Guy Friends

Ok gals, it's gettin dead over here so how bout this:

Any of you gals who live alone, or hell...still live at home I guess, have your guy friends spend the night? No bad stuff involved (if you wanna call it bad...hehe) just they come over, crawl in bed w/you, curl up w/you and sleep, then get up & leave?

Reason I ask is b/c I have MANY of my guy friends stay, 1 at a time, (lol!) & my mom just FREAKS over this. I don't see the big deal here, figured maybe it was a generational gap...er maybe it's just me.

What about you girls?

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Might be part generational gap but then again it might not be. I would never think about having my guy friends come over get into my bed, cuddle with me, and sleep together (not having sex as stated above) whether I lived in an apt or still at home. If I'm in that need of cuddling with someone, I better find a bf quick! My guy friends mean way too much to me to go adding "weirdening" factors to the friendship. I can't say that I'd look down upon another girl for doing this....it's her choice to make....I just wouldn't do it myself. Eventually I think it would hurt both parties involved.


I'll pose a question to the girls that do this...Keep in mind this might be a long shot, but it could potentially happen....what if all your guy friends that you do this with all end up gettin girlfriends? Would you stop this behavior with them? or would you find new guys to do this with?

Well I live with my mom(dad passed away last spring). And I recently tested this too. Ive been dating this guy for 3 weeks and he has a 40 minute drive back to base and he was really tired so I made him stay. I put him in my bed because my mom gets up early and I didnt want her freaking if she saw him there. I slept on the sofa. Well..she was ok until he wasnt around..then she flipped out on me. Its not so much she cared he was here, she was pissed cause its "HER" house and she doesnt like people sleeping over. I still get treated like a baby, but shes right..it is her house and she still calls the shots. It's ok cause Im prolly moving to Hawaii after this summer w/him. ha!

Kelly~

Just they come over, crawl in bed w/you, curl up w/you and sleep...
I don't think its right to sleep together with a friend when you get all close like you said curl up together...no matter how long you have known each other.If you don't care or have feelings for another why do you need to be all curled up to them...sounds like ya need a teddy bear or your just simply lonelySleeping in the same bed and keeping distance is cool.Guys sleep in the same bed with another guy if they have to and so I don't see a problem with people sharing a bed together.But I only see that its right if you are single, your not all close together (cuddling) and you just don't call a friend over and say do you want to spend the night knowing they will sleep in your bed with you.I mean its understood your out late one night and you have only one blanket to share with your bud and so you have to get close if its not a huge blanket but if you meaningly do it just because then I don't see its right, but hey thats just me.Your mom freaks...if I had a daughter and she did the same and see lived under my household then hell ya I would freak too.

Some of them have g/fs, I'm sure the g/fs dont know. I dunno? It's just never seemed strange to me for some reason?

And there's NO weirdness, we all still go out and hang out constantly.

being a guy I figure it would just send the wrong message. These guy friends of yours who have gf's and are doing this aren't doing the right thing. The ones that are single may start to want to become more then "guy friends" and figure you feel the same way because you invite them to spend the night

Basically what I'm trying to say is by doing this you are increasing the chance for a miscommunication on something that could result in lossing a friend or breaking up a relationship that they have.

NOT too mention this isn't typically something alot of girls do. That said it isnt' the reason to do or not to do something. And though nothing is happening it does send out a strange message. If a guy becomes interested in you but knows you have "friends" sleep over, as a guy he doesnt know how to take this. Basically he doesn't know what type of girl you are, because actions speak louder then words. If you're trying to maintain an image that you dont sleep around then having guy friends stay with you probably isn't the best thing.

And if you're filling a void by having these friends stay with you, maybe you want a relationship more then you think. just my 2cents as a guy.

did all that make sense?

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by mt.biker
Basically what I'm trying to say is by doing this you are increasing the chance for a miscommunication on something that could result in lossing a friend or breaking up a relationship that they have.

I agree with Rob (for once) on this one. I wouldn't want to send mixed signals to the guy knowing that I had no intention of becoming anything more than just friends with him. Also, if I were the girlfriend of the guy I might get a little jealous and hurt, not because he has girls that are friends, but because he was spending the night with them and cuddling with them when he has me to do that with! Although, I guess I don't see much harm in a guy friend sleeping over, possible in the same bed, as long as there was no cuddling going on. If they're just friends, then it would just be like having one of your girl friends stay over, just a different gender.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by mt.biker
being a guy I figure it would just send the wrong message. These guy friends of yours who have gf's and are doing this aren't doing the right thing. The ones that are single may start to want to become more then "guy friends" and figure you feel the same way because you invite them to spend the night

Basically what I'm trying to say is by doing this you are increasing the chance for a miscommunication on something that could result in lossing a friend or breaking up a relationship that they have.

NOT too mention this isn't typically something alot of girls do. That said it isnt' the reason to do or not to do something. And though nothing is happening it does send out a strange message. If a guy becomes interested in you but knows you have "friends" sleep over, as a guy he doesnt know how to take this. Basically he doesn't know what type of girl you are, because actions speak louder then words. If you're trying to maintain an image that you dont sleep around then having guy friends stay with you probably isn't the best thing.

And if you're filling a void by having these friends stay with you, maybe you want a relationship more then you think. just my 2cents as a guy.

did all that make sense?

made perfect sense Rob. and I completely agree with everything you said.

What Rob said.

b

Ya, in a normal situation, I agree too.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by GirlRacer
Ya, in a normal situation, I agree too.

so apparently you aren't in a "normal" situation with any of your guy friends? or just not in a "normal" situation with the ones you have cuddling sleepover time with?

No, & it's hard to explain...I've just known these guys for years & years & years.

I don't think any of them, including myself does it b/c "O, I'm so lonely, O you are too? Ok, well come over here & we'll keep each other company."

It more happens when 1 of them is in Tulsa, (none live here) & they're out at all hours of the night & don't really feel like driving home. So then rather than sleeping on my couch, they sleep w/me.

Does that help?

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by GirlRacer
No, & it's hard to explain...I've just known these guys for years & years & years.

I don't think any of them, including myself does it b/c "O, I'm so lonely, O you are too? Ok, well come over here & we'll keep each other company."

It more happens when 1 of them is in Tulsa, (none live here) & they're out at all hours of the night & don't really feel like driving home. So then rather than sleeping on my couch, they sleep w/me.

Does that help?

I understand, nor am I judging you for what you choose to do....but I just don't understand where the cuddling comes into play. I don't have a problem sleeping in the same bed as my guy friends....but I wouldn't cuddle with them. Especially if I knew they had girlfriends. I guess it's a respect thing (for our friendship and the guy's girlfriend). I dunno. Guess I'm "old-fashioned" and fall in with your mom on that generational gap thing.

just out curiosity....how are we defining cuddling here?

Cuddling:Holding each other close, to lie close and snug, and in an "affectionate" manner.
Is it just me or do we just all agree that if your just friends with someone who cares if they have a girlfriend...cuddling is left for your special person that you share intimate or special feelings for...like a bf, husband,...etc., etc. NOT a friend.Its not right mentally to be so close to someone when you are just friends...something is wrong if two people are just friends and they feel comfortable being so close and cuddly.
I don't see how you have a friend and knowing he has a gf you can share a bed with him on purpose and feel comfortable about it!!!I see the guys have a feeling that they can pretty much do whatever but why cuddle I still don't get that whole thing...no feelings...why cuddle...maybe our definitions are different but look up the meaning in the dictionary

ok, that'd be my definition. And about respect for the male friends & their g/fs...I have respect for them, but none for the g/fs cuz I hate girls.

(No offense to you Honda girls! W/the exception of 1, you all seem alright.)

You Said:I hate girls.
Please don't go through life hating all girls, because you don't know all of them.Some of the girls out there are better friends than guys sometimes.I have more guy friends but thats not because I hate girls, its just I have lots of interests most girls aren't into plus some girls can have some major attitudes.
Just don't hate someone before even getting to know them...thats all I have to say.

If you cuddle even with your friends, whats left to do with your bf or gf then? Seems to be crossing relationship lines...

agreed...yeah whats the difference with what you do with your friends and your bf...

sex vs. no sex

No no no...Ok well ..lemme backtrack into real life again...if my bf was cuddling with some chick...Id be pissed. There are boundaries. Sounds to me like its a mix of immaturity and disrepect. I am taking it those girls that are the gf's of the boys you are cuddling with dont know because if they did they'd probably come kick your ass.

GirlRacer..honestly..it sounds like you are craving for the attention. You know you are pretty, but yet you seem like you need to know that every guy that you know likes you.

So if you are just friends with these boys you are cuddling with...do you cuddle with your girl friends when they sleep over??

And dont knock on girls either. Girls always need girl friends...if you dont you have some problems or should I say you will have problems because girls just have a way about bonding with eachother. I personally cant stand men..ha! lol

Kelly~

I do have to be the center of attention.

And I don't know if the gals know or not, nor do I care. I don't really think they'd even try to kick my butt. Most of them are scared of me.

AND I'm not knocking girls. I do have 1 girl friend that I would do anything for & that would do anything for me. We are so close that we say "I love you" when we get off the phone w/one another. I couldn't make it w/out her.

[Rob]

Quin, if I didn't know any better I would have some mixed feelings about what type of person you really are...........

Well I should hope that by talking to me, you don't think badly of me.

I'm all for the "showing of miscommunication". If a good friend of mine, no matter how could invited me to sleep in her bed instead of her couch after awhile you'd assume something.

Its easy to lead a guy on, because once you blur the lines of friendship and possible relationship the guy takes the ladder of the two. Logically what guy wouldn't want a relationship with a good girl friend.

Sex can't possibly define a relationship to me, because sex is so unimportant and quite a few times can mean absolutely nothing.

Think of it this way, if you came over and I said sleep over. I lead you to my bed and said "Com'n in" or if I throw you a blanket and said "You want my bed or the couch, either way I'll take the other" which would sound more like a friendship.

Thats just my guy opinion.

I think the likelihood of a girl taking sex as meaning "absolutely nothing" is far far far lower than the likelihood of a guy feeling the same way. Girls aren't usually into meaningless sex....at least not the girls I've known.

I wouldn't necessarily say that cuddling is reserved only for relationships. I personally wouldn't think anything of it to see two girls cuddle. I think girls are a lot more physical with their friendships than are guys, and I could easily see a girl having a bad day and a girlfriend cuddling her for comfort, at least. Equally I can see a mother or father cuddling a child. I can see people cuddling with their dogs and even cats if the cat will stick around long enough.

There becomes a point where a friend is more than a friend but still not someone you're in a "relationship" with, although technically you are in a relationship with the person. As far as guys with g/f's, I'd say that's a respect thing. But I've had girl friends who I'd cuddle with if they wanted and think of it as no more than a close friendship. If she had a b/f or me a g/f I wouldn't do it out of respect for the significant other, though.

b

Originally posted by spoogenet
Girls aren't usually into meaningless sex....at least not the girls I've known.

first we need to define meaningless, then we can better understand what you're talking about. By meaningless you mean no feeling, then I would say there is a growing group of females that have sex just for the fun of it. If shes having sex for other reason as in for control of a relationship or to get what she wants and there is still no "feelings" for the guy then its not meaningless in her eyes, now is it?

[Whiteclipse99]

Originally posted by GirlRacer
ok, that'd be my definition. And about respect for the male friends & their g/fs...I have respect for them, but none for the g/fs cuz I hate girls.

I'm not the biggest fan of other girls either, but out of respect for your guy friends you should still respect their girlfriends regardless. And besides there is no bond for girls like the bond you have with your girlfriends!

Originally posted by mt.biker
first we need to define meaningless, then we can better understand what you're talking about. By meaningless you mean no feeling, then I would say there is a growing group of females that have sex just for the fun of it. If shes having sex for other reason as in for control of a relationship or to get what she wants and there is still no "feelings" for the guy then its not meaningless in her eyes, now is it?

Allow me to clarify. What I was saying was more along the lines of "feelingless." I don't know many girls who'll just have sex with a guy, such as a friend with benefits, if she's not interested in more such as a relationship with him. I have noticed that there seems to be a trend for more girls to have sex for fun, but really there's a far larger group of guys who'll do it than girls.

I've also had some female friends exclaim that sometimes girls will appear to be just having sex for fun but they really see it as more than that. How guys interpret the matter vs. how girls interpret the matter can vary a lot.

b

Originally posted by spoogenet
I don't know many girls who'll just have sex with a guy, such as a friend with benefits, if she's not interested in more such as a relationship with him.

B where do you live again? cause I need to get away from these dirty girls. Girls around here are getting into the "F U C K FRIENDS" and I've noticed it alot of other places too. It seems to be the thing to do lately, because no one wants to invest in a relationship. Whats even more alarming are these girls who keep it secret and let you get close... ya watch out for them

I side with Chris Rock. A guy friend to a girl is like a gold dick behind a glass case.

in case of emergency, break open glass.

I totally understand where you mom is coming from.

If I had a daughter, and her guy friend was spending the night, he would not be sleeping in her bed. If it was a bf, then that would be different.

Maybe it's just me, but having different guys come over, and cuddle in my bed, and sleep with me, just isn't my thing. Maybe if it's always the same guy, or like two different guy friends...but if it's like 4 or 5 different guy friends you cuddle with, that's just not cool...especially if they had girlfriends. I mean...come on...respect the guy's girlfriend.

It doesn't matter if you guys are doing anything or not. If a guy has a girlfriend, he shouldn't be cuddling up with any other girls, especially while spending the night.

It's also hard to believe nothing happens, even simple making out.

I have a really good guy friend, and I'm always spending the night at his place. I spend the night, cuddle with him, and sleep in his bed...and to be honest- it's not very innocent, actually...it's not innocent at all. But he's the only one I ever spend the night with. It's not like I have 5 guy friends and rotate them around or anything.

Lauren, true that... then again no female is innocent

It is hard to believe, but facts be known, nothing happens.

And by the way, did I mention I live alone? It's not like I'd have my friends come into the house that my mother pays for & stay w/me.

I just think its funny that it bothers her about what I do in my own personal household.

Oh...ok...I was under the impression you lived with her since she was making it her business.

I can see why she's bothered by it, she's just looking out for you. But yeah, it is your business.

Why does she even know about it?

hehe, ya, she knowz cuz she calls my cell all the time to talk to me & sometimes my friend Drew grabs the phone before I can lunge for it. (haha) And he says Hello??? She says "Is this Drew again?"

haha....just the way it goes, plus, we're pretty open, I talk to her bout lots of stuff.

does your mom know most of your friends that crash at your place?

could it be that she worries cuz she doesnt know some of the people that stay with you?