.:HSTuners::

04-17-2003, 02:45 AM

- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

-Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

-The Dutch War - Tied

-War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

-War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

-World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

War on Iraq - Won, France joins in last 2 minutes of fighting, forces never see fighting, however 100 are killed in a Transport Plane crash (fictional but humorous)

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

got it off another forums.

94_AcCoRd_EX · 04-17-2003, 02:51 AM

*pdiggitydogg* · 04-17-2003, 06:10 AM

poor poor france...

on a lighter note, my mom and sister left for it this morning

04-17-2003, 06:28 AM

LOL......so true.

drdingo21 · 04-17-2003, 06:46 AM

lol, there was something. That if you went to google.com and typed in something like "great french wins" then google comes up with zero results but says "did you mean: Great frence losses?"

*ChrisCantSkate* · 04-17-2003, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by drdingo21
lol, there was something. That if you went to google.com and typed in something like "great french wins" then google comes up with zero results but says "did you mean: Great frence losses?"

that was photoshoped... lol... google dosnt really do that

ebpda9 · 04-17-2003, 08:16 AM

Violent Apathy · 04-17-2003, 10:43 AM

BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

04-17-2003, 02:45 AM	#1
accord98lx Posts: n/a	The Complete Military History of France - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." -Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. -The Dutch War - Tied -War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. -War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. -World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. - War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. War on Iraq - Won, France joins in last 2 minutes of fighting, forces never see fighting, however 100 are killed in a Transport Plane crash (fictional but humorous) The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?" got it off another forums.

04-17-2003, 02:51 AM	#2
94_AcCoRd_EX Insomniac Moderator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: OR Age: 43 Posts: 11,142	__________________ 1994 Accord EX coupe --Need hosting for your pics on HST? PM me...--

04-17-2003, 08:16 AM	#7
ebpda9 Repost Wagon Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: over here Age: 44 Posts: 17,266	lol __________________

04-17-2003, 10:43 AM	#8
Violent Apathy Registered User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Grafenwoehr, Germany Age: 40 Posts: 1,255	BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA __________________ Black 2007 Mustang GT California Special "There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." - Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005

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04-17-2003, 06:10 AM	#3
pdiggitydogg Yahoo Watashi wa kattaze! Join Date: May 2002 Location: Meanwhile, up in The D... Age: 41 Posts: 10,579	poor poor france... on a lighter note, my mom and sister left for it this morning

04-17-2003, 06:46 AM	#5
drdingo21 Registered User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Elkhart, IN Age: 41 Posts: 1,642	lol, there was something. That if you went to google.com and typed in something like "great french wins" then google comes up with zero results but says "did you mean: Great frence losses?"