"Your an asshole" therapy

[VR4_Craver]

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need
to take it out on someone -- don't take it out on someone you know. Take
it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten
to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying,
"Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

He replied "Wrong number asshole" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed
the last two digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I
decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the
phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and I hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it
in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if
you're familiar with the caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a
parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the
spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had
been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the
black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several
weeks of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1. "Hello?" You're an
asshole!" (but I didn't hang up).

"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you? " he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Asshole, a yellow house with my black
BMW parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called asshole # 2: "Hello?" he said.

"Hello Asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are ..."

"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.

Now, I feel better ...

Masquerading as a normal person, day after day, is exhausting ...

[IALuder]

yes yes!!!!!!! i wanted to do something like that before. hahahahaha. that made my day.

[JDMFantasy2k]

Originally posted by VR4_Craver

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

holy shit, speed dial, that's bad....

not too sure if i believe the end of the story though, although i was pissing my pants when i read that you gave #1's number to #2 and vice versa, the thing with the cops, and then news, takes a little convincing. Amazing story though.

[GT40FIED]

Where did I read this story? It's been a long time, but I know I've read it before.

[ebpda9]

LMAO

Originally posted by GT40FIED
Where did I read this story? It's been a long time, but I know I've read it before.

Made the email rounds about a year and a half ago Steve.

[ChrisCantSkate]

and i think it was posted here before

*edit* http://www.hstuners.com/forums/showt...&threadid=6618

Well if that's the case ya gotta give him one of these:

REEEEEEPOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST

[FlooredAccord]

Brilliant, fucking Glorious!

[VR4_Craver]

Originally posted by SolPol
Well if that's the case ya gotta give him one of these:

REEEEEEPOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST

LMAO

[Rob]

Still funny as shit though...sounds like something I would do.....

That's funny...good stuff...bravo...bravo...

[drdingo21]

Repost bish!