how soon is too soon ?

[ebpda9]

I know it's been a while since i last posted here, but since August i have been dating this new girl i met at work. She came here with an excahnge visa from romania and she was supposed to go back on october 1st, but she decided to change her status to a student visa. long story short, she got denied the visa, and she had to leave 2 weeks ago to reapply, but she got denied again. So right now my only chance of bringing her here is marriage. She seemed really different from everything that i have met before, and i really do think i love her a lot. We kinda talked about marriage this comming summer, but none of us is sure that that marriage is the right thing to do. I am affraid that if we get married and it does not work i will regret this all my life, and if i don't and we split our ways right now we might wonder what it would have been.

[thermal]

Originally Posted by ebpda9

...... She seemed really different from everything that i have met before, and i really do think i love her a lot. We kinda talked about marriage this comming summer, but none of us is sure that that marriage is the right thing to do. I am affraid that if we get married and it does not work i will regret this all my life, and if i don't and we split our ways right now we might wonder what it would have been.

Bro, I went through this kind of shit not too long ago myself... It actually ended on the month you met your girl-August. My ex-girl had a worker visa and I tried convincing her to marry me before her worker visa had expired.

The thing is, if you think she is now different.... that should be a "tickler" to make you lean towards "giving it more time". Some guys would even end it right there and then. But since you think that you do love her, then give it time bro.

Trust me when I say this:
I understand your situation regarding immigration status. With your strong feelings for her, your judgement may be getting impaired. Dont get me wrong... I am not questioning your feelings for her.... I am merely saying that she may not be feeling that same intensity towards you... and that is an advantage for her.

Bottom line bro:
If it is meant to be... then it will happen....
My suggestion is to observe her behavior even more now. It is impossible to measure dedication and trust, especially if you love the person. If she is willing to make more sacrifices than you or at least just as much as you would in this relationship, then she is worthy of this marriage that you are talking about.

[ebpda9]

i do not think she is different from what she was before she left to romania. i just said she is different from everything that i have met in my life before. Also, my status right now will not allow me to bring her over heresince i am not an american citizen, and she knows this. While she was here, and before we learned about her visa denial she was actually the one pushing me to spend as much time together as we could, and do a lot of things together. She was also the one that actually took the time to yell at me for spending out of control, or make me go to a doc for my smoker's cough. The only thing both of us are affraid of is that we think that time will estrange us a bit since we are so many miles apart, and both of us are going to be busy with school for the next 6 months.

I do really appreciate the advice i am getting, and i am not trying to make any excuses on her part.

[thermal]

Dude... then I do NOT see any problem. (good thing I have not voted on the poll yet). Sure it will take some serious effort... but if you two just appreciate each others effort... then that should be enough to keep the relationship going....

Communication is the key. Even with a busy schedule, I'm sure a 30 second pause to text each other will be available.

I'm on the same boat bro. My girl is in the Philippines right now. She is a full time student.... and you know how my Navy life is... lots of sea time. Even with that, we always find a way to communicate every single day, whether via email, chat, or texting.... She even does this "miscall" thing to remind me that she is thinking of me. Basically enough ring tones that will not charge their phone. We have this system that if she calls and allows it to ring more than 3 times, it meant that I need to find a way to call her asap. But if the phone only rang once or twice, then it was just a reminder that she was thinking of me. Then there are sites out there that will allow FREE texting via your PC: Yahoo and Chikka are some.

... lastly, get that citizenship done bro! I'll be taking a 20 day vacation to the Philippines next month to spend time with my girl.. and get engaged. If things go well, since I am already a citizen, she should be here by July-August time frame..... we will get married then.....

[ebpda9]

we communicate every single day. I even went out and bought a webcam and a microphone just to be in touch. right now i wake about 30 minutes earlier so we can talk, and she will wait till midnight her time to to talk and see eachother again after i get off work.

I miss her so much.

[IALuder]

im not sure what to say. no personal experience with this situation. if you really want go for it. never regret anything you ever do.

[ohiochica]

stefan,
WTF is taking so long with your citzenship? you started that crap when i first met ya. UGH!
Honestly from what i know of ya, i dont think you will be happy with an "american" girl. My friends questioned me on you when we first met and i honestly told them exactly what i just told you. (uh oh hope that came out the way i intended it)
I say let things ride thier way out, and do what you have to do to accomplish your goals.

[ChrisCantSkate]

i made the other choice about 3-4 months ago, although it was just with a girl who i'd been with for 3 months or so, she went home for the summer, and found out she wouldnt have the money to come back and live. i really wanted to ask her to move in, but didnt want to get in over my head with someone who would now be living with me insead of just sleeping in my bed. we tried to stay close through texting, calls, web shit, etc but the truth was after about a month we stoped talking every day, then we stoped talking every week, now i havnt talked to her in since mid-oct when she came to visit her friends and i. i cant help thinking how my life would be now with her from time to time. even almost everyone i know said i seemed happier and in a better place mentally than i have been in years, even if they didnt know i was with her.

damnit now im thinkin about it

well, do what you feel in your gut. i didnt and trusted my brain and now its just weird talking to her. she was like my twin.

[ohiochica]

stefan, what did you decide? i will be in cleveland sometime soon, do we need to grab coffee?
ttyl...........becky

[ebpda9]

she said yes on new year's . now we just need to plan, but i guess we will wait for her to finish her school this summer and we'll plan from that moment forward.

Let me know when you are in Cleveland. I am stuck at work from 8-5 m-f and in the afternoon 5 to whenever Th, F, Sat.

[Racing Rice]

My girlfriend and I did the long distance thing for almost a year (Jersey isn't aslong as Romania, but whatever.) I don't know if anyone is 100% ready for marriage regardless of time you spent together. The only thing that I can tell you is to follow your heart, if you both feel the same way and are both committed to the idea then go for it. Marriage isn't an easy thing, so be willing to make sacrifices.

Hope all works out for you man!

[ohiochica]

OMG u actually asked her????????????? WTF were you thinking!?!?! LOL, just teasing ya, glad your happy.

just a side question, how the hell is she going to get over here if she cant get a visa? or are you thinking of moving back to romania?

[ebpda9]

i did not really ask her directly, but we talked a lot about it and on new years she said yes, i'll do it. i know we have been toghether for a very short time, but both of us are willing to do this to give this relationship a chance.

ohh, and today we looked for wedding bands and engagement rings. i can say that i am very happy with the way things are headed for now.

Becky, my citizenship interview was yesterday, so i will be awaiting a letter from USCIS in the mail shortly to go for the oath of allegiance.

[Racing Rice]

Good luck on becoming a legal FES.. lol

[ohiochica]

congrats hon

[ebpda9]

well i just received the letter for my oath ceremony on february 1st. what can i say, i am a yankee now (not officially)

[ohiochica]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww hon congrats! this has been a long haul for you. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Racing Rice]

Congrats man!!! Thats got to be a relief getting that done and over with!

[ebpda9]

yeah, it is. now i should be able to vote against hillary or obama :lol:

[Racing Rice]

lol.. Good call.

[GT40FIED]

Actually Stefan, if you really want to act like an American you won't be voting at all. This time around everyone seems exceedingly worthless.

As for the thing with your girl...do we really need more Romanians in this country (or anywhere for that matter)? But alas, ethnic intolerances aside () I'd say to see how it goes with things long distance...at least for a little while. If you've got the desire to keep up things up with the hell that is a long distance relationship then you've definitely got the desire to keep it up in person.

[ohiochica]

OMG ............I cant believe you said that!

[GT40FIED]

Hahaha. The silly foreign kid knows I'm just fuckin' with him.

[ebpda9]

well now it's official. the wedding date is set for August 08

[ohiochica]

ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STEFAN GETTING MARRIED..........OMFG!!!!!!!!!

Congrats!

[Racing Rice]

Congrats man.. Good luck with the wedding shits.

Hey off topic.. If you go to Romanian any time soon. Nab me some AK parts. I need some spare parts for my Romanian AK.

[susu]

Good luck! Catch the love.