.:HSTuners::::Hondas Wanted:: |
12-22-2004, 12:30 AM | #1 |
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Great read for those of us that workout (and those that should)...
Guest Atomic Dog
Merry Christmas, Bob by Chris Shugart Note: Since most of our readers are probably busy around this time of year, this issue and the next will be a little shorter than usual. Don't worry, though, there's still plenty of info here to keep you busy for a few hours. "So, what are you doing for a living these days?" Bob asked me. We're sitting on the couch at one of those tedious holiday get-togethers, you know, the ones where you're supposed to be nice to family members you never see except during major holidays and funerals. I think Bob is my wife's brother-in-law's second cousin or something. "I'm the assistant editor and a writer for Testosterone magazine," I say. Bob looks at me with a blank expression on his face, as if I'd just told him I sell handmade testicle warmers beside the freeway and was looking to open franchises across the nation. "It's a bodybuilding magazine," I say. Blank expression. Deer caught in the headlights. Ronnie Coleman doing trigonometry. "Oh," Bob finally says, "I heard you were, like, one of those bodybuilder guys or something. So, what's that like, you know, working out every day and stuff? I just don't have time to lift weights all day, but I have been meaning to get rid of this beer belly." He takes another sip of beer. "What do you suggest?" Sip. At first I was a little offended. I wanted to grab him up and say, "You can't tell I'm a bodybuilder?! Look at my ***! Now, if that's not a nice round squat-built piece of sirloin, I don't know what is! You think that comes naturally? I can crack walnuts with this puppy! Wanna see? Huh, punk? Do ya? Do ya?" Then I realize this just might cause a scene and could cost me several Christmas presents. I was planning on returning any presents I got and using the money to buy a power rack, so I didn't want to jeopardize this gift getting opportunity. I also realized that old Bob probably had a certain preconceived image of a bodybuilder and I just didn't fit that image. I'm not gorilla huge; I weigh about 205 at 5'11" right now. (When I first started lifting I was a pudgy 159, so that's not too shabby.) Also, I wasn't wearing clown pants, a fluorescent string tank top, a hanky on my head and one of those little fanny packs. And isn't that what real bodybuilders are supposed to wear? Bob continued to sit there drinking his Natural Light, smoking a cigarette and waiting for an answer, oblivious to the fact that he'd come this close to seeing some serious walnut- crunching *** power. I tried to figure out how I could explain to the average guy what the typical T-Man does and why he does it. How could I get him to understand what it is we do, how we feel, how we live? So I took a deep breath and told him something like this: "Well, Bob, I guess you could use the term bodybuilder if you really need a label for what it is we do. Most of us actually don't stand on stage and compete, though. We lift weights and manipulate our diets so that we'll look good naked. Sure, it's healthy too, and we'll probably live a longer and more productive life than the average guy, but mostly it's about the naked thing. Truthfully, it goes beyond even that. "Let's be honest here. We do it because of people like you, Bob. We look at you sitting there with your gut hanging over your belt and we watch you grunt and groan just getting out of a chair. Guys like you are our inspiration, Bob. You're better than Anthony Robbins, Bill Phillips, Deepak Chopra, and Zig **ing Ziglar all wrapped up into one. We love it when guys like you talk about not having time to exercise. Every time we see you munching on a bag of potato chips, you inspire us. You're my shot in the arm, Bob, my living and breathing wake-up call, my own personal success coach. "You want to know what it is we do? We overcome. We're too busy to train, too, but we overcome. We're too busy to prepare healthy meals and eat them five or six times a day, but we overcome. We can't always afford supplements, our genetics aren't perfect, and we don't always feel like going to the gym. Some of us used to be just like you, Bob, but guess what? We've overcome. "We like to watch 'normal' people like you tell us about how they can't get in shape. We smile and nod sympathetically like we feel your pain, but actually, we're thinking that you're a pathetic piece of that needs to grow a spine and join a gym. You smile sheepishly and say that you just can't stay motivated and just can't stand that feeling of being sore. (For some reason you think that admitting your weaknesses somehow justifies them.) We listen to you bitch and moan. We watch you look for the easy way out. Because of people like you, Bob, we never miss a workout. "You ask us for advice about diet and training and usually we politely offer some guidance, but deep inside we know you won't take our advice. You know that too. We smile and say, 'Hope that helps. Good luck,' but actually we're thinking, 'Boy, it would suck to be you.' We know that 99% of people won't listen to us. Once they hear that it takes hard work, sacrifice and discipline, they stop listening and tune us out. "We know they wanted us to say that building a great body is easy, but it just isn't. This did not take five minutes a day on a TorsoTrack. We did not get this way in 12 short weeks using a Bowflex and the Suzanne Somers' 'Get Skinny' diet. A good body does not cost five easy payments of $39.95. "We like it that while you're eating a candy bar and drinking Mountain Dew, we're sucking down a protein shake. You see, that makes it taste even better to us. While you're asleep we're either getting up early or staying up late, hitting the iron, pushing ourselves, learning, succeeding and failing and rising above the norm with every rep. Can you feel that, Bob? Can you relate? No? Good. This wouldn't be half as fun if you could. "We do it because we absolutely and totally get off on it. We do it because people like you, Bob, either can't or won't. We do it because what we do in the gym transfers over into the rest of our lives and changes us, physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually. We do it because it beats watching fishing and golf on TV. By the way, do you know what it's like to turn the head of a beautiful woman because of the way you're built? It feels good, Bob. Damned good. "When we're in the gym, we're in this indescribable euphoria zone. It's a feeling of being on, of being completely alive and aware. If you haven't been there, then it's like trying to describe color to a person who's been blind since birth. Within this haze of pleasure and pain, there's knowledge and power, self-discipline and self-reliance. If you do it long enough, Bob, there's even enlightenment. Sometimes, the answers to questions you didn't even know you had are sitting there on those rubber mats, wrapped up in a neat package of iron plates and bars. "Want to lose that beer belly, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the **ing beer. I'll tell you what, Bob. Christmas morning I'm getting up real early and hitting the iron. I want to watch my daughter open her presents and spend the whole day with her, so this is the only time I have to train. The gym will be closed, so I'm going out in my garage to workout. You be at my house at six in the morning, okay? I'll be glad to help you get started on a weight training program. It'll be colder than Hillary Clinton's coochie in there, so dress warm. "But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don't show up, don't bother asking me again. And don't you ever sit there and let me hear you bitch about your beer belly again. This is your chance, your big opportunity to break out of that rut. If you don't show up, Bob, you've learned a very important lesson about yourself, haven't you? You won't like that lesson. "You won't like that feeling in the pit of your stomach either or that taste in your mouth. It will taste worse than defeat, Bob. Defeat tastes pretty goddamned nasty, but what you'll be experiencing will be much worse. It will be the knowledge that you're weak, mentally and physically. What's worse is that you'll have accepted that feeling. The feeling will always be with you. In the happiest moments of your life, it'll be there, lying under the surface like a malignant tumor. Ignore it at your own peril, Bob. "Don't look at me like that either. This just may be the best Christmas present you'll get this year. Next Christmas, Bob, when I see you again, I'm going to be a little bigger, a little stronger, and a little leaner. What will you be? Will you still be making excuses? This is a gift, Bob, from me to you. I'm giving you the chance to look fate in those pretty eyes of hers and say, 'Step off, bitch. This is my party and you're not invited.' What do you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball's in your court." Okay, so maybe that's not the exact words I used with Bob, but you get the picture. Will Bob show up Monday? I don't know, but I kind of doubt it. In fact, Bob will probably take me off his Christmas card list. He probably thinks I've got "too much Testosterone," like that's a bad thing. I think Bob is just stuck in a rut, and as the saying goes, the only difference between a rut and a grave is depth. The way out of the rut is to make major changes in your life, most of which won't be too pleasant in the beginning. The opportunity to make those changes seldom comes as bluntly as I put it to Bob. Most of the time, that opportunity knocks very softly. What I did was basically give Bob a verbal slap in the face. You can react two ways to a slap. You can get angry at the person doing the slapping, or you can realize that he was just trying to get you to wake up and focus on what you really want and, more importantly, what it'll take to get it. If you're a regular T-mag reader, I doubt you need to be called out like Bob. But maybe you've caught yourself slacking a little here lately. Maybe you've missed a few workouts or maybe you started a little too early on the usual holiday feasting, like, say, back in September. Just remember that the time to start working on that summer body is now. The time to get rid of those bad habits that hold you back in the gym is now. You want to look totally different by next Christmas? Start now. This isn't because of the holidays or any corny New Year's resolutions either. The best time is always now. Christmas day I want you to enjoy being with your family and friends. I want you to open presents, sip a little eggnog and have a good meal. But if your regularily scheduled workout happens to fall on December 25th, what will you be doing at six o'clock that morning? That's what separates us from guys like Bob.
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12-22-2004, 02:21 AM | #2 | |
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Maine
Age: 37
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I honestly think I'd like to work out, I've always wanted my body to look a bit leaner and meaner but I wouldn't know where to start and the day after sore feels so amazingly good.. it's a good sore IMO.. A much different sore you get from drinking heavily the night before and waking up somewhere you don't remember walking to.. I had to help my dad deliver 3 skids of wood to a house he was working in once.. Each skid contains roughly.. 60 packs of wood, each pack weighing 53 lbs.. Sure it sucked and wasn't too fun with my puny arms but I loved the sore I had the day after.. Anyone have any advice for a youngin' looking to start working out? Should I join a gym and get a personal trainer or whatever? I always thought that was kind of expensive.. Any suggestions?
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12-22-2004, 02:45 AM | #3 |
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Yeah, I got plenty of suggestions. I assume you are a smaller guy (as I was/am) and as such have a body type that burns fat at an amazing rate (as I do). The first thing you must do is set a goal; why are you working out? Do you want to be stronger, bigger, look better, get huge, what? If you just want to gain 30 or 40 pounds of lean muscle, your path will be somewhat different than if you are looking to gain 10 pounds or 100 pounds. For this purpose, I'm gonna assume you want to gain 30 or so pounds of lean muscle. First thing you need to know is that this isn't gonna be easy and you won't see results overnight, but it will take 6 weeks for you to notice substantial improvement.
1. Join a gym 2. Hop on a stationary bike for 10 or so minutes and just watch the "regulars" and see what they do and how they use the equipment so you won't feel like a moron when you try it out for the first time 3. Take your time; use light weights your first day just to get a feel for the motions and perfect your form when lifting 4. Gradaully work the weights up each gym visit; plan to go at least 3 days a week, but no more than 5. Start with a light set, then a medium set, then finally a heavy set on each excercise. 5. If you burn fat effectively, eat EVERYTHING. If you can, get some whey protein and suck down a protein shake (I like mixing the vanilla protein with milk) after every workout, along with eating a lot Some good basic excercises you should startout with; 1. bench press... either use a machine or barbell if you can get a spotter 2. tricep pulldowns 3. bicep curls (make sure you dont cheat on these, do power curls while seated) 4. lat pulldowns (the one where you pull down on the bar) again, dont cheat... keep your body stationary 5. incline press 6. dumbell rows 7. shoulder shrugs 8. dips or reverse dips this should give you good definition and strength in your shoulders, chest and arms. The key to working out is isolating the muscles you are working; if you are simply throwing your body into it and just moving weight around, you aren't doing jack. let me know if you need any more tips. ps- surprisingly enough, Triple H's book "Making the Game- Triple H's Guide to a Better Body" is actually a really good read if you are serious about it, and it is on sale at walmart.com for $16...
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12-22-2004, 05:26 AM | #4 |
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that was a very good read!! I must admit i've been doing a little slacking here and there. Thanks Highlander!
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12-22-2004, 01:48 PM | #5 |
La Loba Loca
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Nor Cal
Posts: 1,016
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I just stick to my Bowflex program that came with the machine. Seems to work pretty good when I use it though. I can definately see a cut when I do and yeah, it's a good sore afterwards too. Anyone else get the endorphine (?) rush afterwards too?
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12-22-2004, 11:59 PM | #6 |
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Location: Winnipeg, MB
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good read....just eat good foods..and run...ull lose lots of weight running...going for muscle....weights...easy as pieee lol
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12-23-2004, 12:06 AM | #7 |
Mind Blowing
Join Date: Oct 2001
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Age: 44
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Very good read man. very good post.
I work out 5 times a week...i try to work out religiously. If you have any questions..just ask. I can help also. I've put on quite a bit of muscle and weight, and I will keep doing it. Working out to me is like a drug. It's amazing.
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