Lovesick....or sumthinerother (LONG)

I'm brand new to the board, but this is one of THE most sensible import forums out there, so I figured I'd join the family.

Ok....I REALLY think I'm in love with a girl because I can't get her out of my mind and every time we talk and hang out, I get lost in her...EVERYTHING. There is a catch, of course....which is why I'm aking for any , repeat, ANY advice on what the hell to do.

It all started freshman year at CBU(Christian Brothers University)I was on the cross country team and we'd have warm-ups the same time as the women's basketball team would begin practice. I was taken away by one certain player(she was a freshman also)..and to make a long span of time short, I would MAKE myself get to the gym early enough to shoot around while the girls were warming up....for two months straight, all while making sure this certain girl would see me dunking(I'm 5'11"....so jumping is one of my strong athletic attributes) I would ask her how she's doing...I did the same to all the players...just with her....I REALLY wanted to know how she was doing. UUUGGGHHHH, this feels so stupid. Anyways, I'd started to hang around after X/C practice to watch the rest of her b-ball practice. We started talking,you know...what profs do you have, how's classes, how do you feel in practice. Just trying to get to know her. I'd walk her to her dorm room, and that was it...see ya tommorrow...and I was cool with that because I just wanted her to know I existed. I started falling so hard for this girl, I showed up on Sundays to shoot around in the gym casually just 30 min before thier practice. She even showed up to give support at a couple of my races. Everyone else on the team saw it and she saw, and she was always open and talked about everything. She gave me the schedule for all thier games and told me to be there. So, you darn right....I made every home game and a few away games. She greeted me with a smile and a hug every time I saw her, so I was thinking she was starting to like me also. The at one game mid-season, I was sitting in the bleachers and saw her kissing her b/f....the big deal was that I didn't know she had a boyfriend. I felt like crap and left the game, and didn't attend another for a few weeks. I was still thinking of her, but when I'd see her, I'd barely acknowledge her...I know, I know..JEALOUSY. I remembered her birthday was coming up, and did something so out there....I can't explain it. I spent $150 for a pair of shoes for her b-day. She was SHOCKED to say the least and couldn't believe I did that, because her b/f was constantly questioning her about who got them for her. Well, summer came and I didn't go back to college. I started working at a car stereo shop as an installer and didn't see her for a year. ALL that time I thought about only her. I'd had one g/f for 6 months of that year, and all I could think about was the girl back at college. I'm still out of school, but I started going back to the gym just to keep in shape, and keep the springs working. About 2 weeks ago I'm leaving the gym at 10pm and a van pulls into the parking lot. A group gets out of the vn and I get BUTTERFLIES. One girl keeps walking but looks back at me several times to get a tab and she says "Christian??" In my head I was like, oh god its her" I walk up to her and the feelings hit harder than ever. I can't take my eyes off of her eyes and we walk to her room, talking about what's gone on with her season from the previous year and everything...getting reaquainted. We get back outside and she drives me around to my car. We exchange numbers and I get her practice schedule. I'm now in limbo, because I've been to a few practices to watch, and after she'll sit and talk for a bit and then her b/f picks her up outside. I'm so up in the air, because my personality and morals won't let me try to brake them up, but its killing me because she looks at me the EXACT same way she looks at him, and I can't stand it.

What the hell do I do??? Keep in contact and stay friends, or forget about her and wait for someone else???

I don't want to make a mistake inthinking she will leave him eventually and I just have to wait it out, because I get the"you're the type I'd want in a guy" thing alot...but, I truly care about her, so I don't want to start something if I don't feel any connection because of the fact I'm thinking of another when I'm with you. Guys/Girls...PLEASE help me out here

[94_AcCoRd_EX]

I'm not one to give relationship advice, but I thought I'd be the first to welcome you to the forums. Somebody 'more qualified' will be glad to help I'm sure

Welcome to HS

Well first of all, tell her how you feel. Who knows, maybe she isn't really happy with her b/f and really wants to be with you. You can't keep feelings this strong inside. Just tell her. The worst that will happen is that she will say, well I like you as a friend but I have a b/f. Or she can take what you say and digest it in her brain/heart. Maybe she will realize she wants to be with you and break up with her b/f.

But just talk to her. She probably has nooooo idea how you feel. What do you have to lose? Just talk to her. You can't keep going on like this, it must be horrible.
If she shows you know interest then forget about her and move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea right?

Cutiepy, I think you are to some point right, but keep this in mind. The guy said he didn't attend college for what 1 - 1/2, or so I get from the story. He also said he found out she had a bf during his college year, then didn't see her for the time. So that means in 1-1/2 years if she still has that same bf, they must have something going! Or so I think...I might be wrong.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

yah I definitely agree that you should just have a "heart to heart" with her and let her know how you feel. Explain to her that you understand that she has a bf but that you've been feeling this way for a very long time and just couldn't pass it up. You don't want to pressure her into doing something that she might regret. So, keep it cool. Don't be like "I'm madly in love with you. I think you should dump your bf and spend the rest of your life with me." You don't want to sound "needy or desperate". I think if you act casually about it but sincere, she'll take what you said into consideration as to what to do. She might not break up with her bf to be with you...but I would suggest that you still remain close friends with her. Just because she isn't willing to break things off with him now doesn't mean that she won't later down the road. I'm not saying that you should wait around for her to do so either. You still need to be out playin the field too. You never know who you're gonna find or be introduced to. Good luck with everything and keep us updated!!!

Oh yah...welcome to HS

Thanks ALOT for the advice so far....now if I can just get the courage to tell her. The only thing thats keeping my sanity intact is basketball and working towards the Skyline. I'm not great at discussing how I feel, at all. I'm the type that would rather know your life history than bore you with mine. But, anyway...I'll let her know how I feel, and what happens happens. Thanks again.

Just remember, if you do it, make it sound like you are just trying to express how you feel, not convert her to your side. Or else that might push her away from you.
Be careful how you word it. I say you carefully think of what you are going to say!

warning may be contrary to popular views!!

I welcome you to hondastyle and it's nice to see a fellow Christian around here

I think you really need to be praying about this and looking to God for the answers. If he really wants you to be seeing this girl then things will work out. That said here are some more insightful thoughts of mine on the issue at hand. There might be a few things going on here I'm not to sure about but I'll try to give it to you straight.

I think you really need to question the actions you might take:

1- You wait for her
2- You tell her how you feel in hopes she feels the same way and boom your dating
3- You do nothing.

I think you should do #3 as hard as it might be and let me get around to that by talking about 1 and 2.

Outcomes for #1
A- In 6 months she breaks up with her bf and starts dating you. There is a high likelihood that you will get involve with a girl who doesn't know what she wants and you'll be strapped in for an emotional rollercoaster that you never signed up for.

B- What is more likely is that she wont break up with her current bf as they've been seeing each other for a little under 2 years by my calculations. This will leave you waiting for her to come to her senses and possibly missing the girl for you. Or she will break up with the bf and start seeing someone other then you.

Summary for option #1 You either end up dating her only to find out she's to messed up to be in a relationship or you never end up dating her.

Outcomes for #2
A- You tell her how you feel and she says she would rather just be friends. No harm in this but the fact that any relationship as friends will now be strained because well girls lie and you can never be just friends when one likes the more then the other.

B- You tell her how you feel and she breaks it off with bf and starts seeing you. Big no no because you just broke up a relationship.

Summary for option #2 Telling her only leads you down a path of complications, with or without her as your gf

Outcome for #3
Only option- you keep it to yourself and pray about it. If God wants the two of you to be together you will bump into her just like you did at the gym a year or so down the road. This time she will have been single and realized you are the man for her. Or if she's not for you time goes by and you get over her and set your eyes on another girl.
Summary for option #3 Keep it to yourself in hopes that your wants and desires don't over power what God has in store for you

I would think really hard about how you've been the one who has been seeking her and not visa versa. It would appear to me that she just thinks of you as a good friend. Possibly she likes the attention that another man gives and there are a lot of girls out there that do stupid things for attention, one being leading you on.

Peace

Rob

I do now realize that waiting for them to break it off is in vein. They've been together for this long, it really isn't reasonable to think it'll end. Everyone's always saying to keep your head up or you'll miss the knockout girl eyeing you around the corner. I guess I should pray about it, and if it is to be, then great. But I don't want to feel as though I'm wasting time just doing nothing...although thats the only thing to do.

Maybe I don't need to get into this too much, but typically, what's first felt right before a relationship is infatuation. I'm not saying what your feeling isn't true, cause well, nobody has any way of knowing except you. But, looking at your post and seeing how you've had these consistent feelings for a long time, I can say that you really like this girl.

I think every guy has to remember that girls are evil. You do realize that in your descriptions of her, you kind of put her on a pedastol, where it doesn't seem like she has any faults.

You claim that she looks at you the same way she looks at her bf... could this be an indication of leading you on or is it just purely your wishful perception?

I know that in your mind, you're thinking that maybe she has the same feelings for you... but, it could be that you're hoping she does.

But, if you really want to know where you stand with her... have a conversation about relationships and past relationships. Talk about the goods and the bads of your past experiences... you'll get an idea of the type of gf she would make, and you'd know how her relationship with her bf is.

I don't recommend telling her how you feel unless you know how she feels... I know it seems like a sissy approach, but at least she won't feel awkward around you.

I don't want to bring you down or tear up your hopes, but I do want you to be aware of these things... it softens the blow if things don't go your way. There's a possibility that she only sees you as a friend.

If there's one thing I've learned... it's never to come in between a relationship... stand your ground and don't come in between them. Shouldn't her happiness come before yours, even if it doesn't involve you?