The Jokes thread:

[thermal]

TOP IDIOTS OF 2002
Number One Idiot of 2002

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
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Number Two Idiot of 2002

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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Number Three Idiot of 2002

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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Number four Idiot of 2002

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
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Number Five Idiot of 2002

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot Number Six of 2002

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Idiot Number Seven of 2002

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
PlexiGlass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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Idiot Number Eight of 2002

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.

Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.

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Seagull:
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde. The brunette say's in a disgusted voice, "Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper. "After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead say's, "what's so funny?"
The blonde say's, "Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"


Artificial Insemination:
Arriving for her artificial insemination, Mrs. Aldiss was surprised when the attendant locked the door behind them and began taking off his clothes. "And just what do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "Sorry," said the young man, "but we're all out of the bottled stuff. I've got to give you draft."

Newly wed:
On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.
"Oh, oh, aaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "my picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are
married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, oh, my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "so I can get it enlarged!"

Free Sex:
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay.
"Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier.
"Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied. "Nope! Sorry play again".
So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was really ticked: "This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to have free sex!" He screamed. "Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times last week alone!"

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[ebpda9]

LMAO, the idiots of 2002 2-8 i've seen on tv, but the first one takes tha cake

[mylittlecivic]

lol ive heard some of those funnny

[pdiggitydogg]

LOL
why do i feel bad that 2 of the dumbest people are from michigan?!
Actually...I remember the 2nd one being on the news

[thermal]

ha ha ha

Are those idiots ones true though? some sound so dumb that you'd think it's fake.

[thermal]

i dont know if they are fake...

[ChrisCantSkate]

Originally posted by thermalfi'd16
TOP IDIOTS OF 2002

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

i could see that happening to me