Thread for those with time on their hands

[Wren57]

Well, I'd like to share something with the people that have been following my ex situation with me. She called me and came crawling back Sunday night, saying she was sorry for what she'd done and she was hopeful for the two of us in the future... yeah right. Last night, I come to find out she has fucked this guy a few times down there, and to top it off, she expects me to not make a big deal out of it. Now, for your boredom reading pleasure, our emails. Please someone tell me if I stepped out of line anywhere, as I can't see a single place that I did:

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Subj: a different perspective
Date: 4/27/2004 5:24:07 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Wren57
To: ex




I wish you would understand things from my perspective a bit better so you can understand how I feel. We didn't talk for 3 weeks because I pissed you off with an email, and you pissed me off because you won't come for my birthday. I had an awesome three weeks, I was getting happier every day and progressing forward a lot in everything. Then you call me, and I figure we can at least have good discussions. You start being all nice on the phone, getting nostalgic, talking of us being together again, hinting at seeing me over the summer, etc. So, naturally, I begin to think you have an interest in dating me, and although I'm not really interested in dating/seeing you, it does get my hopes up a bit. This continues for a while until tonight when I find out you've been sleeping with Naren. It really doesn't come as a surprise, as I know you pretty well and guessed you were doing it anyways, so whatever. What gets me is that you have the nerve to call me and flirt with me while you are having sex with someone else. Why even bother? I absolutely refuse to be your backup plan. I am sorry if you aren't getting the emotional support you need from Naren, but I simply can NOT be your emotional support b/f while he fucks you. I am a guy, I think like a guy, and I have feelings as a guy/person. Despite what you said, you are playing me. You have a new sex/love? interest there, so why bother hinting at having one with me? I will not be the person you call to complain about things to, I will not be the person to always support you no matter what; my love is NOT unconditional. I will not be played and treated as second-best so you can have the best of both worlds; it simply doesn't work like that. I'm not typing this to be mean or to say I don't want to talk to you, but what I am saying is that I don't appreciate the way you talk about wanting me and leading me on while you have sex with another guy. I'm also not saying all of this to criticize you in any way, merely to let my feelings out. To me, sex is a BIG deal; it obviously isn't to you. If you want to have sex with him, that is fine with me; I've honestly lost all desire to rekindle anything we had in the past... at least for a while. Although you may not believe I am honest when I say this, but I am glad you are getting what you wanted; sex with Naren. My opinion is that I think you DO want a relationship, and that you feel empty because you are having sex, but no emotional side to it, which is why I think you called me. I'm sorry, but I can not have you lead me on and say you want to get back together with me while at the same time you have sex with someone else. How does that make sense at all? I have a great life here and am meeting some awesome people; I don't want to lose you completely as a friend. When I was asking what you have done, it was because I am interested in what you've been doing, not because I want to criticize you. Like I said, do heroin and gangbang 50 guys... you've hurt me so much with things like this in the past that I'm dull to it now. You are obviously doing your thing there, and I am going to do my thing here. Please do not try to re-enter my life if all you are going to do is use me for emotional support, because while I may be supporting you emotionally, you are crushing me emotionally. That's all I can think of to say right now... goodbye.

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Subj: Re: a different perspective
Date: 4/27/2004 7:28:51 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: ex
To: Wren57


im sorry i called and wasted your time, i see now that even that was a mistake to you as is everythign i do. you obviously have no idea how i'm feeling right now, but oh well. i see now that it's obviously too late for any good to come from us talking or beign friends. have fun with your life, just please dont be hypocritical.... for all you konw you coudl have slept with heather. hypocrisy is a terrible thing to buy into time and time again as an excuse to push me away. i truly am sorry for wasting your time with that phone call the other night. that really was a mistake on my part and a lapse in judgement. dotn worry, i wont bother you again. i'm sorry. 'bye.

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Subj: Re: a different perspective
Date: 4/27/2004 11:40:31 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Wren57
To: ex




Once again you take an honest email where I express my feelings as on oppurtunity to tell me I am stupid and don't understand you or your feelings. If I don't understand, why don't you share them with me so I DO understand? I'm being completely honest and open about my feelings with you, and there is no reason you can't return it. And no, I talked to Heather and we did not have sex... and despite oppurtunities I've had lately, I don't plan on having sex until I am in a relationship with someone, because I'm simply not like that. I don't care if you had sex with Naren or if you are going to continue having sex with him, I just think you need to realize that I can not be here to support you emotionally when you are having sex with someone else. I will not be the emotional side of your relationship while he is the physical side... that is what girls and gay guys are for. I'm certainly not asking you to choose, because I know you wouldn't choose me, but I am asking you to realize you can't flirt with me and fuck him. Please try to put yourself in my shoes, or reverse the situation. If I were having sex with Heather, and you weren't with Naren, would you REALLY want me to call and start flirting with you on the phone? Would you want to be used as an emotional crutch because I was being physically satisfied but not emotionally satisfied? Would you really want me to call you only when I had nothing better to do or when I needed someone to help me get through something? Think about it, please. Once again, I'm not asking you to choose, and I don't care that you are having sex with him; I still don't mind talking to you as friends, just don't say things like "I wish we were together" or "I wish you were here" when you are off fucking some random guy you aren't dating, because that is the definition of playing someone, and I'm done with games.


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I haven't heard back from her on this one yet. I'd like to make my intentions clear to everyone here; I do NOT want to get back together with her, nor do I want to talk to her often. I would, however, like to keep in contact so that after college bullshit we can talk and see if there is anything there then, when we have a chance to be together. I am also somewhat of a control-freak at times and where there is a situation where I know I am correct/right, I don't like giving in or quitting, its just not in my nature. Anyways, I'd just like to know if anyone thought I stepped out of line anywhere with the things I said...

Well, what I think is that you've made yourself clear with what you've wanted and what you didn't want. That's good. You did not step out of line at all...you just told her what was really goin on...good stuff Wren. Good job. Keep it up and don't fall.

[GT40FIED]

What the fuck kind of name is Naren? If she's willing to bang a guy with a fucked up name like that, you're better off without her.

[Rob]

Originally posted by GT40FIED
What the fuck kind of name is Naren? If she's willing to bang a guy with a fucked up name like that, you're better off without her.

Dude....you're a f@cking poet!

[GT40FIED]

Originally posted by AccordinStyle
Dude....you're a f@cking poet!

Ya like that? Just skip the entire point of the post and come outta left field. Booyah grandma....booyah.

[Wren57]

Well my name is Wren... wanna start shit?

[GT40FIED]

Maybe she's got a fetish for guys with weird names. Hell...at least the word "wren" actually means something.

Wren, though I think you made your point very clear to us something tells me she will over look some of these points you bring up.

Also there is a difference between your first and second email that would lead me to believe you are now having doubts about how strongly you came off in the first one. I woudlnt back down on this one and I would also recomend that if you want to contiue this conversation further with her one of you have the balls to call the other. Putting a relationship in the hands of email is a very bad idea.

I'd be asking her a few questions if she still wants you back. Like when did you realize this? when was the last time you slept with Naren? Why did you sleep with him? etc etc. Pry into their relationsip in hopes of better understanding where she is really coming from. That is of course if you care and want to make something of you relationship.

On the flip side: She might have really screwed up and realized she needs you in her life.

My advice...

all this back and forth does little good in trying to fix a relationship that is doomed to fail with actions like this. Email convo's are bad, ex's who sleep with guys like naren are bad and emotionally this isnt good for either of you.

at this point I'd be asking myself. If I dont sleep with anyone before I get back together with her, will I be able to deal with the fact she's done guy(s) I dont know about? If she was willing to tell me all the details would I want to know?

The truth of it is, you shouldnt be ok with behaviour like this. Its not very lady like and doesnt lead me to think she'd make much of a wife (if thats what you're looking for). My guess, is in the first 5 years of being married she will cheat many times on her husband who is faithful. Though she might not know it, it sounds like she has a bit of a wild side to her; she just had to get away from home to open up.

Take this like a man and be strong. Break all contact and live your own lives bro.

[Wren57]

You, Rob... are awesome. Thanks for the good advice, I'll take it to heart. I would, however, like to hear some more ladies' opinions/thoughts on this one... I need all the support I can get right now so I don't screw up and give in (again).

Originally posted by highlander
You, Rob... are awesome. Thanks for the good advice, I'll take it to heart. I would, however, like to hear some more ladies' opinions/thoughts on this one... I need all the support I can get right now so I don't screw up and give in (again).

Wren, thank you for those kind words. I think deep down in your heart you know what needs to be done, and nothing anyone ever tells you on here will be able to make you do anything but think.

What you need to do is take sometime for yourself and figure out exactly what it is you want. My guess as a start is it would be someone with similar values as you, something which this ex no longer seems to be displaying. Make it easy on yourself, her actions recently speak louder then her words. If she truly cared for you she wouldnt have slept with him and she would have tried to make things work like it sounds like you've been trying to do. Remember it is easier for a girl to go without sex then a guy. No matter what a girl says women just dont lust as strongly as us guys do. Remember that.

Dont dwell on the wonderful past you had, that is now come and gone. Focus on the future and whats best for you right now but whatever you do stay true to yourself. Giving in to her will now open you up to a future filled with similar troubles like this. Women are horrible when it comes to knowing what they want, just watch them shop. Dont become a victom of her shopping.

Best of luck bro.

I honestly feel that if she really cared for you and if she really had, in her mind, that she wanted you back...she wouldn't have slept with that Naren guy...