[nonovurbizniz]

alright this is long and to the direct opposite of what you're saying...

I have nothing but good luck with cops... just about... (oh and fyi if that story you told is true about getting pulled over directly afterwards you have a GOOD harrasment case against them... I'd talk to a lawyer if I were you).

Oh and there are cliffs notes after every story.... and it's long... a similar Q was asked over at h-t so I just typed this up:

We'll start with funny bad luck stories...

1. I am "shit-break" from that movie... I will (would when I was there) NOT crap in school... one day I got a, lift your head up... OMG... I'm gunna poo, feeling in my gut... I RUN to the nurses office call my mom at work and get a note from the nurse to go home... (it was last period but leaving campus was prohibited for freshmen..(yes I was an old freshmen... screw you)). So I'm RACING home... I'm on my road about 1/2 mile from my house...

Cop pulls out... I pull off on a side road he pulls up and comes to the window...
Cop-"any reason you're speeding?"
Me-"uh... to be honest I just left school because I feel like my colon is going to explode in my pants.."
Cop-"Ok... You want to get out of the car please.?"
I get out...
Cop-"Wait here while I write you your ticket."

I won't go into the rest but he took his sweet time... big long bit about safety and being in control of a lethal weapong etc etc etc... I literally felt like I was going to shit in my pants...

I ended up getting to know the guy pretty well and gave him hell about that ALL the time... I assured him he had reserved his space in hell for that...

**CLIFFS NOTES**
Had to poo... got pulled over... he made me sit there about to poo for about 20 mins...
**/CLIFFS NOTES**

2. There is this AWFUL road in my town that looks like it was never finished (it wasn't... it's always been as bad there are HUGE potholes all uneven and it's uphill).. I have found the PERFECT line through it so you can RIP over the hill... I used to scare the piss out of people in the pass. seat... I had my buddy in the car and I TORE up the hill... come up over the top and get air (oops) all four wheels are off the ground when I see a COP sitting RIGHT THERE... I didn't even bother... I just pulled over in front of him... he never even started his car...

**CLIFFS NOTES**
Going fast over VERY bad road/hill... Got air off the top and low and behold there's a cop RIGHT there doing radar...oops
**/CLIFFS NOTES**

Ok on to the GOOD STUFF...

I have some kind of guardian angel when it comes to cops... I have NO idea what it is but I get off for REDICULOUS stuff... I'll start slow and move up...

1g. There's a resivour in my home town that has a road going through the middle of it and a little rocky island/jetty that goes out from that road... it's a GREAT place for highschooler's to put the high.. in highschool... It was night time and I'm out there with my GF at the time... we're smoking out of a MT. Dew bottle rigged into a Bong...

This is kind of hard to explain but basically... I was in the middle of smoking when a GIANT spot light comes on... I don't know why but my first reaction was to look away from it towards the tree line... where I saw the PERFECT outline of me sitting indian style holding what looks to be pretty obviously a bong in my hand (think shadow puppet) against the trees...

PA echos across the resivour...

"PLEASE COME OFF THE ISLAND AND APPROACH THE VEHICLE"

I'm trying to stay calm... GF is TOTALLY freaking out... I keep telling her to be quite... we ditch whatever we had in the woods walking back towards the road...

We're walking towards the car and it's got the flood light right on us and the high beams on... Now I'm shitting too.... We get to like 15ft. away from the car ...

From the PA again..

"STOP"....

then a semi-familar voice...

Cop-"Yooouu dickhead"..

Me-"Jack?"

I worked full time with his nephew when I was 16 so he liked me... (he was THE hard-ass dick of a cop in our town... his nickname was "van-deuschbag"... I always like him.)

Long story short... he probobly thought we were doing it and told us we could go back out there if we wanted... he'd be on that route till 2.

**CLIFFS NOTES**
Me and GF are getting high on a little island off of a road on a resivour... cop turns on the flood light I see my shadow holding what seems obvious to me to be a bong... approach the car... it's a cop I know he (I assume) didn't see it and thought I was doing my gf outthere... told us we could go back out there and that he'd be on that route till 2.
**/CLIFFS NOTES**

2g. I walk into the convenience store that was next to the station I worked at at the time... Friend of mine was working.
Friend-"hey mike how ya doing?"
Me-"OMG I'm SOOO stoned"

I go and grab a Mt. Dew (heheh themes are developing here)... and walk up to the counter... she looks like she's about to laugh her ass off at me...

I hear...

"hey mike... how ya doin?" in a VERY sarcastic voice...

I look over and it's the same cop from above story...

I'm soo high I forgot what I just said to casey (friend) so I'm all normal.... like

"Hey jack, I'm good how you doin?"

he's just smiling and laughing... It was weird though because EVERYONE who knew him (not many people) thought that was something he just would NOT let slide... He's was considered a hardass by the other cops... So he either REALLY liked me or he just has TERRIBLE ability to notice the obvious.

**CLIFFS NOTES**
I go into store where friend works... she asks how I am... I say HIGH.. go to pay.. same cop from above story is leaning on the cooler (obstructed from entering view)... he then asks how I am... I'm so high I forgot what I said... act normal he lets it slide... NOT typical at all...
**/CLIFFS NOTES**

NOW ONTO THE BIG TIME...

I moved to boston to go to school... apparently you have to kill someone to get arrested or even ticketed in boston...

1b. Driving home from a friends house realatively buzzed... come around a 90 degree turn towards my place at like 50... cop is the oncoming car... SWERVES out of the way almost off the road thinking I'm going to come into his lane and hit him... he pulls me over..

Cop-"So aaaah, where's the fire?"
Me-"Sorry... I'm just a dumbass kid who likes to act like mario andretti sometimes... I wasn't really going that fast I was just using the whole lane..."
Cop-"Slow it down"

That's it he left. Ok I know that wasn't to good but THIS ONE IS...

I'm leaving a club in boston with my GF (now wife) a friend and a girl he works with...

I'm not shit faced but I'm drunk... definately should NOT have been driving... (have since changed my ways SERIOUSLY advize against driving drunk EVER).

Girl he works with live out in the boondocks... so I offer to drive her out to cambridge so her cab fare will be 20 bucks less...

We're driving and I light a joint...

(background... I was in my 93 sentra which was my baby that the week before I had spun out in the rain after hitting a dead deer on the highway in the rain... it had cams and a decent list of other mods.)

We get into cambridge and she's like drop me off anywhere around here... she says this while handing the J back to me... I pull over and drop her off and go to take a left to turn around. But since I'm in my totalled car and in the middle of talking about how pissed I am that it's wrecked.. I do a NASTY burnout... while I'm making the left... toking on the J...

Well someone (me) should've been paying a little bit more attention to the road... Seeing as it was a oneway OUTLET... of the CAMBRIDGE POLICE DEPT...

First car to blare it's horn at me as I come towards it doing a burnout going the wrong way down a oneway also turns on it's SPOTLIGHT... and RED AND BLUES...

spotlight is DIRECTLY in my face as I'm no hands toking on the J... oops.

I stop cop comes up to the car...

cop-"So... who's been smoken the dooba?" (yes that is EXACTLY what he said)

I'm not going to go into the blow by blow but... I gave them the roach that was left... told them I didn't have anything else on me...they had me my GF and my buddy all get out of the car while they searched the car...

Told me all the standard stuff... My buddy kept telling me to stop being so arrogant (I was sitting on the car, smoking cigs, yapping with the cop. (it wasn't arrogance... I just KNEW I was screwed... I couldn't have been dumber and they couldn't be more in the right so I wasn't going to get all upset... I knew what I was doing and I deserved whatever I got for it.)...

Anyway the guys let me off.. no ticket no field sobriety test... no have someone else drive home... they just sent me on my merry way with...

"get everyone home safe".

NOONE could believe it... my buddy was like "YOU LUCKY SON OF A *****.... I'd Be getting cornholed in jail by now if that were me"

There are more but I'm getting tired of typing.