What to do when her friends get in the way...?

[Wren57]

Well? I'm looking to learn as MUCH as possible from my past relationship so I can do better in my next one, so help me out with this. My ex and I were awesome and knew we'd spend our lives together (young love awww). Anyway, she went to college and lots of her friends down there are always talking about how she should experience more and that she hasn't lived etc; basically trying to make me out to be the guy that restricted her from doing things. I KNOW this has contributed to her pushing away from me... For example, this is her roomates away msg right now:

"my friend told me the biggest mistake you can make is to admit your alive when really you're living in life's waiting room...second biggest mistake you can make is to live your life at minimum wage, and then sell your dreams for free...."
- Waking Life

And her roomates profile:
"i'm watching myself act this drama out and i'm faced with the realization that this is not what it's about i pretend that i'm laughing but it's not so funny when it's real and i don't know how i feel and in the process of chasing after you i ran into myself and everything i thought i'd found slowly left, and i know that i loved you too much for my own good, now i'm stuck in this position where i feel less and less for you, i guess our apology was an attempt at polite, we fought all night just to discover that we weren't right for each other and all those things i said i didn't really mean i just needed a reason to scream and all teh stars fell out of the sky all i see is illusion and i don't know why i still second-guess the day i told you goodbye but i can't cry, i won't cry, i lie awake trying to sort out these feelings in my head, i kind of miss you, but i don't miss the things you said..."- Ani Difranco

How do you do when your sig others' friends are a negative influence to your relationship? I gotta learn how to combat this in the future so I don't let it get the best of the next girl that I fall for...

[GT40FIED]

Well...first of all you've got to try and get in good with the friends so they know you and like you. That way they don't shun you and talk bad behind your back to her. If that option fails, you tell them they can suck your cock and if they keep messing with your relationship horrible things will happen to them as well as their friends and family. Some friends will talk that kinda shit even if they do like you. That girl you just quoted sounds like one of your typical Ani DiFranco worshipping non-leg shaving dumbass feminazi whores (sorry ladies...there's nothing wrong with feminism...to a point). Not much you can do about that...she's probably convinced you're contributing to the whole "true cult of womanhood" ideal (it's sociology folks...look it up) and she'll bash you simply because you're a guy. The only possible thing to do in these situations is to make these chicks realize that these friends suck and they'll never be happy with any guy she hooks up with. Oh...and avoid long distance relationships at all costs. Youir absense only contributes to this sort of trash talking since you're not readily available to defend yourself by way of a swift smack in the face (to her friends, of course). Remember...you should never hit a lady but there's nothing wrong with hitting a woman.

[Wren57]

Good advice, thanks. That was the problem; her hippie/surfer friends there with their "need to experience life" bullshit influencing her against me. It wasn't so much that I was bad, just that she hadn't experienced things because of me and needed to. I couldn't talk shit to them, because they were around her and I wasn't, and my ex was easily influenced, so she would listen to them and not me. Basically they f*cked with her head and made her think short-term instead of long-term. My ex and her roomate both have liked Ani for a while; they aren't femanazis; her roomate has a guy that she has regularly hooked up with for like 6 months but NEVER talks to (wtf is that?!?), and my ex certainly isn't (as the pic you've seen can attest).

I'm really not looking to resolve anything between myself and the ex right now, it simply WON'T work between us with the distance, so for a while I'm just not gonna talk to her, and after college or whatnot we can see if it is still good between us when we are together. For now I'm just gonna have fun here and let her have fun there, and after college is our only chance, so I'll wait until then (or find someone better along the way). I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'll just end it.

[GT40FIED]

Bottom line dude...if you're happy with what you have you shouldn't need to go "experience" anything else. If she's so weak willed that her friends can convince her otherwise, you don't want her around.

[wal]

one left hook to the chin usually solves most problems

I think that when friends meddle into the relationships of their other friends it's a sign of jealousy...I wouldn't dare meddle into a friends relationship unless she was coming to me for advice...

I think you really have to get a grip on what influence you have over this Ex of yours. You're at different schools, leading very different lives now and with different friends. For good or for bad she's goign to need to live life up. I didnt say sleep around, but she's going to try new things and hopefully she'll be a better person because of it.

If this really bothers you take alook at yourself and dig deep as to why you want what you want. I've let a relationship end because that is what was best for her. We didnt talk for 8-9 months and then boom she starts calling me again wondering what I've been up to. Just let it roll dude and dont try to control things outside of your control. Her friends will only ever see you as the bf trying to control her life from far away. They have more influence on her now then you do so let her make her own choices and try to move on.

[DsBlu01CivEX]

Originally posted by biker's back
I think you really have to get a grip on what influence you have over this Ex of yours. You're at different schools, leading very different lives now and with different friends. For good or for bad she's goign to need to live life up. I didnt say sleep around, but she's going to try new things and hopefully she'll be a better person because of it.

If this really bothers you take alook at yourself and dig deep as to why you want what you want. I've let a relationship end because that is what was best for her. We didnt talk for 8-9 months and then boom she starts calling me again wondering what I've been up to. Just let it roll dude and dont try to control things outside of your control. Her friends will only ever see you as the bf trying to control her life from far away. They have more influence on her now then you do so let her make her own choices and try to move on.

exactly what I was thinking....and this is one of the reasons why I missed biker soooo much!


Yah dude, you just gotta let things roll. If she thinks that she needs to experience some different things, then let her. This doesn't make her a bad person. This makes her a young person. College is the time that you find out who you truely are as a person and who you want to become as an adult. So if after college you too hook back up, then great....if not, then cherish the time that you did have with her and find someone else to make new memories with.

Originally posted by highlander
How do you do when your sig others' friends are a negative influence to your relationship? I gotta learn how to combat this in the future so I don't let it get the best of the next girl that I fall for...

Well, first off, make sure you are friends with her friends - this is very important. . . even if you cant stand them, act like you love them. This is because her friends will give her advice / opinions on you, and you want those things to help you not hurt you.

And about the whole "living life" thing - you are 20 - any girl you meet between the ages of 18 - 22 is 99% likely to be a complete slut . . . . dont sweat it, if you are with somebody who wants to leave, let them, and if you are with somebody who is real clingy and attatched to you, dont be the same way back even if you are totally crazy about them. . . . "hold on when you feel like letting go, but let go when you feel like holding on." - me

Originally posted by biker's back
I think you really have to get a grip on what influence you have over this Ex of yours. You're at different schools, leading very different lives now and with different friends. For good or for bad she's goign to need to live life up. I didnt say sleep around, but she's going to try new things and hopefully she'll be a better person because of it.

If this really bothers you take alook at yourself and dig deep as to why you want what you want. I've let a relationship end because that is what was best for her. We didnt talk for 8-9 months and then boom she starts calling me again wondering what I've been up to. Just let it roll dude and dont try to control things outside of your control. Her friends will only ever see you as the bf trying to control her life from far away. They have more influence on her now then you do so let her make her own choices and try to move on.

Sound advice - basically, if you are always trying to be a part of her life, she will think, "Wren isnt going anywhere, if i want him i can have him blablablabla" . . . . If you let go (or act that way), then she will [might?] think, "OMFG what have i done? Wren is gone . . ." - maybe, and if she doesnt, then you did the right thing anyways.

Originally posted by biker's back

I've let a relationship end because that is what was best for her.

i know love means letting go, but it didnt seem fair to me . . . . now, i hate her because of it, because of how fucked up things got, fuck it, ill never talk to her again.

Dont invest in hating her and ruin the good times you two had. People grow apart and things change, better to deal with it maturly then not.

[BlackWolf]

Just let it go. Sometimes things don't work out the way YOU want them to but you have to understand that you can't make decisions for her, she has to herself. I'd say by the info given by you take of the situation and by her said actions, I'd let the whole thing go. If she's THAT much influenced by what her "friends" say/tell her, then you don't need someone like that in your life. You need someone who has their own convictions and will stand by them. As an example, say if I had a problem with you (Highlander) then I would talk to you and get it straightened out with YOU. Not with your friends, not with my friends but each other. Yeah, you can listen to what they say but unless you know the facts then just treat it like the rumors they are and you know what they say about rumors. You seem to have your life on track here and that's what is most important. Think of yourself, your future and your life. Not what she is or is not going to do with hers. The long distance is just complicating things even more for you. It's not going to be easy but in your best interest, please, just let her go. Don't think about what happened in the past think about the future. You need to do this to understand that having someone with you is nice but it shouldn't have to complete you as a person. We're all maturing at this age and we need to stop thinking about what happened in high school and move on. Please don't think of this as a judgement but as advice from someone who's been there before. Take care of number one (yourself) first or you might step in number two. PM me if you need to. Take it easy for awhile and have a beer or two for me.....

Originally posted by BlackWolf
Just let it go.

You and me both wren.

BTW biker, i know hating somebody is not the way to go, but it just feels so damn good.

Ani DiFranco rules

[Wren57]

Um... no. Ani DiFranco is a stupid biotch who doesn't live in reality and constantly rejects said reality to live in her fantasy world where she is the center of the universe. Not to mention her music sucks, she has no rythym, etc etc. Oh yeah, I also hate her for being a hippie influence on my ex...

[Wren57]

Just to keep ya'll updated. I got wasted thursday night at a party with tons of friends and woke up in this hotass girls bed that i've flirted with for a while. I don't remember ANYTHING from that night after midnight or so. I smoked up before going to the party, then had somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 flasks of captain morgan and a few beers (chasers and shotguns). I still have both my condoms in my wallet, so who knows. The girl I woke up with has been acting mighty, well, "friendly" towards me lately though... This is good... this is very, very good.

Sounds like you had fun...just hope she's on the pill if you guys DID do something...

well lets hope shes clean.. for both your sake....

Originally posted by highlander
Um... no. Ani DiFranco is a stupid biotch who doesn't live in reality and constantly rejects said reality to live in her fantasy world where she is the center of the universe. Not to mention her music sucks, she has no rythym, etc etc. Oh yeah, I also hate her for being a hippie influence on my ex...

Ok, where's the sarcasm smiley?

And sorry, but don't blame some hippie chick for what she "did" to your girl.

People make up their own minds in this world. No one to blame but the girl herself. Not her roommate. Not the "hippie chick" singer she likes. Her.

[ShagginJet]

What to do when her friends get in the way

Have a female friend kick the bitches ass!!

http://s95242792.onlinehome.us/phpup...%20Madison.avi

I haven't been in a fight in a while...Im long overdue...

[ShagginJet]

I was thinking the same thing, I'm do for some Flying Fist of Shagg..... BAM!

That video was awesome

Never seen it