Drama

I really need some advice. :( Here's the deal:

I was with a guy all in highschool (we graduated last year).. but about 5 months ago he tells me he got a girl that hates me pregnant. So he dumped me to be with her. The whole time he's still talkin' to me and tellin me how much he misses me, blah blah blah. I still love him even though I know that's highly retarded.

*Fast fwd to now* I'm pregnant, even though my doctor said it's like a slim chance in hell, I took the test today and I am. I moved away from him to get away from that whole situation a while ago, to kind of move on with my life.. and now I don't know what to do. I mean, I know it's his since he's the only person I have been with, but I don't know if I should tell him or not. I'm afraid he will think I'm lying or just deny that it's his.... and I can't take that. Then again I don't wanna do all this crap alone.

And my parents... ugh. Let's just say my dad never wanted me to date at all, and just wanted me to get married to someone. When I did start dating him & my dad found out he kicked me out but eventually let me come back. So if I tell them I'm pregnant.. and not married. Omg.

I haven't really told anyone yet, So what do you folks think I should do? I feel like I'm losing my minnnnnddd.

Whew. First of all, don't lose your mind; that would only make things worse. Aside from that, I think it's the right thing to tell the dude, but it's also the right thing if he's a loser to tell him you don't want him involved.

Oh, and was it an over-the-counter test? Take it again or have a doctor check - those things aren't always right. That's my strategy for tough problems - denial and procrastination.

my cousin was in the almost same situation. all kinds of problems came out of it because she didnt tell the dad she was pregnant. well time passed after she had the baby and obviously he found out. now theyre in court fighting over custody. he wants to be part of his daughters life and she wants him nowhere near the baby. dont go down that road!! tell him now and maybe things between u and him would improve? kids always change things....it might not be as bad as u think. and as far as ur parents, they need to know like asap. family will always be there for you. if it turns out that u need help later on whether its financial, emotional, or otherwise....theyre going to be the ones to help. i know ur freaked, but honesty is gonna be the best way to go about this. i hope everything goes ok for you!!!!!

FWIW..

First off, its not "crap" but your baby's life your talking about. I have 3 kids that my wife and me love to death, and for me to see someone say its "crap" offends me. Having a baby for some is the most beautiful and meaningful thing that can happen to them, I know it was for us.

Secondly, you need to ask yourself are you ready to have kids. For some reason I dont get the impression that you are. Hopefully this isnt the case.

About the father. I'm gonna be blunt here, he seems like an irresponsible womanizer. In other words a player and not father material in any respect. Unless he's willing to make some serious life style changes and take some ownership in this whole situation, I dont think he's worth it... then again who am I to say that.

Sorry if I have offended anyone or come across as being harsh person. It just hurts a little knowing that a small child may be caught up in all of this.. again sorry.

[nonovurbizniz]

I think by "crap" she was reffereing to the hassle envolved in being a 1 parent and 2 going through the child birthing/pregnancy... as a father I'd imagine you would understand how CRAPPY that stuff can be...

I got my fiance un-expectadly pregnant as well... dif. situation seeing how marriage was in the plan anyway...

but I don't know what to tell you... honesty and straight forwardness is always the best course of action in situations like this... if your father can't deal... well that's his problem and you have bigger things to think about... (what importsonly said is true you'd be amazed how much a child changes things for parents)

As far as the father... forget it he sounds like a loser and even if he isn't he's already got that other girl GUARANTEED to be in your life for the rest of his life... if you're with him.

It's tough and all but I'm sure you'll make it through fine.... buck up little camper.

Mushroom - yeah, it was an over the counter kind. I have a doctors appointment in about a week. I have to go anyway because 1 they said I would most likely never get pregnant, but if I do I need to see a doctor asap because it's most likely that there will be a lot of complications with everything.

As far as wanting the father to be in the childs life, I never said that I didn't want him to.. I just don't think that he would want to. I'm sure that he could care less, but I don't really know. But in any case, I'm going to talk to him about all this after I go to the doctor.

And yeah, nonovurbizniz is right talking about the crappy part. I'm not callin the child crap, just the sitation is a tad bit shitty. I can honestly say I'm not looking forward to being pregnant or having a kid right now in my life. But will those views change later down the road? Yeah, maybe.

Thanks...for lettin' me vent

[TeriyakiBroccoli]

christ.. good luck with it all.. ....

I think you're keeping a pretty good head about this. How far along do you think you are? Within the first month or are you further than that?

A friend of mine got unexpectedly pregnant. She's raising her daughter herself but with her mother's help, I don't believe the father was too interested. She thinks of her daughter as the best mistake she ever made. Maybe you'll see things differently later.

Assuming you actually are pregnant, your parents will find out sooner or later. If it were me I'd be more upset at finding out later than sooner....but that's just me.

Oh, and both doctors and store-bought tests give incorrect results. The doctor told my mom she wasn't pregnant with me and my mom had taken no test.....she knew. Took the doc a couple of months to figure it out....then again, that was a few years ago.

Good luck with everything and just keep a level head with it all. I believe that things tend to work out in the end....

b

You may not want my advice cause im a bit "young" and all. But if i were you I would at least tell your father, and the child's father that you are pregnant. I wouldent even think about marrying the child's father
1) because he seems like somewhat of a player
2) You should never let a child be the reason for marriage.

I dont even really know if you were considering marrying the child's father but that is just my useless .02 cents take it or leave it

Gosh girl....this is crazy to hear. Alot has been happening in my life too.

I honestly think that you should tell this guy, whether he wants to be there or not, he should at least have knowledge. (plus, you might need/want some child support later.)

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH on the 'telling the dad' thing. My dad is a psycho about that stuff & he'd KILL me too! I don't know what I'd do, it would be the hardest decision to make in my life!!!!!

I'm totally with you on that one! In fact, tell me how you handled it! I'll need to know someday in the future I'm sure.

You have my good wishes!!!!!!!

First I'd like to say keep ur head up. I've been down a similar road w/ my ex and yeah like others said don't get married just because ur pregnant. Marrige should happen because of love and mutual respect. It's going to be tough no matter what u decide , but follow ur heart- if ur not ready ur not ready...But if u have the child love it with all ur heart. My relationship w/ my ex is crap but I love my son more than anything on this earth and that is the most important thing in raising a child. Don't worry bout wut ur parents , friends and child's father say - This is ur descision and the only way to make a wrong choice is not to listen to your own heart. Please try and be happy and not stress too much everything will work for the best ....
Much love

After going to the doctor ovvver and ovvvver - it's been suggested that I terminate for health reasons. I dunno if I will, but probably so. They said that the baby probably won't survive and the more I let it grow, the more pain it will be in because of all these reasons and I risks of me dying just get higher the further along I go with the pregnancy. Ugh. It's just really complex, but yeah. I haven't told any of my friends, my ex, or my parents and I don't think I ever will.

But thanks to everyone for being helpful & supportive.

sorry i missed this whole thread and I don't know if you have had this situation resolved already or not...but no matter what you have to tell the father of the baby, because it's not anyone's choice except his to whether or not he participates in this kids life. your parents should definately be first or shortly after the father of the child....they will be the ones there for you now and further on down the road. They can't make the choices for you, but they may be the greatest influence on anything like this. They will keep everything in check throughout life and will be the ones you'll end up turning to in those bad times for advice, money, or just good ol' support. And.....i really don't know if this would be the best thing for your life right now...your not to excited and your already questioning everything about it. If you can't commit to this baby 100% at this time in life there's no reason in having it and putting it through difficult times along with yourself and family. but through anything take care and listen to your heart...this is something that will change you for the rest of your life, whether you have it or not Moral: sleep safe and don't let it come to this in the future.....

Girlracer or Quinn whatever....she didn't ask for what has been happenin in your life?...there's a problem if you think about child support right away....and this quote?
"In fact, tell me how you handled it! I'll need to know someday in the future I'm sure."
i'm glad you walk around thinking about getting pregnant and plan on going through this process early on in life. This says a lot about you as an individual.

[mylittlecivic]

That happened with my friend her body and her baby's body were killing each other, they had to take the baby early it lived for like a week the tiniest thing ive ever seen

that image would haunt me, I think.

[mylittlecivic]

btw maikoshi congrats on turning 19

keep us posted on what you decide and all

Sorry, I haven't been around for a while. Anyways today I started to bleed so I went into the dr's office aaaand he told me that the fetus had died. It was just too weak to develop properly and things like that, so I got some nitrus and they took it out.

As for...
zm_dawg telling me to use protection - we did, actually. Not so much for the kid factor, but because I know I'm not the only person he is with.

my little civic - Yeah, that's pretty much what was happening here. The more the baby developed, the sicker I got and the worse it got... blah. And thanks about the birthday thing.

And as for telling my parents and the father of the baby, I told you what would happen. I told my exbf and he thought I was just doing it for attention and hung up on me, and when I told my parents they just called me a whore & stuff. So much for being there for me, right? Right. I think sometimes people give themselves the best advice, next time maybe I will listen to me.

Well nobody ever knows your situation as well as you do, but sometimes people don't see their own situation clearly either. Decisions aren't always easy and all advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt. When I was a kid I thought growing up was the shiznit.....little did I know. I'd rather be a kid again.

Sorry to hear about all the bad things, I hope you're doing ok now. Just keep your chin up and hopefully things will go well for you in the future.

b

Yeah.. I didn't mean to say that people didn't give me good advice, I guess they just didn't get what I was sayin' about my parents/ex.

maikoshi- in no way did i intend to come of ass a 8===D , in no way will i tell you how to lead your life much less sexually. I more wanted to hit on the father part this and that...cause for the most part i grew up w/o my father around and i just wanted to get that part out. I'm sorry to hear the outcome, but at least you knew ahead of time the odds of you both coming through safely. I hope your getting better....and i'm sure you along with people that read the thread have learned from you experience

[GT40FIED]

That's quite a sticky situation. The high school I went to was nothing but kids who got kicked out of regular school (like me) and teenage mothers. It seems a sad comentary on our society that the father rarely ever sticks around if marriage isn't in the picture. So I'm suire you're better off without a guy who was having sex with you and another chick at the same time. He's probably not a keeper. In whichever way you choose to view the loss of the fetus, you have my condolences. I know that can be taken in many different forms...a nightmare, a mixed blessing (depending on your view of the situation), etc. Just stay resiliant and you'll he fine. And if you're parents call you a whore, tell them to **** off then hire a contract killer to off your ex. Then all the loose ends are tied up.

Ha, well actually the rest of my family found out about the situation through my dad, who was trying to make them like disown me or something. The rest of the family actually disowned THEM for being dumbasses to me. I dunno, asians all the time disowning people and shit.

As for my ex, his girlfriend found out and dumped him. *shrugs* I'm not talkin' to any of them, just doin my own thing to get the hell awaaaay from everybody here.

^^^ thats the spirit... i guess