Um, about the Disneyland one...I can remember one that's about a kid being told that he's being taken to Disneyland but then he just gets taken to some old vacant barn or something like that.

Yeah, it was definitely something like that. It's gonna drive me nuts now. That sounds about right though. That guy is hilarious.

Tell me about it. I used map quest to go from Los Angeles to this remote place in San Fransisco and it gave me these ass backward directions and I ended up nowhere NEAR where I was supposed to go. I emailed Mapquest and complained and they said they werent responsible for road closures, roads that no longer existed, etc. where THERE WASNT EVEN ANY ON MY ROUTE! I followed EXACTLY what the directions said, street by street, freeway by freeway and it STILL took me the wrong way. I replied to Mapquest saying that THEY should be responsible for such stuff like that being that they are providing a service that thousands of people use everyday and that they needed to be on top of it. Never again will I use Map Quest. I am a AAA member and love the free maps and directions

Yeah but I think that they have some stupid disclosure on there that basically states that if you get lost and want to wipe your ass with their stupid directions, it's not their fault. Well, it doesn't really say that but you know what I mean. F*CK MapQuest and the horse it rode in on.

*One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over the the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.*

Dood, your a riot... :D

Those aren't the words of Melissa. Those are the words of the great Jack Handey. There's a whole bunch of them.

But thank you for thinking it was me ;)

That was it, I was coming home and I remembered it was something about a fire. Thanks, you rule :yes:

to all you jack handey fans, this will provide hours of laughter

http://www.tremorseven.com/aim/deepaim.php?job=view

btw, im new here, (first post), just wanted to say hi to everyone.
i bought a 2003 blue civic si about 6 weeks ago, i want to do a few things to it, but am kinda worried about voiding the warranty, so im just gonna save up some money and do it later on, see you all around!

Hey, welcome!!! Congratulations on your new purchase. Yeah, if I were you I would be worried about voiding that warranty as well. I bought my car with a warranty on it too and I waited until that was up until I did major modifications to it. In terms of your contribution to the Jack Handey conversation, thank you. We love him.

SolPol, dude. I think I'll be in NJ 3/23.

What ya gonna be down in this pitiful state for? And what part? Maybe I'll see you.

We all know each other in Jersey ya know. ;)

#67: As the evening sun faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

LMAO

I want to hang out with Jack Handey.

Me too. I keep looking at the ones from that link up there. I'm just about falling off my chair at work here I'm laughing so hard :yes:

#32: I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to that old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then, we had some growing up to do.

Ok, who comes up with this stuff?

I wish I could. Sometimes I come up with stuff kinda like that, but that guy is just nutty. I love it.

Yeah but do you think that he actually writes that stuff or it someone else. It's so funny when you hear him actually say it because he sounds all intellectual.

I know, I used to love when I saw it on SNL. With the little beach scene, "And now, Deep THoughts with Jack Handey." I think he does write them by the way. I dunno why but I think I've heard stuff about the guy and how wierd he is.

Wierd people rock.

Yeah, weird people are cool. But then there are people that are scary weird and that's just not cool at all.

Yeah, it's a fine line. Fun to straddle that line on occasion, but the freaky wierd people are definitely just plain frightening.

I don't like shady people either.

Holy Sh!t...... this thread has derailed, I repeat: DERAILED!

TOPIC IS SHOWERING PEOPLE C'MON!

We could have some fun w/this! haha;) :yes:

The showers at my school suck, the shower heads are so small - i never realized how much better the one at my house compared to these ones.

lol funny

The showers at my house suck. Or maybe it's just the pipes which does not make sense as my house is fairly new. But when it's cold out, I'll get hot water for a few minutes and then the rest of the time it's pretty much cold. And it really pisses me off.

The tile around my shower is coming up and the floor is weak in the one corner. My landlord is apparently pretty lazy.

One day when you're in the shower, the whole thing is going to crash through the ceiling of the people under you.

I live in a house, so I would just land in the basement. Unfortunately, I think one of my roommates and his gurlfriend like to do it down there. So that would be no good to land down there then.

Does anyone else think girl should be spelled gurl? That's how I like to spell it.

Well, is his room down there or do they just like to do in the basement?

No his room is between mine and another roommates, so they like a lil privacy down there.

I just have to make sure never to touch that weight bench :paranoid:

That's just f*cked up. Not to mention, rude. One time after I had all these people over, I caught some people doing it in our guest bedroom and I woke them up bright and early the next day and made them wash all the bed linens and then I made them take the comforter to the dry cleaners.

Well....it is his weight bench

Oh, ok. But if it was all of yours, then that would be a different story. I get really offended when people funk up my personal space. I HATE when people fart in my car.

LOL.

You don't gotta tell me about people messing with your personal stuff though, it drives me freakin' crazy. And my roommates don't understand why I get upset. Nothing worse than coming home and finding people in my room. Or that they have been there. "Oh, I just had to get...." BS, stay out.

I buy this really expensive shampoo and I don't know what my brother does with it but it'll be full one day and then the next day the bottle will be all empty. Or he'll shave god knows what in the shower and then I will go in there and it will look like a wig blew up in there. :pukey

Oh yummy. That's a fun thought :pukey

Ewe. Some guys are straight up nasty when it comes to the bathroom.

Hey hey, I seen some girls mess them up pretty bad too