Girl troubles here(looooooong)

So I'll come right out with it. I'm a Roman Catholic. Now I assume you are thinking, "what the hell does this have to do with girls?" Well, a lot. There was this girl I "knew" back in high school, we'll call her Melissa because well that's her real name. Anyway, I knew who she was, she was friends with a few of my friends, she was on journalism staff with me but I never talked to her the whole time I was there(two years because I transferred schools). Anyway, all during high school I had a crush on her but I never did anything about it. See, I'm the guy who is really quiet and shy so most people automatically think I'm a dick. She, of course, did. I thought se was stuck up because she never would talk to me. Big lack of communication there. Anyway, she went to Thailand after graduation for a Christian missionary trip and I went to San Jose State for school. Well, freshman year passed without a hitch and a whole lot of drunken memories when I learn my dad has taken quite ill with Parkinson's disease. So I decided to move back and go to a local college to be close to home. Then one day, BAM! There's Melissa. She's in my new school. About a month later and after countless hours of friends prodding me to talk to her, I did. Halloween night we all went to a military stronghold missile silo for a party and we ended up talking for a loooooooong time. 4 months pass which brings us to today. This whole time she has been pleading with me to denounce Catholocism because it is "wrong." I can't do that because I am deeply rooted in my faith. She did this the whole time we were together! Otherwise we were a GREAT couple. Out of, I counted, 6 g/f's since high school started, she was the only one who made me laugh/think/HAPPY. I thought I had found THE girl but as soon as she found out I wouldn't join her church, she dumps me! Was I just played for a fool??? I don't want to start a religious flame her because I believe in tolerance and I will not flame back but just some thoughts, ideas, condolences. I mean, IMO, I am a really good looking guy. I'm not at all conceited in the least but I don't want this to ruin my already low/absent self esteem. Please, someone comfort me! I feel like crap, I think I just might.....DRINK!! Ha, never thought of that. Well, reply away with past experiences etc. I just need a little comfort here folks.

Dude, I'm in a bit of a situation right now. Kinda busy, but I have some advice I would like to share with you. Will post it a little bit later!

[94_AcCoRd_EX]

Well, first of all, I'm no relationship expert, but... I think that if you two are to ever get along and make something of it, she should understand that you will have your differences, religion being a major one. What faith is she if you don't mind me asking? I really think she should accept you for who you are, even if you don't share the same religious beliefs. Otherwise, that will never work.

I have a lot to say about this... I hope I can properly organize my thoughts and explain them clearly.

I think there are actualy a couple different things going on from what I got out of reading your post...

First thing I will address is the more global picture of communication and compromise. I'll address the actual religion issue later. An immediate red flag is raised when I read how it's basically "her way or the highway"... and this is in the beginning stages of the relationship - imagine how controlling she may become as the relationship progresses. I can certainly respect that somebody has a deep devotion to their faith. No problems with that. But the fact that she is completely unwilling to allow you the option of worshipping in the way that you feel is appropriate for you - let alone sit down and discuss the differences to find a common ground of understanding - is very controlling and selfish. It's only going to get worse - trust me on this one. Sounds like she wants what she wants when she wants it. Not good.

Second, the actual religious aspect. If you truly believe that your religion supports the continued growth of your relationship with God and deep in your heart you would really prefer to not convert to another religion, don't. My opinion is this: God first, family second, all others follow. I would never compromise my religious morals and principles for the sake of someone else - no matter who they are or how much I think I like them. I am not one to go to church to simply go through the motions - and with the concern you share over this decision, I am guessing you are not either. You need to be wherever you feel best supports your spiritual growth. Don't sell yourself short on this one.

Sit down and talk it over with her. Let her know your concerns and see if there is any middle road for compromise. If she is not willing to do this, then she is very narrow minded and personally I wouldn't want to waste my time with her if I were you.

Just my opinion... hope it made sense. I wish you the best!

SpongeBob

[2000Pimpinex]

If the two of you were to make it work then she would have to respect your religion and not try to put her's on you. I think if she can't then she's not the right one. Try and talk to her some more and tell her how you feel about it. Good luck.

Originally posted by 2000Pimpinex
If the two of you were to make it work then she would have to respect your religion and not try to put her's on you. I think if she can't then she's not the right one. Try and talk to her some more and tell her how you feel about it. Good luck.

Amazing, you said exactly what I said but in so much less space *lol*

Thanks guys. SpongeBob, I had the same feelings on this. I thought, "well, if I tell her that I am not going to convert, everything will come out." Either she would respect it or get pissed. She did the latter. She is an evangelical Christian. Not really affiliated with a religion. I have always been deeply rooted in my faith and I have never felt pressure from anyone about my spiritual path. Her family, including her, pressured me soooo much. I couldn't go to their house without someone busting out a Bible and telling me why Catholics are wrong. I even witnessed her telling a Mormon he was going to hell. I have always stuck to my guns in the fact that she is very narrow minded and she always argues it to the death. Well, again, thank you guys very much for the help. It's good to know that people can care even without ever knowing someone.

dont change something that big for a girl. if you are deeply rooted with the faith dont change it. i dont have a reliogion. aethiest is the word i think, ive had girls want me to join their religion to be with them. just try to talk it out

geeser.....I have never actually been in this situation....but being a girl, I hope I can give you some feeling of hope about this. Growing up, the only time I would go to church would be when I visited my Grandmother who was also Roman Catholic. My parents never went to church nor did they want to....so I was basically raised beliving in God and knowing that he is a part of me wether or not I attended church. But recently, being courious I started attending a couple different churchs(Catholic and Christian), but I found that in the Christian Church I had a better feeling and connection with God. My point is that you never know about something unless you try.
Try talking with Melissa....tell her that you will go to church with her one sunday, if she attends one sunday at your church.....just to get an idea of where each of you is coming from.
The church you attend and the beliefs that you both have does not mean that you can't make this work....remember you have one thing in common.....God loves you both and if it was meant to be in his eyes all will work out. Good luck and keep us posted.....God bless!

I have been to church with her on MANY occasions. I even talked to an ex-Catholic that was a pastor at her church. In Catholocism, sorry about the whole religion thing here, we believe in tolerance-not trash talking damning of other religions. Her church sees differently. I had people from her church telling me all the reasons Catholocism is wrong. The way I always saw it with her was this, she doesn't have to study my Cathecism or join my religion if she doesn't want to. She can surely come to my church if she wants. There was just WAY to much pressure from her and her family. So after much thought I came out with my decision. I knew the next part of this story was inevitable based on my decision. She basically said it's my way or the highway. It, at that instant, seemed like all she wanted me for was to be a parishoner of her church. So, I take comfort in something SpongeBob said. She would have been reeeeeeeaaaalllly controlling in my life had this continued. I really wish I could have talked things out with her. She was the greatest I ever had. All I can say is, I tried. Thanks for all the help again guys.

[94_AcCoRd_EX]

Geeser, I think that this may have worked out for the best in the long run. You don't want to go about your life being controlled by your girl. I think that an important part of religion and life in general is being able to tolerate the beliefs of others, and she was not going to be able to do that.

Best of luck to you in the future.

Heres something to think about. My fiance is Catholic and we have been together for 3 years, have a house together, share the same check book among a billion other things and she has not once asked me to convert (i have never been to church or anything but my mom said i am Luthern whatever the hell that is). I mean why is it so important that you must do this to have her. I understand that my girl does some things that I dont understand (she goes to church and stuff) but i dont get on her case and she dont get on mine. Its a hard call but how can someone ask you to totally change what you beleive in and if you do change will you feel right about it and honestly beleive the change. Just food for thought.

Sorry I could not reply. Basically SpongeMaster - BobFastCar
said most of my key points. I was going to mention the religion aspect since I'm religious as well. And the controlling aspect.
But it was already said.
Again I'm REALLY sorry

I have nothing what so ever against the christian faith, but it's the members of any faith, be it christian, satanism, wicca, muslim, etc. that ruin it for me.
It's the moronic followers who think they know their God's mind and decide to judge other people and tell them what to believe. You are both christian, what's the problem if you choose to worship the same god in a different manner?
In my opinion, all religions of the world are the same, and they worship the same god, it's just that they all have different names for this god, and different means of worshipping.
Most religions teach the same basic principles and morals. I have studied religion quite a bit, and it doesn't matter whether you are a satanist, chrisitan, Wiccan, Muslim, Hindu, Jew or whatever else. They all have the same goals and aims, just different ways of worshipping. Satanists and Wiccan's perform "Magick", christians pray, it's all the same. Just talk to her and let her know, and if she's THAT closed minded, then you don't want to be with someone so ignorant. Relationships are all about compromise and if you can only be with her on her terms, then she's not worth it bro.
You'll find someone who's right for you

Actually Satanists and Wiccan's are more towards the devil(evil) (if you believe in him that is!)
Christians worship god (good)

There is a difference!

True satanists, despite what the name suggests, don't worship the christian devil. They call this being Satan, but this diety, also known as Baphomet is a god of pleasure.
Wiccan's worship nature and nature gods, and if you actually look at many pagan books, the first thing they usually say is that they don't worship the devil. And many Pagan/Wiccan rituals and beliefs are used by christians in their ceremonies. i.e. Father, Son, Holy Ghost.....Maid, Mother, Crone......Christmas is held on a very holy pagan day; Yule....Halloween, I'm sure you've heard all the stuff behind that. When one religion seeks to overcome another, it helps to use rituals and holidays that the people are already comfortable with, so as to ease the transition to the new religion.
My thing with many religions is that they hate those that aren't in their religion.......I have known some satanists who are more morally upright and better people than most christians I have met. It all comes down to the individual.........the various religions of the world are all the same though, just with different names for the same god.
Christians call their God
Satanists call theirs Satan
Wiccan/Pagans call theirs the God and/or Goddess
Muslims call theirs Allah, which means god(!)

Most christians I have met want to go out and have fun (do things they supposedly shouldn't, as christians be doing) Satanists go out and have fun and don't feel bad because their religion says that as long as you don't harm anyone, do what makes you happy....Wiccan/Pagans are a blending of both christians and others, but they believe that whatever you do comes back to you, so don't do anything you wouldn't want to have happen to you..................I can go on but this is getting long and probably boring.......and I'm sure you get the picture.
I'm not attacking anyone's views, just wanted to clear up some misinformation

Well I'm a Christian and I do things wrong. But you know what I'm not a Saint or God, I will always sin! Also I'm not perfect, some things I try to stop that are agaisnt my religion, some things I won't be able to! Also I don't force my opinions on anyone. As you said you met alot of Christians who force their views, it's the opposite for me. Basically it's like 50/50 for me!

That's cool, I get along with anyone of any religion as long as they don't try to force their views.
I don't really have any religious views other than my thought that pretty much all religions are the same, just called different names. I never try to force anything on anyone.

I guess if I had to have a religion, I'd be a Bootyist! What can I say, I worship booty!!!

love is not just about sacrifice but also about making comprmises, approach her with that, and if she cannot " Meet you 1/2 way" then it might not be what you are exactly looking for.

[4jacks]

Geezer,

I"m feel for you! and I hope you can get over this chick soon. I Kinda understand Where Mellissa is Coming from though, I'm a Christian, I consider myself Non-denominational, although I like the worship style of a presbyterian church and have belonged to one for many years. I also think Cathollics Do things a little bit Screwy ! I apologize for bashing, and I'm not trying to convert you. But this dates back to Martin Luther and the Prodestin (mispell) revolution. I DO NOT THINK You are going to hell !!! Catholics believe ***** ****** is the only root to heaven, and that is the ONLY thing that matters !!!! But other things they do, like pray to *****' mother Mary, and think She was Sinnless... I dont agree with and can't find in the Bible. That is why I think you guys operate a little funny. But your still saved and that's ok with me !

Just a note on Mormon's cuase you mentioned them, Mormon talk about *****, but do not believe that a faith in ***** is the only way to get into Heaven, Mormons believe that you have to perform good works in order to get to heaven... In heaven they think there are different levels of heaven, and the better you do on earth the better level you get into. I will bash Mormons a little here... that is not Christian... Not Christian means there not going to Heaven... Not to be mean, but's their only one Qualification, Do you have faith in ****** !

Ok .. Here's what I'm getting at... I think this girl, Really really liked you. I think her goal was to Convert you before she started a relationship with you. I think she just liked you SOO much that she just started the relationship, thinking she could convert you later. I think she had a deep down belief that "the family who prays together stays together!" and I believe that too. So knowing that you would not convert, Or that she was unable to do so, she did not want to have a permanent relationship with someone who had such different views in such a big aspect of her life as religion. I dont blame her, i wouldn't want that either, I love going to church w/ my wife and praying together.

But anyway you should also want the same thing in your life ! So this couldn't have been the gurl for you ! I also think she must have been under the impression that Catholics are a works based religion. Which to the best of my knowledge is false.

Well I wish you the best, and if you ever have any questions about whether or not the Catholic church is the right church for you , i think you should FULLY investigate all aspect of that, before making a desicion

Best of luck