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01-13-2003, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by GirlRacer
If religion is the opiate of the masses, then religious zealots are the crack addicts.

The great struggle in the world right now is not between Islam and the West, or between wealthy nations and poor ones. It's between religious tolerance and religious fanaticism. It's between the notion of God as a warm, loving, father figure like Bing Crosby in "The Bells of St. Mary's," and an angry, vengeful, frightening one like Bing Crosby in real life.

Part of the problem is that the doctrine of many religions requires believers to constantly recruit new members. Hey, can't I even go to the Home Depot without some holy-roller accosting me with his prayer pamphlets and spiritual pie charts in the hopes of saving my soul? Listen, Marjo, let me save you some time. I'm in show business. My soul took the redeye outta here years ago.

Dangerous though they are, thankfully, most religious zealots are easy to spot. It's the twitchy cabbie with the monobrow who seems a little too eager to take you to the airport, it's the Christian mommy making s'mores at the book-burning, and it's the slack-jawed weekend bow-hunter who sees an abortion clinic, and flies into a spittle-flecked rage like Bobby Knight getting cut off on the freeway.

Most religious zealots start out simply as people devastated by tragic circumstances and left groping for answers. And that unfortunate point of departure perpetually clouds their judgement. You're a zealot if you can't see the blinding irony inherent in using force to convince other people that your belief about the unknowable is more accurate than their belief in the unknowable. I'm pretty sure the Donner party wasn't even that misguided.

Some religious zealots act like the code of morality they claim to be upholding can be temporarily shelved when it gets in the way of their more immediate goals. Like these supposed "pro-lifers" who kill doctors. Hey, we may not all agree on when life begins, but we sure as shit do agree on when it ends. It's not called the "Ten Commandments And One Hundred Footnotes."

Why is it that when applied to religion, the word "Fundamentalist" almost always takes on a meaning completely opposite of the commonly accepted one? I mean how do you get the word "fun damental" when you're looking at a tattooed, pot-bellied chain-smoker whipping a hissing rattle snake around like Prince's microphone cord while screaming in unintelligible tongues like a Ubange warrior with Tourette's Syndrome?

Nowadays, the Taliban lea d off the "Who's no longer who" of religious zealots. These are the guys who celebrate by firing guns into the air while screaming "God is Great," which if you think about it, is a pretty ****ed up way of showing your appreciation to the beloved entity re siding in the Heavens. "Sorry I wasn't able to help out with that flood folks, but I was pinned down by crossfire because some asshole's goat broke a fever."

These days, the Boss Hawg of the Christian right is the Reverend Jerry Falwell, a man whose ass is as wide as his mind is narrow. Hey, Jerry --If you get any bigger, Hindus are going to start worshipping you. There's a difference between following Jesus and stalking him.

There are people on earth who start cults by claiming to be gods or have a direct link to them. Before you give up your entire life to follow them, check out their resumes and see how one summer they went from a clerk at Pep Boy's to a deity named MAN-MOE-JACK after being laid off for shoplifting fir tree air fresheners.

Exp erts warn that a cult transforms from the merely oddball to the potentially dangerous when it begins to display such warning signs as a belief in the close proximity of an apocolypse, and the desire to trigger that apocolypse through violent and destructi ve acts. If that's too much to remember, just try my simple tip: the instant someone tells you that God wants you to cut off your balls, get the hell out of there. Trust me. I've spoken to God, and he doesn't want you to cut off your balls. The most he wo uld possibly ask is that you occasionally lower them into a bowling ball cleaner and buff them to glossy shine.

Its perfectly understandable to discover the roots of your religion and want to share it with everyone you meet. By the same token please und erstand the basic tenets of my religion which specifically proscribe that should you knock on my door, corner me on an elevator, or sit next to me on a flight yammering on and on about how your way is the right way I am morally obligated by the elderes of my church to tell you to shut the **** up. Can I get an Amen?

When it comes down to it, I think all religions are pretty close and at their root value love and understanding...it is when PEOPLE get involved...along with their agendas (conscious or unconscious), distortions and opinions that religion goes bad. We are no longer following the true meaning but someone else's. Remember, the only thing different from a cult and an organized religion is the membership number. Think freely and openly...without pushing your opinions...and you'll find the right way.
i know its not half a page...but its my .02