|
You like Jack Handey? Here are some more for you...
If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.
When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
Ok, I could go on for awhile but I'm just going to stop at this point.
|