and hopefully on both parts (meaning you AND her). Hmmm....let me ask you this...if you met a girl tomorrow that was really attractive and you had alot in common with, would you still think of your ex or would you want to see what's up with this new girl?

To answer your question I would want to see what is up with the new girl. I dont know what my feelings are for my ex. I was confused by them, thats why I went to her and told her what i did. But all in all I think leaving it alone now and letting her and the new guy do their thing is better for her. I do know there is physical attractiion there. But I dont know if there is love or not. And thats why im so hesitant. She has something good there and not guarentees with me.. so......

[Rob]

Originally posted by civic3x98
To answer your question I would want to see what is up with the new girl. I dont know what my feelings are for my ex. I was confused by them, thats why I went to her and told her what i did. But all in all I think leaving it alone now and letting her and the new guy do their thing is better for her. I do know there is physical attractiion there. But I dont know if there is love or not. And thats why im so hesitant. She has something good there and not guarentees with me.. so......

o.k....with this being said I'd have to say let it go with you and your ex....true what the other Rob was saying (mt. biker), if she left you once she will do it again but that's beside the point. Think of it this way, you're not gonna be happy waiting around for her. You'd probably be better off looking out for you and what makes you happy right now....take some time to be single and think about what you want and then when you're ready...go from there....

ok just from a girls point of view...and since i have been in this position before...be single for awhile...date around to see what you 'really' want in a girl and don't worry about your ex....you need to just relax and party alittle..the right girl will come around eventually and you will def know it when she does....

I totally agree with you Good things happen when you are not looking for them

Here's an Idea: If someone is good enough for a 2nd chance- they won't need it.

[Rob]

Originally posted by GirlRacer
Here's an Idea: If someone is good enough for a 2nd chance- they won't need it.

good answer

[VR4_Craver]

I know exactly how you feel. My ex and I are the same and there is not a day that goes by that i dont think of her or think "i had dont this different..." Dont do that to your self it will ruin your day and just make you upset at her. The best thing to do (after so many tries) I found is say good luck and good bye. Its hard i know but just be a freidn and later if you decide you should get back together then give a try but dont bend over backwards for it to work. Because the same thing will happen.. Hope you sort it all out good luck.