.:HSTuners::::Hondas Wanted:: |
03-15-2005, 11:19 PM | #1 |
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irish humor
got these in my email:
****************** Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!" ****************** An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya little bastard! Spit it out!" ******************************************* An Irish Fight Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?" "! That I d did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight." ****************************************** Irish Miracle An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and olding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." ********************************************* Irish Predicament Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either. ************************************************ Irish Last Request Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary, my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'"
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03-15-2005, 11:26 PM | #2 |
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Hahaha, some of those are superb!
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you say it best when you say nothing at all |
03-15-2005, 11:47 PM | #3 |
Best...mod...ever
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There's really no point in making fun of the Irish...they do a good enough job of that on their own.
Just remember...the British are just like Irish people...they just have better PR.
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1984 1/2 Mustang GT350 #842, Faster than you...nuff said Anna Fan Club President/Dictator Someday, in the event that mankind actually figures out what it is that this world actually revoles around, thousands of people are going to be shocked and perplexed that it was not them. Sometimes this includes me. "If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever." - George Orwell Welcome to the new Amerika |
03-15-2005, 11:49 PM | #4 |
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hey now... the irish are better. haha need i say more than guinness
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Black Vtec Prelude-h22a power'd Many dreams come true, and some have silver linings. I live for my dreams and a pocket full of gold. |
03-16-2005, 01:49 AM | #5 | ||||
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Quote:
I agree with ya there chris. Those jokes are hillarious, id heard the one about the flies before but it was still funny!
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03-16-2005, 07:45 AM | #6 |
Yahoo Watashi wa kattaze!
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Excellent! |
03-16-2005, 10:21 AM | #7 |
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Hahaha good post! I like'em
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03-16-2005, 11:10 AM | #8 |
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ahahaha i love em...
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03-16-2005, 12:34 PM | #9 |
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fun shit chris good post
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03-16-2005, 02:29 PM | #10 |
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hahaha
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