words of wisdom

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

19. Your friends and family love you anyway.

20. Never buy wallpaper if you have just smoked marijuana.

21. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

22. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

23. And finally... Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

24. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

25. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

26. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

the waiter thing is so dam true

[ChrisCantSkate]

Originally posted by mt.biker
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

18. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

20. Never buy wallpaper if you have just smoked marijuana.

21. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

25. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

my favs. and the waiter thing is true! i usta be a waiter. you cant tell me some of these assholes are nice people.

Originally posted by mt.biker
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

18. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

25. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

26. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

the waiter thing is so dam true

LMAO omg...#25 if my favorite! And the waiter thing is true. IF you look at the quotes in our agenda it's one of them (it has some good ones too! )

[pdiggitydogg]

many good bits of advice right there

Originally posted by mt.biker

25. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

26. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

hehehe.....yeah

[Rob]

Originally posted by mt.biker
22. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Amen to that.........

Definitely the waiter thing. People are so sh!ty to food workers.

[94_AcCoRd_EX]

LMAO those are great

those were good .. especially these

20. Never buy wallpaper if you have just smoked marijuana.

21. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

[a96710]

lol...good stuff

[ebpda9]

lol great stuff

[ShEaNy]

good advice...