[ShagginJet]

1. Number of cars parked on your street:

__ Enough to line the block

__ Enough to line the block and all driveway entrances

__ Enough to line the block, all driveway entrances, and two on my

front lawn.

2. Year, make and model of your car?

__ 1960s Lowered Chevy Impala, dents on sides and Mexican blanket lining

backseat, Guadalupe image carved into driver's side window

__ 1970s Monte Carlo with horn that plays the "Godfather" theme, covered

with

grey primer spots, frequently stalls in intersections, "I love Chihuahua"

bumper sticker on rear bumper

__ RTD

__ ¡Fock you, racista pendejo!

3. How many of you Mexicans are usually seated in the vehicle at any given

time?

__ Mijo, mija, popi, mima, mama, Chita, Chano, Beto, Bembo, Lupe, Lupecita.

That's all.

__ Just me and mi ruca

__ ¡Fock you, racista cabron!

4. How many hours each week do you spend repairing your vehicle in your

front yard?

__ 10-20

__ 20-48

__ duct tape isn't just a job, it's an adventure

5. When were you last employed as a janitor?

__ ¡Viva la raza! I ain't cleaning shit till the strike's over.

6. How many cousins do you have?

__ 300-500

__ 500-1,000

__ 1,000 to...fock it, we breed like roaches.

7. How many of your teenage cousins are currently knocked up?

__ I swear it wasn't me

__ I lost track after Angel

8. How many images of Hey-sus (Jesus) do you have in your casa?

__ Let's see...there's the portrait of the Last Supper in the kitchen,

the one in the hall with the eyes that follow you everywhere, one in each

bedroom, one over each TV, one crucifix over each bed, and

one glow-in-the-dark Jesus over the wet bar.

__ Too many to count.

9. Where do you buy your black sandals and white socks?

__ The First Street Store in East Los, where else?

__ Focking Payless

__ Wherever the fock they are on sale

10. Hang in there, we're almost done.

__ I have to go soon. I have an appointment with my parole officer.

__ I have to go soon. We're jumping in a new member tonight.

__ I have to go soon. Missing Mass is a mortal sin.

11. When's the last time you went to confession?

__ today

__ 20 years ago

THE END