Girls piss me off (rant)

See the subject.

Shortest rant you ever did see.

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[DsBlu01CivEX]

hehe...is there anything in particular about us ladies that piss you off? Or just the mere fact that we're not guys?

[ebpda9]

yeah, elaborate a bit. girls are nice and ok as long you are not dating them. same goes with kids :o

Originally posted by hondaman-iac
yeah, elaborate a bit. girls are nice and ok as long you are not dating them. same goes with kids :o

You date kids? Freaky. :o

Well the total story is just too cumbersome to get into. But I'm thinking the foundation of my problem is that it's been way too long since I've had a female friend who I know I can trust and have a good deep friendship with.

Since HS the only girls I've had much interaction with have been run-of-the-mill friends (or more like acquaintances) or someone I've been in a relationship with. Considering how I'm single, I think you know how the relationships went. Just about every one of the girls has managed to get under my skin in one way or another. I think I'm just defective.

And my biggest complication of them all is that right now I don't feel as though I have any true, serious friends who are local. To me a real friendship is a lot more than just going to a movie here and there or catching a beer after work every now and then. One of the people who I thought I had a pretty good friendship with....well, that's just complicated, but she's just royally pissing me off right now....and to make matters worse, I work with her although a little indirectly.

The other problem is that almost everybody I know.....I work with. It's depressing.

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[DsBlu01CivEX]

Yah...Stefan I'm a little concerned with the fact that you date children Is that only legal in Ohio????


Does the girl that you thought you had a good relationship with know that she's pissing you off? Or are you just getting pissed off at her because you realized that the friendship isn't as strong as you thought it was?

As for the not meeting new people thing...we both know why that isn't happening. You can't meet them sitting at home. You need to get out there and do some networking. Hang out with your aquaintances more often and have them introduce you to other people. You never know who you're gonna meet. You gotta let your hair down every once in a while.

Oh and you're not defective. I can't keep a relationship either!!! So if you are then I am...and I'm not ready to admit that yet.

[ebpda9]

Originally posted by spoogenet
You date kids? Freaky. :o

no what i meant was: Kids are nice as long as they are not yours

Does the girl that you thought you had a good relationship with know that she's pissing you off? Or are you just getting pissed off at her because you realized that the friendship isn't as strong as you thought it was?

Our relationsihp has a complex history. I personally think we have huge communication problems, among a long list of other issues.

Simple example, I wasn't telling anybody what my cheesy halloween costume was, I was just gonna wear it in to work (only like 2 or 3 people even know I'm dressing up in the first place). She'd keep saying "so you're not going to tell me what you're wearing?" and of course I'd replay "I'm just going to wear it in, nothing big, don't want any hype so I'm just not telling anybody what it is." Then it's starting to be a big deal, yadda yadda yadda and ends up with her saying "The fact you won't tell anybody (methinks implying her only) what your halloween costume is underscores some things I've been thinking." WTF is that supposed to mean??? But then of course she's too busy to tell me what those things are.

She's made so many comments before that just irk the crap out of me. She thinks she's got it all figured out and she's just as clueless as I am. But she comes to these conclusions (about me) without ever asking or discussing with me, and of all the ones I've heard so far that we have discussed, she was dead wrong with ALL of them.

We seem to go through cycles. We've had a lot of good times together, but right now the friendship is in a deep rut. She doesn't even think I consider her a friend. Another wonderful conclusion she's drawn. She has a tendency to twist my words or extremely misunderstand them sometimes.....she thinks I've said I don't consider her a friend. Totally not true. She knows right now that I'm not super thrilled since I told her Friday that, regardless of how she feels about me, sometimes she comes across as caring a lot and ohers she comes across as not even caring I exist. I know she cares for me, but sometimes it's real hard to believe at the time.....and now she thinks I've "cut into her" by saying that. Of course she knows how she feels, she can read her own mind....I can't read it, I can only go by what's presented to me. And sometimes she comes across very negatively toward me.

But she shuts me out of so much of her life that it's hard to get to know her better. She knows 10X more about me than vice versa.....I don't particularly care for the imbalance of the friendship.

I just don't understand her at all. She frustrates me very much sometimes. And other times I just love spending time with her and we have a blast and you'd never know of the friction between us......

These days it's work, not home, keeping me in. I meet lots of people....it's just that I meet them all at work. I know I need to get out more, and I'm slowly trying to pick up pace on that endeavor. But I'm pretty much stuck in a bad position at work for a while to come, so not much getting out for me.

What's the best way to hit on a waitress? There is 1 waitress at a brewery restaurant in town who I'm very attracted to......

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[ebpda9]

Originally posted by spoogenet
Does the girl that you thought you had a good relationship with know that she's pissing you off? Or are you just getting pissed off at her because you realized that the friendship isn't as strong as you thought it was?b

heh long story. i haven't kept updating it. anyway after a while she keeps hitting on me, then all of a sudden she jumps on me ( no sex tho). it all goes fine for 2 weeks, but i am the unusual quiet kind of guy --doormat-- so she thinks i am hiding stuff from her. I finally let her know my feelings towards her and she seems to pull back. after a while she is all over me again. I ask her if she left someone back in romania, she tells me no, but then she starts talking about her last relationship, how hurt she was when it all ended about 8 months ago. Then at the store at one time i see a picture of a guy in her wallet. I didn't mention anything to her yet about it, then again today she asks me to close her email program. I notice a folder with the guy's name, that wasn't there a few days ago (because i set her computer up), and did some maintenance on it. One thing i forgot to mention is that she used to talk a lot about her hurting me "What if i hurt you ? I don't wanna do that." So i feel like walking away and forget the whole thing happened. I really have strong feelings for her, but i just don't want to be used like that. Maybe it's my fault that i don't make myself clear -- refer to the doormat comment above --. So in the end i might just come back to my honda which is a pisses me off too, but i can figure it out

I'm not a very trusting individual, and I certainly wouldn't trust that chick. But tell me one thing Stefan....how is a postwhore like you the "quiet kinda guy" ???? You're quiet but you just like to type, eh?

That's another problem I have with this girl....I really am having a hard time truly trusting her. The sad thing is that I know, or pretty much know, that she's very trustworthy....there's just a couple things that seem to keep me from trusting her. It's sad, because I should trust her. I dunno what happened to me earlier in life that I just don't trust people.....

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[ebpda9]

i think i just trust ppl too much. i don't know why.

and i am quiet, but online i am all different.

^^^ same with me, i trust people too much

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Yah I have a tendancy to trust people too much. One thing that I wouldn't trust about that girl you're talkin about is the fact that she doesn't seem to trust you with her information. I think I'd be pretty pissed off about the imbalance in the relationship too if I were you. Are you sure you're not from York??? I had a friend all through high school that I was way close with and then she went away to college for a year, then moved back to York and told ME that I didn't want to be her friend. I was a lil confused about that one!!! I think you just need to be straight up with this girl and tell her how you feel. Let her know that you consider her a good friend but that it upsets you that she doubts you and that she won't confide in you.

As for the waitress....just be yourself. (geez...we should just have a sticky thread with that phrase in it as often as all of us use it on here to give advice!!!) If you've had her as your waitress before then you sort of know her...if you get her again start chattin her up and sorta goofin off with her. This makes you more memorable and you can sorta feel it out to see if she's interested in you or not. Then just tell her that you think that she's a very nice girl with a good personality and that you'd like to get to know her better and see if she'd like to have a cup of coffee or whatever it is that the people in TX do to get to know a person. Now you don't have to do all of this in one visit...that might overwhelm the girl...but just be relaxed about it.

See the thing is weird....she confides some things in me that very few people know, yet at the same time she just totally ignores the fact that I ask her things like "so whatcha do last night?" because she "doesn't jive with questions like that." I'm sure she has nothing to hide, but she sure comes across as though she's hiding a huge part of her life from me. I've never had a friend who would just shut me out like that, especially when I've opened up so much in return. Usually I'm the one who is very closed. She thinks I don't like her as much as she likes me, yet she shuts me out of huge portions her life. How could I possibly like her as much as she likes me, I know a fraction about her as she knows about me. It's just ridiculous.

She thinks I'm very judgemental. And I really don't know, I may be. She claims not to be, but I really think she's very judgemental. She's judged me so many times, and been wrong (see above post). Simple things like she won't let me in her car. Why, I don't know. Been in it once, and never since. She's too embarrassed or something because her car is a little messy, or something, I don't really know why....but she makes the claim that she's embarrassed about it or thinks I'll judge her as a result of it. Puleeeeeeez, gimme a freakin break. Sometimes I think she's got one of the lowest possible opinions of me......other times I think she has a very high opinion of me.

It just saddens me that we can have so many good times yet I feel so much pain as a result of her. Unfortunately I know I've caused her much pain as well, and that saddens me more. I'm far from perfect, I know, but sometimes I think she thinks she's perfect.

Ugh.....I need to just stop b*tching about this.

Thanks for the help, tough.

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[ebpda9]

Originally posted by DsBlu01CivEX
As for the waitress....just be yourself. (geez...we should just have a sticky thread with that phrase in it as often as all of us use it on here to give advice!!!)

maybe sometimes "just being yourself" could come back to you in not so pleasant way and it might haunt you for a while. just something from my own experience.

Originally posted by hondaman-iac
maybe sometimes "just being yourself" could come back to you in not so pleasant way and it might haunt you for a while. just something from my own experience.

Yeah, that's one thing that worries me.

There's a lot of people that I know where something they say or do is funny or cute or interesting, but if I didn't know the person then I'd really wonder about them in a bad way.

Hence the reason why first impressions are considered so important. Why do people put up a front? Simple, make a good impression then let the person know who you really are....because for a lot of people they'd never get past the first meeting if they were straight up.

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[DsBlu01CivEX]

I figure things this way on the "being yourself" situation. I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. It's not worth my time. So I figure that if I'm just myself and people like me...great...at least they're getting to know the real me right off the bat. Now the people that don't like me for who I am and how I may act...who needs them. They're going to think what they want about me no matter what I do to get them to like me. All of that comes with having self confidence though I think. I don't know many people (if any) that don't have self confidence that feel the same way I do. It's that person's loss if they don't like me. I have enough friends and people that like me, I don't need them draggin me down.

[BlackWolf]

Ok, this thread is getting a little confusing.....who exactly is it that is asking for help? I agree with just being yourself but sometimes it helps by not being completely all yourself at one time when you first meet someone. Like playing your music but keeping the volume down and the next time you meet, if they're feeling it, open up a little more and the next time, etc, so eventually you can be in your full volume mode. Not the best analagy but I'm really tired this morning, so I guess the point is, is to be yourself and if they don't like that then you really don't want to be around them anyways. As far as the girl who wouldn't let you in her car, she definately is hiding something from you. May it be good or it may be bad, I couldn't tell you. IMHO, it sounds like all three of you guys (and girl) needs to sit down with these people and ask them whats up? Let them know how you're feeling and your concerns where this is going. If they don't understand why you're doing this, then I don't think they thought they were in a genuine relationship with you in the first place. I've had several "friends" that ran "hot and cold", the best of friends one minute but forgot who you were the next. Needless to say, once I found this out, I don't hang with them anymore. Too psycho for me and I really don't want to deal with this all the time. Way too unreliable. I had to cut the cord to save my sanity and have never looked back knowing it was for the better. There are times when YOU need to look out for YOU. Never rely on others to tell you what to do in a relationship. You are the one involved and the only one who knows how to deal with it, trust your instincts, please. ...........and yes, I took my bitter pill this morning...

I don't necessarily think she's hiding something from me with respect to the car thing, I think she just isn't open enough with me and is too concerned with her predisposition to thinking I'll judge her that she doesn't want to let me in her car. She gets so self-conscious about things that it can be utterly ridiculous. I can understand someone being self-conscious, but considering some of the things I've opened up to her about, and some of the things she's opened up to me about, I have no clue how she could possibly think I'd think anything bad of her if her car were "embarassing." It's like she trusts me so much sometimes, and then doesn't have any trust for me other times.

I don't think she's really hiding anything from me in her life, I think she just doesn't care to let me in on it. She doesn't like to talk about her life and what she does, yet she's fascinated with mine. She asks all sorts of questions of "what'd ya do" "how was it" "have fun?" and stuff, but when I return the questions she sometimes gets annoyed, other times just ignores the questions, and other times answers them without a problem. I've never had a friend who would ask "is it odd that I want to tell you things?" (with respect to talking with me, as a friend, confiding in me, etc.) and then who'd get annoyed when I ask questions about his/her life. It boggles my mind and annoys me.

We had somewhat of a talk yesterday, but in my opinion it didn't go so well. Although she tells me "if there's anything I do that annoys you I'd really hope you'd point it out to me" but when I do point it out to her she gets very defensive (understandable to a point), clams up, and doesn't want to talk about things. Or asks "why are you saying things that hurt me?" I'm like....WTF? She bitches that I'm complaining about her, then 5 minutes later makes a comment "that's what I'm here for, if there's anything you'd like to say to me please say it." I've got a laundry list of things to say, but I just kept them in....what's the point? I'll say them, she'll get depressed and pissed, and for what.....I feel like no matter what I do I'll be miserable, the difference is whether she's miserable.

I just don't know what to do. I really want her as a friend but sometimes I think it'd be easier and healthier to just say "F it" and turn the other way. I'd be more tempted to do that if there weren't other complications....such as the work thing. It's a lose-lose situation for me.

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[ebpda9]

Originally posted by spoogenet
I don't think she's really hiding anything from me in her life, I think she just doesn't care to let me in on it. She doesn't like to talk about her life and what she does, yet she's fascinated with mine. She asks all sorts of questions of "what'd ya do" "how was it" "have fun?" and stuff, but when I return the questions she sometimes gets annoyed, other times just ignores the questions, and other times answers them without a problem. I've never had a friend who would ask "is it odd that I want to tell you things?" (with respect to talking with me, as a friend, confiding in me, etc.) and then who'd get annoyed when I ask questions about his/her life. It boggles my mind and annoys me.

We had somewhat of a talk yesterday, but in my opinion it didn't go so well. Although she tells me "if there's anything I do that annoys you I'd really hope you'd point it out to me" but when I do point it out to her she gets very defensive (understandable to a point), clams up, and doesn't want to talk about things. Or asks "why are you saying things that hurt me?" I'm like....WTF? She bitches that I'm complaining about her, then 5 minutes later makes a comment "that's what I'm here for, if there's anything you'd like to say to me please say it." I've got a laundry list of things to say, but I just kept them in....what's the point? I'll say them, she'll get depressed and pissed, and for what.....I feel like no matter what I do I'll be miserable, the difference is whether she's miserable.

b

dayum, what's your name??? but you just described me there. I for some reason i do not like ppl to get their noses in my business. i think it comes from being too controlled in earlier life by parents. Right now no one knows the problems i am facing, and chances are that no one will find more about me than i am ready to give out. Is she a virgo ?

[BlackWolf]

Whoa! I didn't think of it like that. Wow. Ok, um, damn. Well, she did say to let her know and it's ok to talk about things..........what I don't understand is why she gets so upset. No one likes to hear the truth about themselves, myself included but I've learned to deal with it. It reminds me of the saying "don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to". Girls, the classic, "am I fat?" guys, "was it good?" These answers can be very bitter pills depending on your self esteem. It really sounds like she's got a low self esteem (something I recognize, I've got it too but it varies from low to none) and other issues that you can't really help her with until she wants you to. I mean it really does sound like she wants to do/say things but is scared out of her mind and doesn't want to then gets a burst of courage than does it but then later regrets it. You can be there for her for those times when she's ready to but this is something YOU have got to be able to deal with too. If this is something you want to do and it won't be easy or short, please don't forget to lookout for yourself too. Don't get pulled under too. Best wishes to you both.

Stefan: I don't usually like people to get their noses in my business either. I usually like to just solve my problems myself without outside assistance. Usually a little time and a lot of thought is all it takes. If I do look for outside help it's only ever from a very close friend. But I'm always willing to help a friend with anything.

Unfortunately in this situation, I don't have anybody who I can really talk to about it. Except for the friendly folks at the HSTuners Mental Health Clinic.

BlackWolf: Yeah the truth can be a very bitter pill to swallow. I have a tendency to be brutally honest. People either like it, hate it, or dislike it but appreciate it at the same time. I don't know what boat she's in. I think she hops from boat to boat depending on the situation. She does have a tendency to ask questions she doesn't want to hear the answer to, or isn't prepared to accept the answer. She has a strong fear of rejection. It really frustrates me when someone asks me to open up, even complains at times that I don't open up, but then gives me attitude and intense frustration when I do open up. I came very close to just hanging up on her yesterday (I wanted in-person convo, but couldn't get one).

She does have low self esteem. I understand that because I have low self esteem too. But I'm able to be there for people, even if it relates to problems with me. I mean, I've had a dumped-by-me girlfriend call me up and ask me for advice on what to do about me. I can usually look at things pretty objectively.

She's pointed out some of my own shortcomings and things went pretty well in those convos. It basically came down to us having an understanding on what the problem was. If someone points out a shortcoming to me (chances are I'm already aware of it, I have a long list of my own problems) I will answer in 1 of 2 ways. I'll either see their point and take it to heart, or I'll offer an explanation for why I am that way, feel that way, or whatever. She usually attacks defensively, and that just irritates me. I feel she still has absolutely no clue why she's frustrating me, in fact, I know she has no clue because I only told her the tip of the iceberg before I decided I'd be best served by just shutting up.

Thanks for the support. I know I've got problems, and I know I'm a big part of the frustration she gives me.....but I don't know what to do about it. I so badly want to discuss with her all the ways she frustrates me, why I feel that way. And I think she could help me if she'd be willing to just sit down and hear me out, try to understand my point of view and why I feel the way I do, and offer a rational counter POV to me or accept that maybe she is wrong. I feel that she thinks she's always giving it her best, and sometimes I feel she invests a lot in the friendship and other times I feel she just expects me to carry the weight. But we'll never see how I'm wrong, or she'll never see how she's wrong, if we can't have a serious discussion void of attacks or strong defenses. And in all the writing I've done and all the thinking I've done, I'm just now realizing this......

Perhaps I can approach her in a different way to get her to maybe have a good convo with me. Probably worth a shot one of these days.

b

Edit: Damn, I write too much. This is long. I guess I'm just thinking "out loud."

[BlackWolf]

Always glad to lend an ear. PM me if you need to but it sounds like you've already got this one down.

J