.:HSTuners::::Hondas Wanted:: |
11-28-2002, 06:56 PM
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#1 |
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: AZ@
Age: 42
Posts: 207
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tell me how it is ladies.
Ladies, what would you say is the most common reason for break up's in relationships? I don't mean that "thing" you have with a guy for two weeks.. I mean long term relationships. Why is it, from your experience, that when you date a guy for a long time, he seems to change into a person that wasn't there when you first met? I am just interested, that's all.
02_Si  |
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11-28-2002, 07:20 PM
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#2 |
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11-28-2002, 07:24 PM
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#3 |
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: AZ@
Age: 42
Posts: 207
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Thanks... I'll read that post.
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The name is Tom, I am da bomb, if you can't remember, just ask yo' mom. |
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11-28-2002, 07:26 PM
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#4 |
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No problem.
BTW, welcome to HS!  |
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11-28-2002, 07:30 PM
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#5 |
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Dimitry! Don't shut him down, how mean!
 haha, just kidding. I'd have to say the most common thing is jealousy. At least, that's what it's been for me. Another thing (for me) is mediocrity... I can't stand that. If I've been w/someone for awhile & they don't seem to be going anywhere... that makes me INSANE! Like...just workin at a little store of some kind, never thought of change, & happy in that piss ant job... No good.  BUT, I'm gonna have to think that's just me, cuz I'm just mean like that.  :o |
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11-28-2002, 07:31 PM
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#6 |
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O yea, and
 Welcome to HS. |
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11-28-2002, 07:49 PM
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#7 |
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: AZ@
Age: 42
Posts: 207
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Thanks for the welcome. That's true to what you said.. mediocrity does seem to always set in after a few months. I guess it's the excitement of "what's to come," but after you're past all of that, there's nothing left to explore. Then the relationship dulls. Isn't there any way to prevent that!!!!!??? AAHHHH! J/k.
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The name is Tom, I am da bomb, if you can't remember, just ask yo' mom. |
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11-28-2002, 08:07 PM
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#8 |
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Yes. I have been trying lately to identify mediocrity right away & then steering clear.
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11-28-2002, 09:07 PM
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#9 | |
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Quote:
See with that I hear ya and dont get me wrong I probably wouldn't be happy with my gf working a dead end job. For a moment let me show another angle. Quin you meet the greatest guy ever, he treats nicely, theres the "spark" and even your folks like him. Then you find out hes just has happy to be sweeping the floors somewhere as you are with your dreams in the legal profesion. Is this the end of your relationship? On a personal note if I just wanted to work at a bike shop selling bikes for $20-30/hour and my girlfriend at the time was some hot shot doctor pulling in $300-400/hour and she didnt want me working at the shop I loved then I'd tell her to get over it or move out. I figure whatever makes you happy you should respect that the person is happy. If you take the view that your superior to so and so because you make more money, your opening the door for someone to put you in your place and tell you that they make 10times your pay. |
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11-28-2002, 09:13 PM
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#10 |
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I'd have to say it would be trust..all of a sudden that becomes an issue...if you don't have trust in a relationship you don't have anything
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11-28-2002, 09:17 PM
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#11 |
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Put you in your place eh? Mmmmmmmkay.  See, that wasn't a personal attack or anything, but I'm saying: To steer clear of that in the beginning will prevent both these problems. |
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11-28-2002, 09:24 PM
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#12 | |
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none taken and maybe the bike shop is too personal. But its a dead end job none the less, I'd either have to buy it from my boss or be stuck there making $xx/hour |
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11-28-2002, 09:33 PM
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#13 |
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but you won't be. You have plans for your future and that is the first step. (and a good step at that.)
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11-28-2002, 09:58 PM
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#14 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: York
Age: 44
Posts: 2,542
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I think that Rob was just trying to make an example...not saying that he WOULD do that...but that some people are content with working those types of jobs.
I'd have to agree that medocricy does affect the relationship negatively but the couple has to work together to keep that from happening. They should continue to go out on "official" dates, don't get into a daily routine/rut (this is ok in some aspects but not all)....they just gotta do stuff to keep things interesting. Be spontaneous and surprise your significant other with random day trips to places the other person wants to go....that sorta thing. As for my man working what I would consider a dead end job, I have this take on things....I could give a rat's @ss what he's doin as long as it's legal, he's makin some sort of income that he can support himself, he has benefits, and he's happy. It's hard to say that you fall out of love with someone because he's perfectly content with working what you would consider a sh!t job. Another reason I think that long-term relationships end is because one of the persons realizes that this is not the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. It's not that they don't trust the person or anything like that, but they realize that just isn't who they wanna grow old with, so they get out of the relationship, as to not make themselves miserable or the other person miserable for the rest of their lives. This is better to do before marriage of course, but some people rush into marriage...which pushes the divorce rate up. And also pushes people that have little will power to cheat rather than break up with someone.
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"Oh, I have a goal. And it's to have no goals at all." http://www.myspace.com/kenike |
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11-28-2002, 10:02 PM
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#15 |
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4th Gear
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: York, Pa
Age: 44
Posts: 952
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People change, it's a part of life and sometimes people grow apart. I do understand where you guys and girls are coming from on the issue of jobs, but if you truely love that person, you love them for everything that they are and everything that they're not regardless of what kind of job they have. As long as it makes them happy. I think distance has a lot to do with break ups. It makes it really hard on a relationship when you can't see that person very often. No matter how close or far away they are. It takes the right kind of people together to make it work. I give props to those couples who can do it!
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave -- but there's no need to be in the passing lane. -- Robert Orben |
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11-28-2002, 10:06 PM
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#16 |
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: AZ@
Age: 42
Posts: 207
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Hmmm.. I think that the connection between people is what ends up dulling out. If I meet a girl that I really like, I don't care what kind of job she has. As long as she keeps smiling then I'm happy. But when the smile fades along with the "spark".. then that's when I think things become a "dead end." Things always seem good in the beginning, I guess it's when you find out what kind of person they really are that you find out if it's meant to be. I think I'm putting too much thought into this.. anyone else agree?:o
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The name is Tom, I am da bomb, if you can't remember, just ask yo' mom. |
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11-28-2002, 10:13 PM
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#17 | |
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Well i agree with the fact everything starts of fine they call that the honey moon period. It happens in all aspects of life and its because for a short period of time you only see the good in something, and the bad doesn't bother you. But slowly the good stops being enough and thats what takes maturity to know if its just you or if the situtation has really gotten bad. I'm not sure what you classify as a long term relationship, but i dont think you have a bf or gf until a month or so later. Even after 6 months depending on the type of person your seeing you might not know everything about them. |
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11-28-2002, 10:24 PM
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#18 |
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: AZ@
Age: 42
Posts: 207
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Wow mt.biker , that was pretty deep stuff. I agree with it though. I had a friend who had a girlfriend for a year and things went from good to really crappy. For about two months all they did was fight. They fought all the time and one day he got sick of it and broke up with her. I told him it's ok that he did that because he was feeling guilty. There's always that guilt when you break it off with someone. But sometimes you have to realize that it's not because you hate someone that you break up with them.. you just have to realize that sometimes two people just aren't right for eachother. That doesn't make them any less of a person. Loving someone should be the easiest thing in the world. Even when times are hard. If negative things can outweigh your love for someone, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your feelings for them.
__________________
The name is Tom, I am da bomb, if you can't remember, just ask yo' mom. |
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11-28-2002, 10:35 PM
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#19 | |
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Yup, totally agree with you there. The last girl i dated (6ish months back) started out great, we were both busy doing out thing. I gave her space she gave me mine and then something changed. She became really needy and was around me 24/7. Then we started sleepign together and she being so needy stopped being an issue, for a bad reason but none the less. Well when I went to cali for xmas she wanted to call her everyday, so as the nice boyfriend I did. Turns out once a day for 30ish minutes wasnt' enough. Then she would ring me on my cellphone and left some really bad messages as to why i didn't want to pick up the phone and how cali girls are and what not. The girls I know from cali would never encourage me to cheat but whatever. I realized i didnt miss the girl. But when I got back home she was waiting for me and the sex pulled me back in, yes I am a weak man. Well things went from lots of sex with cute but demanding gf to no sex, with ever more demanding who stopped taking care of herself. Needless to say it wasn't healthy for both of us, i very much cared for the girl and wish i could have stayed friends with her; which i tried about she pulled out the sex card once and we stopped being friends since. I realize the feelings I felt in the first few months of my relationship with her were what i was basing the relationship at its end and worst times on. I realized that it wasn't right for me to be with someone who wasn't my equal and who i couldn't lean on but she felt free to lean away on me. It was the turning point in my life as to how i viewed relationships and with gf's. Wow theres my life story, hope someone learns from that. sorry for the typos, it was written real fast.. i mean really fast! |
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11-28-2002, 10:41 PM
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#20 |
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i should add if i saw the girl today I would walk right up to her and give her a big hug. Though I'm sure she is still pissed with me (because she never lets things drop) i have forgiven her for her mistakes. everyone makes them and I'm not one to hold them against you forever. But after that hug i would wish her the best and push her out of my mind. But as it stands its beeen 6months and for all i know she could be dead. :(
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11-29-2002, 11:25 AM
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#21 |
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4th Gear
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: York, Pa
Age: 44
Posts: 952
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Too many people confuse love with lust, and I don't think a long term relationship can work based on lust. It's hard to find the difference between the two, but when it's love, you'll know.
__________________
Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave -- but there's no need to be in the passing lane. -- Robert Orben |
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11-29-2002, 11:40 AM
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#22 | |
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Yes that is very true, and i think girls suffer from this more then guys... they're so quick to say "I love you" and really they dont know what love is. They're just trying to express their feelings towards you and society tells them that the most impactful manner is to say "I love you" even when there isn't love. They also tend to think by saying it ("I love you") that it becomes a truth when it doesn't. Sometimes just expressing your feelings without saying the word "love' carries more meaning then if you use it. At least thats what i think. |
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11-30-2002, 01:10 AM
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#23 | |
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I'd be tempted to say guys confuse love with lust more than girls. Many guys I've known seem to think they love their hot girlfriends, when really they just like the hot chick and, for some of them, the hot booty. On second thought I think it's probably girls more than guys. Girls always seem to grow up with the idea of finding love in a relationship whereas I think guys grow up trying to get laid. As guys mature things change, but for the teens and early-mid 20's or so I'd say more girls than guys are "looking for love." b |
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11-30-2002, 12:48 PM
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#24 |
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: AZ@
Age: 42
Posts: 207
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How many of you can say that you've ever REALLY been in love? Looking back on previous relationships, I can honestly say that I've told the "L" word to a girl and didn't mean it. I thought I met it at the time... but looking back, I can say that the feeling was never there. Maybe it's the thought of being in love that is more exciting than actually being in love. It seems to me that the "falling in love" is more appealing than when it has already settled in.
__________________
The name is Tom, I am da bomb, if you can't remember, just ask yo' mom. |
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11-30-2002, 03:06 PM
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#25 | |
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I don't like that you've grouped 'girls' in general altogether here. I see alot of girls doing this, but me for instance... I've actually lost a couple b/fs b/c they were saying I love you & I wouldn't say it back. It wasn't there yet. Might of been had they been more patient, but they thought I was just being an ass. |
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11-30-2002, 03:56 PM
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#26 | |
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Yes this is true it was a generalization. Though I think at the age of 22 you no longer qualitifty as a "girl" but now should be a woman, guys am i wrong here? |
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11-30-2002, 04:16 PM
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#27 |
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Ok, ok... well, I'm only 21, but I didn't realize you were using "girl" as an age group.
Sorry dear. Please forgive.  |
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11-30-2002, 05:01 PM
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#28 | |
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no worries  |
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11-30-2002, 05:05 PM
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#29 |
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11-30-2002, 05:08 PM
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#30 |
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Not all girls become women IMO. I know very few women below 25-26. Wait a minute, I currently know very few women.....and not many girls either.....
I've used the L word and didn't mean it. I can honestly say I've never been in love. I've experienced lust and many of its joys, I have truly cared for and liked most of the girls I've had relationships with, but I wasn't in love with any of them. Then again, I believe you can love without being in love. b |
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11-30-2002, 05:29 PM
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#31 | |
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B after lot of thought i agree with ya. If i was quickly asked have you ever loved a girl before i'd say there were two girls I once loved. But not that i've been reflecting on it i never loved one of them and I'm not sure about the other... |
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11-30-2002, 06:13 PM
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#32 |
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2nd Gear
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: AZ@
Age: 42
Posts: 207
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Why is it that something that should be so easy is so difficult. If love was love, then there would be no discussions about it. It would be a simple, yet complicated emotion that words cannot grasp. It would be something we feel in our hearts, yet something that is not felt because it comes as natural as breath. It would be something we count on, yet count no cost because it would be as giving as a child. It would be something we hold no boundaries to, yet something we dare not think to let go. When love strikes your heart, you will have no doubts, no regrets, no second thoughts. It would be something that would change you forever.
__________________
The name is Tom, I am da bomb, if you can't remember, just ask yo' mom. |
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12-01-2002, 12:54 PM
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#33 |
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4th Gear
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: York, Pa
Age: 44
Posts: 952
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I consider myself to have been in love....and to this day I still feel it whenever I think about my ex or see him. (and it's been four years since we've broken up) It's a feeling you can't really describe, but if it isn't love, then I don't know what it is!
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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave -- but there's no need to be in the passing lane. -- Robert Orben |
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