ok guys I need help.....

Please tell me if I am crazy........

Ok well quick backgroung.... my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now and us and my daughter( 3yrs old)living together for about 9 months.

Here it is: I approched him last night because there is a new girl at his work that is pretty, funny, and smart, ( all I thought I was )well she is married but she flirts with him. I am worried that he will cheat on me with her here is why ( and this is what I told him): 1.When we fight he says that ther is nothing between us anymore. 2. his last girlfriend ( of 5years ) that he loved very much( even though she lived far away) he cheated on 3 or 4 times. 3. a girl being married does not bother him , I was when we got together( grantid I was in the last stages of my divorce). His response was that he loves me but I cant help to still think, espically since things are not as "Hot" latley as they have been.
well guys I need to hear the HONEST truth on what you think about this.....

honest truth here: I personally wouldnt ever cheat on a girlfriend but if he has a track record it makes it hard to trust....basically all ya got to go on here is instinct....but to help i would say this....if things arent "hot" anymore work with him to figure out why and then try to spice things back up a bit....if he cheats its prolly because he wants what he isnt gettin from the relationship....that doesnt make it right by any means so dont get me wrong....but maybe if things were "hot" again he wouldnt even consider it! Just an idea....best of luck to ya i hate being in yer spot....its a horrible feeling :(

BTW yer NOT crazy!

Break up with him. Why are you still there? Really, he already admitted he's a cheater, says they're isn't anything else in the relationship, yada yada. If there aren't fiscal reasons to hang around, bolt.

Max

[4jacks]

I agree your not crazy!

Although I dont have too much good advice in a situation like this i'm going just beg you not to be one of those women who end up stickin w/ some guy that cheats on her every other week.

try to work the relationship out !
But if he cheats , he ended the relationship, dont take no Cr@p

Wish you the Best

Sounds like you have basically answered your own questions. Listen to what you are saying:

there is a new girl at his work that is pretty, funny, and smart, ( all I thought I was )

Why do you think you are no longer pretty, funny and smart? You are obviously feel undesirable in this relationship. I have no doubt you are all those things - but this relationship is making you feel "less than".

I am worried that he will cheat on me with her here is why ( and this is what I told him): 1.When we fight he says that ther is nothing between us anymore.

Well that's pretty blunt. The smoke signals are right in front of you. Your relationship is obviously in distress - so what are the two of you doing about it? Are you sitting down and talking about what is holding back your relationship and coming up with ways to fix it? Are you seeking any sort of couples counseling? Or are you just hoping things will magically be fixed? They won't. You have to work at it.

2. his last girlfriend ( of 5years ) that he loved very much( even though she lived far away) he cheated on 3 or 4 times.

You know the potential is there and you don't trust. Major issue - and one not easily overcome. What are the two of you doing to build your relationship and give a strong foundation of love, support and trust?

3. a girl being married does not bother him , I was when we got together( grantid I was in the last stages of my divorce). His response was that he loves me but I cant help to still think, espically since things are not as "Hot" latley as they have been.
well guys I need to hear the HONEST truth on what you think about this..... [/b]

Again, an acknowledgement that you know the relationship is in trouble. Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and really figure out what you want out of the relationship and if you are heading in the same direction. You may end up finding out that deep down, neither one of you is getting what you need out of it... could also be that you come to the realization that you really want to work it out no matter what it takes. In either case, the only way you are going to find out is to discuss it very calmly and in a non-threatening manner (i.e. not in the middle of a fight or heated debate). If you do wish you continue the relationship, I would really suggest you guys look into counseling. It really sounds like that is something that your relationship greatly needs if you want to make this work.

Best of luck!
SpongeBob

First, in my experience, girls are much less inclined to cheat on their mates than guys...and they are huge flirts. also, (kind of a stupid question..but...) how attractive is ur boyfriend?...would she even be REALLY attracted to him?
you may be worried about nothing.
However...if there is something to worry about, then leave him, because guys are assholes, and they are made through evolution to mate with more than one female....aaannyway....
here is the conclusion to my advice...
become a lesbian...girls are hotter anyway.

[Racing Rice]

I agree with Sponge Bob. You have to sit down and have a long useful talk. If you cant there is your first problem. This is where trust comes into play. You have to becauseful about what you do. If you show him that you dont trust him he will probably be more inclined to cheat, itll be his way off rebeling. He'll probably figures, she thinks Im going to cheat anyway. I aught to just do it. Weak excuse, but chances are thats what will happen.

Try to figure out a way to talk to him with out making him feel like a target. Dont bring up cheating directly, but kinda try to "hint around the bush" so to speak. The only person that can change himself is him. You cant so dont even try. If you do youll just make things worse. Someone who cheats, shows nothing but disrespect for the other person.

Good Luck with your situation.

thanks for all the helpful advice guys, it has really helped me to understand what it is that I need ans what I need to do, you guys are the best! MUAH!

BTW, The thing that I said about me not being pretty, ect. I am being totally honest, I have physically changed A LOT since we first got together, I put on a few lbs, cut off my long blonde hair (it used to be down to my butt) and my complection is no longer flawles, so I feel threatened my any girl that commes along that reminds me of what I used to look like........

[Racing Rice]

If he really loves you then it shouldnt matter what you look like. If he uses that as an excuse.. Hes weak and lame..

he doesn't he said that it doesnt matter to him what I look like, But it matters to me.

[Racing Rice]

If your not happy with the way you look thats a different story..

what do you mean?

[Racing Rice]

Well, its one thing if some one doesnt like how you look anymore, thats out of your control and its completely up to the person who has lost interest to deccide whether or not they like the way someone looks.

But if your not happy with the way you look, you can do something about that. The problem is if your not happy with yourself then a lot of times, self confidence can drop, grumpyness can set in, etc. Which inturn could "turn the other person off a little" [for lack of a better term.] Im not saying that this is your case Im just using it as an example.

OH I C

The number one mistake anyone can do is try to change themself physically for someone else. If you are not happy with yourself there is no way anyone else can be, its one thing if you are not satisfied with yourself but changing who you are for someone else is total milarky.

Unless of course this person brings out a whole new side of you that is better than what was there before. Its only good if someone important in your life, brings out the best in you. You shouldnt have to do it to try to keep them.

Plus I am not too fond of the whole cheating thing myself. When someone cheats on someone else its because they are trying to fill a void that is missing in their life. Communication is everything, it can teach you an incredible amount you didn't know about someone else and it is also very good at bringing things together. Talk talk talk.. hope all goes well

I agree that communication is definetly key

I can understand where u are coming from with the self-conciousness. trust me, EVERY girl i've been around has been the same way about the same thing....when in actuality, it is NOTHING. long blonde hair, short blonde hair...it doesnt matter...they're both hot. and about the so called "added pounds" trust me, he probably doesnt notice. well, i never do anyway...
with the complection thing, that is a big deal to me with girls, cause honestly i am a big sucker for a pretty face, but it is probably much smaller of a problem than u are making out of it.
Dont worry, if hes going to cheat on you, then thats just the way he is and thats the person he is, regardless of a few inches of hair or a few extra pounds...TRUST ME.
I know people who have been there....including me.
If he cant appreciate who u are and the beauty that Im sure is still there, then he doesnt deserve you. go find someone who does.

Originally posted by DMC_SiR
I can understand where u are coming from with the self-conciousness. trust me, EVERY girl i've been around has been the same way about the same thing....when in actuality, it is NOTHING. long blonde hair, short blonde hair...it doesnt matter...they're both hot. and about the so called "added pounds" trust me, he probably doesnt notice. well, i never do anyway...
with the complection thing, that is a big deal to me with girls, cause honestly i am a big sucker for a pretty face, but it is probably much smaller of a problem than u are making out of it.
Dont worry, if hes going to cheat on you, then thats just the way he is and thats the person he is, regardless of a few inches of hair or a few extra pounds...TRUST ME.
I know people who have been there....including me.
If he cant appreciate who u are and the beauty that Im sure is still there, then he doesnt deserve you. go find someone who does.

Thank you so much tis was the honesty I needed to hear, i really appreciate it

[4jacks]

Originally posted by Racing Rice
If he really loves you then it shouldnt matter what you look like. If he uses that as an excuse.. Hes weak and lame..

I have to disagree w/ doctor RR on this one

If he really loves you he'll buy you a BowFLEX !!!! YEA BABY!!!

My wife wants one so BAD...


Anyway screw the guy, you should look good for you..

acutally my parents have one and a nordictrack eliptical that I use to work out 3 times a week

Just throw some fists at him.. that will get your heart rate up, you'll tone your muscles and you'll be relieveing stress.



Yeah right.. no one should ever resort to violence

Originally posted by FeelMyRide
Just throw some fists at him.. that will get your heart rate up, you'll tone your muscles and you'll be relieveing stress.



Yeah right.. no one should ever resort to violence

Damn yer a fiesty lil one aint ya!

i agree that a few pounds or a different hair style does not make a difference at all....especially after the relationship has had time to develop into more than a superficial attraction....i still feel tho that there has to still be a physical attraction between two people in order for it to work long term but the looks can be sacraficed a lil if the bond continues to grow stronger between those two people....ya start to look inside a person more as the relationship goes on and less outside....if its serious that is....if its not serious then its hard to rely on that....you are pretty much left with a physical attraction alone.

Fall in love with a blind man

Originally posted by FeelMyRide
Fall in love with a blind man

LMAO....but you still gotta worry about the sense of touch cause blind ppl see with their hands

Originally posted by OneDopeTeg


LMAO....but you still gotta worry about the sense of touch cause blind ppl see with their hands

Sweety listen.. the name of this post is "ok guys I need help.."
I'm simply tryin to help this girl out but you do bring out a valid point. Help me help her & I'll help you

Originally posted by FeelMyRide


Sweety listen.. the name of this post is "ok guys I need help.."
I'm simply tryin to help this girl out but you do bring out a valid point. Help me help her & I'll help you

Hmmm what help do I need? as far as the whole blind guy thing goes....i say go for a blind guy with no hands....then ya really dont have any worries

Originally posted by OneDopeTeg

i say go for a blind guy with no hands....then ya really dont have any worries

Then you have to give him a hand whenever he needs it

Originally posted by FeelMyRide


Then you have to give him a hand whenever he needs it

Yer on a roll tonight! maybe he would be good with his stumps....who knows....or maybe he could have a special prosthesis made for those "blind dates" gone bad

Here's what cheating is...Someone trying to get there sex life back to how it was before. He wants to have fun with sex, doing it with someone your not with is by far VERY fulfilling. Sex tips, consider this: I have been to theropy for not having sex in 2 weeks, it made me go crazy. =[ Anyways, sex is not always sex, it has to be fun. Kinky, yelling, cursing, slapping, choking, calling a girl names that they arent normally called (b*tch, sl*t, wh*re). All this stuff is very fun for men. If hes actually dating this girl on the side, taking her out, buying her stuff then maybe you need to think about why YOU are in this relationship. Are you getting what you need from it? If he cheats, although its very wrong and I am not making excuses for him or anyone that cheats, its because hes not getting what he wants and/or needs from the relationship anymore. Spice it up....Sorry for thinking like a man on my post but thats just what I think people cheat for. Not because they dont love the person they are with (although that could be the reason) but because they miss something that use to be there. Not all men are going to come out and say: I want you to do this.

[Racing Rice]

Originally posted by toykilla
....Sorry for thinking like a man on my post but thats just what I think people cheat for. Not because they dont love the person they are with (although that could be the reason) but because they miss something that use to be there. Not all men are going to come out and say: I want you to do this.

First of all... Your not thinking like a man. Because a Real man doesnt have to cheat on his woman. Most people cheat because they are addicted to sex and dont know how to say no. As for wanting some spice in the love life. Ill agree that something interesting and different is always a decent idea, between 2 people. A relationship is based on more then just sex. If its the sex thats making him cheat then he obvious doesnt really care that the other person.

A person cant honestly say "I love her, but I want to have sex with other people."

First of all the word love in that statement isnt true love, more like saying "I love something about her, but not enough to be commited to her."

First of all, I did cheat on my ex, but what she failed to tell you all are: I dated my ex for a total of 5 years. i am originally from Taiwan and that was where we met. For the first two years, I was in Taiwan. I moved here to the US and she stayed there. We did real good as far as the long distance relatioship goes, at least for the first two years. We saw each other once a year, for like two weeks. Things started to go wrong during the third year, we stopped calling each other and I met other girls.

As for when we argue. Examples that she has brought up are that I tell her that there's nothing between us anymore. When we first met. She held a full time job and when she had time, she came over and kept the house clean and did a lot of things that I approved off. Now that we live together, she rarely do house work, unless I make it a big issue. She has been real good about cleaning lately, but to me, the only reason she's doing it is because we get into fights about the house being a mess. And when things calm's down, she stops doing all that we have argued about.

She has not had a job for 3 to 4 month now and I really have no problem with that. I would rather she stay home, but I do believe that it is part of her obligation and priority to keep the house up while I am at work. But it doesn't happen that way. Most of the time, we have to get into serious arguments for her to even clean the house. I may seem anal about all this, but the point is, we are trying to sell the house and move to Tampa, but her priority is to go and work out and do what she wants to do and pick the house up when she's done with what she wants to do. I told her, if she keeps the house up and put things away after she uses it, it will only take her maybe 30 minutes a day in the morning to pick up around before her workout. People do come and see the house at any given time, I EXPECT for the house to be presentable when people come. Are my WRONG about this?

For the past week, I have been working 13 hours days because of the Daytona Beach Bike Week. I was suppose to get off at 6 on Monday, but it was so busy, I needed to stay behind. I lost track of time and called her at 6:30, but she blew up over it and slammed the phone down on me. Is that reasonable? Is it just my problem? How was I wrong at all, I was at work, making money for her, our daughter (not biologically), and me.

This girl that she is talking about. I was helping the customer and had no idea that she was as close to me as she claim she was. Well, anyways, we had a whole argument about something that I could not control. She said that the argument was about me laughing at what she told me. I don't see anything wrong with that. I told her that she's over reacting and don't worry about it and also don't worry about me, becasue I will not cheat on her.

Here is my daily routine. 8 get up for work. Get home at 6 and saty home with her and our daughter. I never go out unless to stret races on the weekends, but I am with her.........

Sorry for the long ass thread...my piece of mind.

Thanks

Ian

plug........www.lostprojects.com

[Racing Rice]

Glad to see you made it..

Its nice to have the whole story sometimes. I think this is really between you 2, and you both have to come to an understanding. Your not wrong about wanting to keep the house clean if shes not working. My fiancee and I have worked kinda the same arangements out. I pay all the bills and she keeps the house clean. Things workout pretty well like this.

Good luck. Hope both of you can work your issues out because I think you both really care for eachother. Try to have quality conversations to work things out an not get to heated, itll help a lot.

Racing Rice, thanks man. It is embarrassing bring up our problems on the board. But I had to defend myself in some way, since everyone is jumping all over me thinking that I am an ass****. It is somewhat impossible to talk to her, when we do talk, she sits there and says nothing. Don't know how to communicate with her. Everything we talk about, it seems that I am at fault. On Tuesday, we had the argument about the girl from my work. Well, anyways, she wanted to go and hang out with her friend at Chilli's, well, it's cool, but I asked her not to drink. She has epilepsy and sometimes when she drinks, she has really bad seizures. If I didn't care, I would have not said a thing. And what happens, she comes home drunk. And she has the guts to tell me that I am trying to control her.

What can I do.......

[Racing Rice]

Welcome to being a man, my friend...

Honestly tho. All you can do is keep trying. This sounds like its upto her. Im going to try to stay on nuetral ground here, because I dont like being the bad guy.

I both of you need to just sit down, and start a square1. And discuss everything. Likes and dislikes about eachother, without being nasty about it. This takes a little effort on both of your parts.

Neither one of you can change eachother. You can only change yourself. Life is a one man game, everything else are obsticles.

[ebpda9]

i think you two need to sit and talk out you differences.

Well let me reassure you that I am not using him for his money, and it is really wrong of you to assume that i am, did you consider the fact that I have a child that needs to be taken care of? I told him when I left my job that I would go out and find another job he told me that he didn't care if I did or not. ask before you accuse, its only polite.

Originally posted by ianhan
Racing Rice, thanks man. It is embarrassing bring up our problems on the board. But I had to defend myself in some way, since everyone is jumping all over me thinking that I am an ass****. It is somewhat impossible to talk to her, when we do talk, she sits there and says nothing. Don't know how to communicate with her. Everything we talk about, it seems that I am at fault. On Tuesday, we had the argument about the girl from my work. Well, anyways, she wanted to go and hang out with her friend at Chilli's, well, it's cool, but I asked her not to drink. She has epilepsy and sometimes when she drinks, she has really bad seizures. If I didn't care, I would have not said a thing. And what happens, she comes home drunk. And she has the guts to tell me that I am trying to control her.

What can I do.......

As for you.... You dont talk you yell, raise you voice or get just plain nasty. And if you are not trying to control me then y did you give me a big guilt trip before i left? saying that I was going to go out and have fun with out you? And dont make it seem like I drink all the time, i really only drink maybe every three months and not even alot when I do. We are going to have a long talk when you get home.