[GT40FIED]

So I was sitting around tonight having a few beers and watching a movie. It's 3:30 in the morning so I figure it's time to kick back and unwind. Wrong. Right outside my door I hear a car horn. I think "what the fuck...it's 3:30" so I look out the blinds. That's when I notice the dome light in my truck is on. Correct...there's some dipshit rummaging through my truck and his dumbass honked the fucking horn somehow. So I grab my pellet gun (unloaded...but it's a nice little black CO2 pistol that looks real enough) and jump out the front door. As I'm cocking the slide (yes, it even has a slide that cocks), the guy starts walking away from my truck. I point the gun at him and yell "that's right motherfucker, walk away". He jumps into a car with a hole in the exhaust (ultra classy style) and hauls ass away. I sit back down and continue my movie.

This is where this fucktard's genius kicks in. About 15 minutes later I hear a car alarm go off about 2 doors down. I yank open my front door to see the same stupid fuck trying to get his way into a locked SUV. Then this black dude who is apparently the father of the girl who lives there comes running out screaming that he's gonna "kill yo ass muthafucka". Once again, the same car hauls ass away. I went down and talked to the guy and he told me it was a 2-tone Cutlass (never question a black man when it comes to mid-80s G-Body GM cars) and he got a partial plate number. Man...I'm so pissed off. The guy didn't take anything from my truck that I could see (which is ridiculous because there was a flat of beer behind the front seat), he just tossed shit around. I'll have to call my landlords tomorrow (the husband is a local sheriff) and have a talk with them. Right now I'm wishing I'd had a real gun and that it was legal to shoot motherfuckers in the back. I was, however, assured by the guy down the way that he could recognize the car and that if it came back they'd have some problems.

All I can say now is that if I had a goose, things would've been so much easier.