[GT40FIED]

Honestly I'd lean more towards leting them adopt her. Bu there's some caveats to that. I would sit down with the both of them (ex and significant other) and talk long and hard about it. Your ex may be a piece of shit, but start realizing you'll always be tied to her through your daughter. If in the end you do decide to let them adopt her I would ask for their word that, when she's old enough, they will tell her about you and the circumstances involving your abscence leave it up to her whether or not she wants to know you. Like Rob said...I guess whether or not you're a piece of shit depends on whoever's judging you. If looking out for your daughter enough to talk to others about it and struggling with your decision makes you a piece of shit, then I suppose you are. But back in real life I think you're just trying to do the right thing.