some zen thoughts
 

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaking tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the best time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. No one is listening until you fart.

6. Always remember you're unique Just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday ... around age 11.

24. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



There are four stages of man.
when he believes in Santa Claus
when he does not believe in Santa Claus
when he is Santa Claus
when he looks like Santa Claus

those are great

hahahah i like those!!!

aaaahahahhaahah!!!!

my favorite is the ducttape one lol nice work chris

ive seen those before, realy funny. has anyone ever read aesops fables?

i've seen some of those before

good shit!

I chuckled.

Indeed. I laughed 'till I stopped.

Go figure..you lauged till you stopped...isn't that obvious...bwahahahahahaha jk homie!!! hahah

For once, I've actually read that before!!

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Smart.

I have my own theories about women...and arguing with them...haha

Does it include the phrase "5 across the eyes" at any part?

Fuck yeah it does....

Those are so damn true. :hmmm:

Awesome.

I assume that's followed up with "look what you made me do to you!"?

And then no apology.

Charlie Murphy bitch!

lol I'm wayne brady bish

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?











Nothing, you already told her twice

;)