bored, long post

[Wren57]

To those who actually read all this, thanks... I'm posting more because I'm bored off my ass because everyone left here (college) to go home for easter (I leave tomorrow). What would YOU do if YOU were in my situation? I'll try my BEST to be brief...

1) Went out w/ amazing girl last 2 years of HS... I can say those were the best days of my life (so far, at least)
2) Went to separate colleges: agreed to not date
3) We told each other every night on the phone we loved each other
4) 2 months into college (and after she and I had "cordial visits" to each other), I find out she made out w/ 3 guys and had been lying abt it for over a mont
5) I forgive her, am bitter, give her another chance
6) My bitterness ocassionally gets the better of me
7) Find out she likes this guy- coincidentally she goes on a 12hour car trip with him...
8) She and I hookup more after this 12hr trip... I later learn she made out with him (and lied abt it to me again)... so im VERY bitter now
9) Haven't forgiven her, agreed to be just friends, although I still care a lot about her
10) My bitterness still gets the better of me
11) Last time she visited me she didn't want to hookup w/ me bc she is trying to move on (keep in mind she often hints at me visiting her and/or spending the summer with her)
12) She has a crush on some guy at her college and "wouldnt mind hooking up" with him, not even dating...
13) I've been increasingly bitter/jealous about this and kinda psycho asking her where she is sometimes so I know she hasn't done anything... yet
14) I asked her to visit me on my bday- id pay plane ticket
15) She said she won't because "its not a good idea", and gave me reasons of wanting to stay w/ her friends, study for her exams, and itd be easier to get over me that way
16) I pissed her off by saying I might talk to her dad abt her substance problems
17) I told her I would write her off if she didn't come to my bday, and she said she wouldnt, so I've written her off... I havent talked to her in like 4 days...
18) I am VERY worried, in knowing her, that if I piss her off she will just go get on this guy, and then I know I would never be able to want to get back with her, but right now I do... I would LOVE to spend the summer with her, but not if she gets on this guy, and not the way we arent talking now...

I love spending time with her; I LOVE this girl... when I am with her, the ENTIRE world fades away, and I do every damn thing in my power to make her happy, and she does the same. She and I have accomplished some near-impossible feats together... I'm so pissed/angry/bitter we are at different colleges, because if we weren't, we would literally OWN the campus. Her parents won't let her come here, and she goes to Eckerd College (hippie/surferboy school), and I'm studying to be an upstanding business man, so that wouldn't work.

I skipped some things for brevity's sake...

Question: Should I call her and bother making things right, or just move on? I know we would still be awesome together, but since we are so far apart, is it worth it? My thinking right now is this; I won't call her or anything. My bday is May 7th. I figure, if she calls me then, then we can make things right. If she doesn't call me on my bday, then I can justify completely writing her off to myself... your thoughts?


ps- Thanks for reading all my boredom-generated rambling.

[GT40FIED]

Alright dude...here's my take. As long as the two of you are apart this will never work. You seem to have major trust issues with her as well (which seem to be well founded) which may also make it difficult to patch things up even if you weren't seperated. From experience I can honestly say that the bitterness you're feeling now will continue to haunt you should you actively pursue a way to work it out. It will make it hard to trust her and without trust you've got a shitty foundation for a relationship. Factor in her "substance" problem...whatever "substance" that is...and you've got an even MORE volatile mixture. It's hard to say how this one will turn out. She's your "highschool sweetheart" so to speak so it's not like it's the easiest thing to cut your losses and say fuck it. Then again given everything you wrote it sounds like you've already made up your mind in a sense. I'd let her cool off...maybe a few weeks or even a month. If she doesn't call you then maybe give her a non chalant call and see what's been going on. If she did, in fact, nail the above mentioned guy then cut it loose. If not, you can begin to consider whether or not this relationship is worth salvaging or if doing so is even possible.

I think the best answer is also one you most likely will not taken knowingly or on your own terms. It'll probably come on its own and with the help of others.

At this point you should just put this past yourself. You can't just forget about this girl as our brains are not capable of just erasing memory, but you have to see that you made the choice already, you're just here to figure out why you made it. I know I'm using Matrix terminology but I think it applies well to life. All in all things are inevitable and all things that have a beginning have an end. Whether it takes a short time to get there or a long time is a different path for a different person. So if things die down between you and her and you dont' ever see each other, as much as you would want to reverse things and as much as it might scar you, things happened for a reason. Unfortunately I can't take my own medicine as a remedy for my problems as I'll go into denial just like you might, since denial is just a state of mind which allows for a possibility of improvement, no matter how small the probability is, but a small chance is better than nothing. So all I can say is let things take care of themselves. If she calls, talk to her, ask her where she wants to stand once and for all. Make her choose, maybe not then and there but in the next day or two. If she leaves you, unfortunately it had to happen that way. You either a.) find a much better person in the future or b.) somehow she might come back into your path in the future. Either way at that point it's more or less beyond your control. So just ask and then go on from there.

I'd say its pretty simple this girl was good to you when you could keep tabs on you. She has alot of maturing to do and after you being her only real bf shes is going to want to experiment.

She's using you for emotionally secruity right now. When she left you and went to school she didnt want to lose the only man that loved her like you did. Now though shes thinking she'll be as happy with the guys in college that are willing to hook up with her.

I'd say for your sake I'd put some serious distance between the two of you. You'll find out in time how she really feels about you. My guess is she'll be coming crawling back, but who wants used goods? Your actions define the person you are. The both of you need to do alot of growing. neither of what you is doing is right and both of you are foolish to think your highschool love with win over all the things you have going against you.

Save your heart for a girl who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and move on. Best of luck with this bro.

Move on. Perhaps something can be made of it later, but seriously, there's a world of people out there for each of you to meet.

If the two of you are really in love, you'd both do anything to stay together and distance wouldn't keep you apart. Sounds to me like the relationship is off-balance to begin with. But that doesn't mean there is no future for the two of you together, but I would say there is no immediate future. College, to many people, is about learning, experiencing, experimenting, broadening your horizons. Don't let yourself be too tied down to her such that it hurts your own growth. Look out for yourself first and foremost.

Rob, there's a difference between used goods and damaged goods. There's nothing wrong with used goods. Used and abused, yeah. Damaged, yeah. But there are plenty of used goods in better condition than new goods.

b