Meeting Good People

I hope this is an appropriate question to post in here... if not, cut me some slack...the forum is new and I'm still learning the ropes.

Okay, so on to my question:
I am currently single - I broke up with my last gf around 6 months ago (we had only been dating for around a year). My question is this: What are some good ways you all have found to meet quality people ... I am not into the bar scene (as far as ways to meet people).... I wouldn't date any of my friends' friends (if that makes sense).

What are some good ways that you have found?

SpongeBob.

[Racing Rice]

I know this sounds really dumb, but dont try....

Heres why..

Most of the time when you try, you tend to try to hard. Which can sometimes lead to a bad first impression or worse. Im telling you. This best way to find someone is just go on with your life and it will come to you when you least expect it.

[ebpda9]

yahoo personals, www.date.com, www.friendfinder.com

Originally posted by Racing Rice
I know this sounds really dumb, but dont try....

Heres why..

Most of the time when you try, you tend to try to hard. Which can sometimes lead to a bad first impression or worse. Im telling you. This best way to find someone is just go on with your life and it will come to you when you least expect it.

You know, this isn't the first time I have heard this. And I do believe there's some truth to it. It is just hard at times - especially when you want it to happen so baddly *sigh* It kind of goes along with the saying 'hurry up and wait'...

Thanks for the input!
SB

[Racing Rice]

Course theres also the other saying.. "Good things come to those who wait"

[4jacks]

RR is right, you have to try your best not to try! That's the way it was with me, before I met my wife, I never had a relationship that lasted over a month. So I'm finally like "Screw Women!" and really set myself to working two jobs and going to school, and just getting my life together, trying to get a jump start. Then I met my wife and she screwed all my plans up =) Now I'm just working One job, and im' skippin classes to watch a movie with her. And i know you heard this one before too, and dont believe it .... but it just hits you .... and you know.


Best O luck

Just like when you were in school - go for the extracurriculars. Co-ed sports leagues, music groups, a (non-compsci) class at the local community college. Good chance to meet someone who's not a friend of a friend, but has similar interests.

[ebpda9]

good thinking mushroom

[Racing Rice]

Originally posted by 4jacks
RR is right, you have to try your best not to try! That's the way it was with me, before I met my wife, I never had a relationship that lasted over a month. So I'm finally like "Screw Women!" and really set myself to working two jobs and going to school, and just getting my life together, trying to get a jump start. Then I met my wife and she screwed all my plans up =) Now I'm just working One job, and im' skippin classes to watch a movie with her. And i know you heard this one before too, and dont believe it .... but it just hits you .... and you know.


Best O luck

Thats exactly what Im talking about.

[2000Pimpinex]

Good things happen to those who wait. Go on with your normal life. Have fun and it will happen. It takes time so don't expect to meet the women of your dreams tomorrow, unless your a lucky mofo.

Being that I usually average 2 years between gf's, I am used to waiting. Just don't pay attention to the time it takes or to trying to get someone. The downtime won't seem as long if you keep busy and you could end up meeting someone through those extra activities!
For about 4 months after my ex and I broke up, I was out looking for chicks, I had several dates but they were all lame. I even took one date to that Honda meetup/show at Cerritos Acura! Hey, it was at her request. Then I just kinda sat back and chilled. All along I was telling my friends no matter what happened I was gonna hook up with someone, anyone on New Years Eve so I wouldn't feel like a dork at the stroke of midnight. Well, day before New Year's Eve, I just kinda had a moment of clarity and realized it doesn't matter, so when my friend asked me my plan of attack for the evening, I just said (more typically of me) it doesn't matter if I meet anyone, I don't care if I do, I just wanna have a good time and enjoy hanging out with my friends. Well, it turns out I was gettin' my game on with this one hottie, and my friend got pissed cause I was talking to her so he decided to ruin things but then I happened to talk to some chick sitting by herself and I've been seeing her since that night.
I doubt I'll ever be bf/gf with her, but at least I found someone to hang with, and I wasn't even planning/expecting to!

Originally posted by SpongeBobFastCar



You know, this isn't the first time I have heard this. And I do believe there's some truth to it. It is just hard at times - especially when you want it to happen so baddly *sigh* It kind of goes along with the saying 'hurry up and wait'...

Thanks for the input!
SB

Hey at least you dated before. I never dated. How do you think I feel?

Originally posted by juvenile



Hey at least you dated before. I never dated. How do you think I feel?

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. Don't feel bad juvenile - it's not all it's cracked up to be either... can be quite akward at times. I've had some doozy dates, let me tell ya! lol... Your time will come, believe me...!

Thanks again all,
SpongeBob

awwwwwwww I feel for you, but the best advice I can give you is: Drown your self in your hobbies, work, keep so busy that you barley have time to look up, spend extra time with your family and friends, do things for you and then when you finally take the time to look up she will be right there in front of you, trust me I know.

The biggest plus to being single is that you don't have to spend any money on another person! That means you can spend that otherwise wasted money on your car, instead of a girlfriend/boyfriend!
That's the #1 reason I have done what I have to my car, because I never have a girlfriend! My last relationship lasted 9 months and I had bought a fuel computer for my car right before the relationship started, and during those whole 9 months, I didn't do a single thing to my car. As soon as we broke up, I slapped some rims and cam gears on!
So there are definitely plusses to not dating or going out with someone!

You think I have money?

[2000Pimpinex]

Originally posted by Incubus
The biggest plus to being single is that you don't have to spend any money on another person! That means you can spend that otherwise wasted money on your car, instead of a girlfriend/boyfriend!
That's the #1 reason I have done what I have to my car, because I never have a girlfriend! My last relationship lasted 9 months and I had bought a fuel computer for my car right before the relationship started, and during those whole 9 months, I didn't do a single thing to my car. As soon as we broke up, I slapped some rims and cam gears on!
So there are definitely plusses to not dating or going out with someone!

I found that I spend more money now that I'm single. Whats up with that? I buy just about everything. Video games, motorcycle, computer, stuff for car. Damn, I need a gf bad.

Yeah but at least with all the money you spend being single, you have something to show for it! If you spend all that money on a gf, what do you have to show for it?!
All the money I spend on my last gf is gone, seeming a waste of money now that it's over, but with my car or computer or anything else for me, I still have it no matter what!
I'm not selfish, but those are definite perks of being single, unless you can find a chick that doesn't want you to buy her anything or pay for anything........that's what I need, I sugar mamma!

what Incubus is saying is soooo true! I use to have a lot of money when I was single and then when I had a girfriend (my wife now) I barely had any money to mod my car. Slowly but surely it all came back to me. She finally graduated and started working and started to buy a lot of things for my car. I would go into a shop and say......"Oh, I need that." She would say "Here you go hun." Thank god she does not know how much money I make . Anyway, enjoy your single life. You are probably thinking with your small head vice your big head in terms of a relationship. I think you know what I mean. In due time, the right one will come along and knowing us stupid men, we will not even realize it.

Exactly! I figure I'm going to *supposedly* spend the rest of my life in marital bliss (misery) with someone, so I might as well enjoy my single life while I can!
Call me a loner or a die hard bachelor, I just can't help it!

The chick I'm seeing (was) just ended things last night because she was tired of waiting around for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. This is the second time she did that.
The wierd thing is, I really do like her, but I just can't bring myself to ask her to be my girlfriend. I'm not afraid of committment, I just can't bring myself to have a girlfriend right now.

She's really really cool, has her own car and condo (never had a girlfriend with either) and she's actually making something of herself by going to college. She's also really smart, which kinda causes problems because she has like genius level IQ and she tries to out smart me but since she's female it'll never work! lol

Oh well, what do you peeps think I should do? Ask her to be my gf or just leave things as they are and be friends?

[Racing Rice]

Well, only you know if shes right for you, but from the sounds of it she sounds pretty decent.

Becareful you dont miss out on a good thing..

That's what I'm worried about but I don't know. I guess I'm just not 100% attracted to her. But at the same time I am. Oh well....I'll figure something out

[Racing Rice]

What dont you like about her? Thats the first thing to figure out, then weigh that with what you do like about her. See which out weighs which, to make sure your not being petty about something.

I know how it feels about comparing IQ's. I am just an engineer while she on the other hand is a linguist. Sometimes I feel incompetent around her. The main thing is that we love each other and I failed to realize that until she basically threatened to leave me because our relationship was going nowhere. I figured I did not want to lose her and might as well take a chance in life. I have never regreted my decision to marry her even though we do get into our quarrels. But I do wish that sometimes I could just give her away! But I would never do it.

Now that I've had a few weeks to step back and look at the situation, I realize that the girl was cool, but she wasn't quite right for me.
I know now that I am physically not attracted to her at all, and she is too pushy about relationship type stuff. Nothing would ever be good enough.
My main criteria for having a girlfriend is whether or not I could see myself with her as husband/wife. Not that I'm thinking about marrying a girl when I ask her to be my girlfriend, but I feel that if I wouldn't want a long term relationship with someone, why committ myself to her? That's what dating/seeing eachother is for. Not that I keep seeing someone if I don't see anything progressing, which is why I ended up splitting with this girl.
That's probably the main reason why I so rarely have a girlfriend, because I won't go out with just anyone, I only go out with the ones I truly have feelings for. Oh well, to make an already long post less long, we are friends now, and I really feel that I did the right thing, both for my sake and for hers.

[Wren57]

A quick jump back to the money thing- I am going out with a girl... been about 6 months now... I started out by paying all her meals and driving her everywhere etc etc... gradually im trying to phase this out to save some money for myself... I dont recommend this though... make the girl pay her way from the getgo, that way she cant get pissed later if you try to make her start... also that way you know shes not with you just for the free stuff... just some thoughts

bar/club, 1 night stand, your feel better in the morning.

I've been reading that guys are saving money being single. I'm the opposite. I tend to spend more......on first second dates that don't pan out. Sh1t Oh well...

civic_north

[Whiteclipse99]

Being a girl and all, I can tell you that it's nice when I guy pays for things, but I don't feel that he has to do it all the time. I think it's nice to switch things up once and awhile. I don't mind paying. I especially don't need gifts all the time either. Just spending time with the guy is rewarding enough. I'm pretty easy to please.

[black95gs-t]

dang. y'all in addition to all of my friends sound like ann landers or a hallmark card or something. "it will hit you when you least expect it." ok 20 years later, when? (by the way this is coming from a guy that has never even been on a date. and no i have not even been up to bat either. yes i know i am very far behind for a guy my age.)
J

Whiteclipse99, you know I think its kind of cheesy to ask a girl to pay for dinner, and such on a first date. Later on in a relationship it dies down and things start to even out a bit. I don't mind spending money it's not a money thing like some people....but being single and going on first dates....that's what's taking a toll on my bank account. I agree that spending time with someone is more important than fancy gifts and such.......

[Whiteclipse99]

I didn't mean that the guy had to ask the girl to pay for dinner. I was talking more on the lines of the girl offering to pay without the guy asking. Like this one date I went on, the guy paid for dinner and then later on I suggested going to Dairy Queen for desert, my treat.

That's cool, that's what ist's all about considerate individuals.

I've know guys taken to the cleaners cause their gf's figure that we make good money (Canadian thats half American HAHA) they can have anything they want. Some of these girls are living way above what they can afford and above what their bf's can afford.